Micromanaging Jobshare

[Koete]

Putting this out into the Mumsnet ether as I am at my wits end. Would love some advice.

Landed a dream job, I was the only person in my role, which didn’t exist before I joined the company. Made great strides and was very valued. Before going on Mat Leave (after a couple of years in the job), I find my Mat Leave replacement. It was up to me to find candidates and be on the interview panel. I put forward someone I knew personally whom I thought could be a good fit, and they got the job.
The role grew in complexity and demands by the time I returned from Leave and my boss said that my JS made such an amazing impression that they wanted to keep her.
I was asked by the company what sort of working arrangement would work for me. I knew I couldn’t be this person’s manager (they are a Type A personality with a manic, detail focussed workstyle). We both have children and so in creating a rod for my back, I suggested a job share with split 50/50 responsibility.
A year in and I am being micro-managed by this person. The job I created for myself is all but gone, and she seems to have ‘taken over’ in every sense. She is described by not just me, as a ‘machine’, and there is just no competing with that.
It has come to point where she is checking over my work and giving feedback (in groups emails, so not 1-1), as well as completing all her own tasks. Her tone in emails is now patronising, as though I am out out the loop on so much.
Conversely, I give her full autonomy to carry out her tasks and make a point of regular check-ins.
I want to leave this job but know that the only reason is because she is pushing me out.
We have very different ways of working and I thought we could make a success of it but she is stressing me out and I wonder if it’s with the hassle or just power on.
Has anyone been in a similar situation with wisdom to share? 🙏

Can’t the job be split with the tasks and responsibilities allocated to each of you without an overlap?

Unfortunately for you, you hired a very talented and efficient cuckoo. You are about to be kicked out of the nest and there is not a lot that you can do about it. If possible ask for a department change if not leave before they ease you out.

Are you thinking of having any more kids? This was the case for me so it didn't matter so much. However, I'm now back from leave and it's just a complete mess, I don't really have a job anymore.

You have two choices: stay or leave.

If you choose to leave, don't quit until you find something else. Quietly quit - let her do what she wants and do what interests you.

If you choose to stay, then either have a conversation direct with her or you will have to involve management and explain transparently how it's making you feel. You are protected under the equalities act and suggest you need a solution. This might be a different job or work, or working in a more managed way.

Have you had a conversation with the person? Maybe arrange a meeting, write down your concerns and go through them with her. Explain you hired her in the first place and don’t appreciate being patronised. So what if she’s a machine, if you don’t speak to her about it, it will carry on, and you shouldn’t have to leave!

This. I think your best first course of action is to address the issue with her directly.

You say you knew her personally before hiring her, so presume there is a relationship there for you to have an honest conversation.

Do you think she's doing it deliberately to try and push you out and get the role back fully? Or is it just her personality?

If that has no success, then you've got a few choices. If the role is going to keep growing in scale and complexity, is there enough work for the roles to be split into two and for you to have separate responsibilities rather than being in a job share? That could be something you suggest but may not work with your home arrangements now if you want to stay PT.

You could escalate the issue to management, or you could leave - but if you do plan to have another child that may not be the ideal option for you right now.

You need to speak to your line manager.

Tell them that you do not want to create bad feeling but you are being micro-managed and that whilst you are happy to have a peer-to-peer conversation with her, you would like to discuss this with your manager first. The purpose of doing this is that it means you can test the waters with your boss - if they are supportive then great. It also allows you to make sure your boss is happy with your performance, and get it on record - you follow up the meeting with "as discussed in my 121 today I am going to speak with X about working styles. You have suggested...."

If you do need to tackle her, my advice would be to frame it as development feedback. "X I wanted to share some feedback with you - I know that you are keen that we share honest improvement points with each other". That way it would be difficult for her to kick off and say that it's not appropriate for you to do this - as otherwise she is shooting herself in the foot.

If your boss is not a fan then at least you have told them there's a problem, but you know where you stand - and dust off your CV and job hunt. If you do move on then you can give this feedback in your exit interview.

I was in this situation after returning from a maternity leave and I made the mistake of staying another 15 years. The « cuckoo » made my working life miserable.

MidnightBlossom makes a good suggestion about lining up your manager first. Also, at the very least you need to be able to speak to her about publicly undermining you in group emails.

It'd be best to try and split role responsibilities with clear delineation.

I had this and moved departments. It's frustrating but I didn't want this stress while my children are so little and I knew I wanted another one and didn't want that dread again whilst I was on maternity leave.

veteran of multiple successful jobshares here. It wasn't luck, it was work and a committment to making it work on every occasion. Each of them began by agreeing between ourselves how we would make it work and then a readiness to make changes to what didn't work. For various reasons all my jobshare partners and myself needed to only work half time and were at a career stage where we wanted more senior posts.
Sorry but you needed the background.
So things to identify...
Could the cuckoo work full time and does she want to?
How does the jobshare benefit them?
Are they aware of what they are doing?
I think that key on a jobshare is open honest conversation and some time set apart to do this.

you may already know the answers to some of these questions.
If the cuckoo is genuinely and deliberately trying to shove you out then it needs to go to HR or to your line manager.
If its not deliberate...and it may not be, especially if this is her first jobshare, then I think the way forward is to begin by pleasantly and privately addressing it with your partner. You may like to mention to your line manager that you want to do this to get the arrangement on a more structured footing. I had to take this route once and the outcome was the best and most personally satisfying of all my jobshares, not just for me but for my partner too. We were both outspoken, go getter people and it could have ended as a power struggle if we hadn't sorted it, If you go this route then document your agreement and hold each other to it.

whatever happens I hope you get a happy outcome.