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Original poster

Want children, but in a child free social circle

15 replies

Harbourmoon · 08/10/2024 22:09

I'm 30, and at the point in my life where I want to start trying for a baby, but I dont live near any family for support and my social circle is child free. Other things in my life line up, I'm married, in a good job and have a house. I would like to have a baby, but I'm worried I'll become isolated, my current social circle aren't interested in children

OP posts:

tangobravo · 08/10/2024 22:10

You will find another (not a replacement!) social circle once you start doing things with other parents!

Cobblersorchard · 08/10/2024 22:12

You’ll make a new one.

I had it the other way around, I had my daughter decades after my circle. So they were all living a different life to me with kids at uni or even as grandparents.

You make mum friends. I still have most of the the old circle, we just are a bit less close as our lives and plans don’t align well.

TwistedSisters · 08/10/2024 22:13

Someone will always be the first! And if your current social circle is a similar age group, it will probably start happening soon anyway.

MissAtomicBomb1 · 08/10/2024 22:14

tangobravo · 08/10/2024 22:10

You will find another (not a replacement!) social circle once you start doing things with other parents!

Antenatal classes/baby groups are great for meeting new friends then once they start school you'll probably gain some more.
It's like anything in life, things change and evolve including friendships.

Caffeineismydrug35 · 08/10/2024 22:17

You’ll soon make your own support network. I was first in my friendship group to have children but I met mums at baby clubs who were amazing and we helped each other through most things. You will meet people who have babies of similar age. It sounds like you’re ready in other aspects so I’d go for it.

Lampan · 08/10/2024 22:18

You can’t base big life decisions around your current social circle. Maybe none of them will ever have kids, you can’t risk missing out on something you want based on what your friends are doing. I agree someone has to be the first, and friendship groups change over time anyway. You might have an entirely different circle in a few years (despite how tight knit you may be now)

BananaNirvana · 08/10/2024 22:19

My antenatal group are still my closest friends in my life and our eldest are nearly 19! We’ve been through absolutely everything together 🥰

xylene · 08/10/2024 22:21

I agree with most posts ... you will get new mummy / family friends and the pregnancy/ birth groups are a massive support as you are going through the same stages at the same time and discuss things.
Do what's right for you , so if you want a family now then start :)

Sonolanona · 08/10/2024 22:21

You go first and watch the domino effect
Someone is always first of the group but it's funny how that tends to spread to the others :)

mynameiscalypso · 08/10/2024 22:23

Most of my social circle(s) don't have kids. It's never been an issue at all. I try not to bang on about my son too much and generally leave DS at home with my DH when I'm hanging out with my friends. It's nice to hang out with other grown ups! I don't really have 'mum' friends really, mainly out of choice.

rocketgal · 08/10/2024 22:23

You can't base your decisions on what your friends are doing. You might not think they're interested but you'd be surprised how many people will start announcing pregnancies once you get into your early 30s. You also don't know how long it will take to fall pregnant so if it's something you want, go for it. You'll make new friends through going to baby groups anyway

ItsKaos · 08/10/2024 22:28

I agree with PPs - you will find new friends. Have had an 18 yr friendship with someone I met through NCT.

Also, someone’s always going to be the first in a social circle to have children.

PoachedDregs · 08/10/2024 22:33

Some of my friends have children, including some similar ages to my own. I've probably got more in common with them 'on paper' but trying to meet up is a nightmare! We've all got competing demands, and someone inevitably goes down with chicken pox at the last minute and it unravels.

My friends who don't have kids are some of my closest friends. I love meeting up with them and talking about different things.

Things evolve, follow your heart.

thaegumathteth · 08/10/2024 22:59

I was first of my friends mainly because I was relatively young at 24 but also babies just weren't on the radar and my best friend never had any. My family lived a couple of hours away.

Honestly sometimes I wish I had family closer and we've always been very self sufficient in terms of childcare but if you put yourself out there you will make friends. Being a new mum is a bit like being a fresher - go to lots of events until you find your tribe.

Believeinmarmite · 08/10/2024 23:07

This was us, except we were mid 20s, we expected everyone else would have children eventually but had our own reasons for trying earlier. As it turns out hardly any of our friends did end up having children. We are all still friends, see each other at lot less but that is mainly due to distance, and our kids are adored by them all, yes there were some (not all) nights out we missed but they came to the events that were suitable and have really fun memories. The kids may have heard the odd story that wasn't strictly PG but they also became super confident around adults and now as nearly adults themselves are friends with them.

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