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How do non party animal teens find a girl/boy friend?

18 replies

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 08/10/2024 12:21

Back in my day the majority of us, even the shy bookish kids like me, would be well into drinking and clubbing (local dodgy nightclub and sixth form parties) by 16. It was easy to couple up and get boyfriends/girlfriends this way. Or we’d chat in the park after dark drinking cider. I know it’s not to be recommended but it’s how I grew out of being painfully shy and developed some social skills.

My DD is nearly 17 and not interested in alcohol. She’s autistic but masks well mostly and has a lovely tight group of friends. Occasionally goes to parties with old family friend’s kids where she chats to people but will be the only sober one. She’d like a boyfriend but doesn’t know how. She’s asked me for advice but my teenage years in a small Cornish town revolved around booze and drugs. How do teenagers meet each other these days?? Her close friends are girls or gay.

OP posts:
ButtSurgery · 08/10/2024 12:24

Dunno, but sounds like you grew up exactly the same way as me - Pz in the late 90s! 😂

Seeline · 08/10/2024 12:27

Social groups - youth clubs, sports clubs, music groups, special interest groups
Volunteering where other young people might also volunteer (park run, care homes, charity shops)
Saturday job
On the bus to school
Church

mealdeal20 · 08/10/2024 12:28

Gym or running clubs seems to be the thing now.
17 is still young. If she plans on going to college or uni she's do much more socialising there with a wider group of people

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VanCleefArpels · 08/10/2024 12:34

Sport, Church, Clubs at school/College, Drama group, Young Farmers, Scouts

2kbak · 08/10/2024 12:35

I don't know - my 16yo and 18yo are similar. They don't party or go out drinking.

Stinksmum · 08/10/2024 12:35

Mine met hers through school. Then she started playing Xbox with him and chatting from there. He's very similar to her, quiet, not bothered about going out.

QwestSprout · 08/10/2024 12:36

Presumably online, the same way I did when I was 16 in the early noughties?

Octavia64 · 08/10/2024 12:36

School
Scouts/guides
St John cadets
Band

Once at uni there are many many societies that are not about drinking,

StamppotAndGravy · 08/10/2024 12:37

Saturday jobs and then university. I was a late developer but also couldn't imagine snogging the boys I'd known since 11. New people and starts plus slightly older boys from a wider social pool made everything easier

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 08/10/2024 12:40

Mine is ultra sociable and outgoing but she actually met her bf of 2.5 years through school and not through parties etc. They were friends initially but spent lots of time together because they had the same free periods, and it just kind of developed from there.

H0mEredward · 08/10/2024 12:44

Tall ships holidays,
Duke of Edinburghs
Solo group travel.

HeddaGarbled · 08/10/2024 12:46

Friendship groups at school, mostly.

MumonabikeE5 · 08/10/2024 12:55

Mixed sex activities and hobbies?
volunteering?
summer camps?
D of E Gold residential?
Band/Orchestral?
Am Dram?

TwoLeggedGrooveMachine · 08/10/2024 17:30

Thanks for the suggestions. She’s just started college and starting to make friends there. She’d like a part time job but due to autism letting her settle into college first so she isn’t overwhelmed. She does a theatre group which is mostly girls. More interested in back stage stuff as she is too anxious to perform. It feels like nearly 17 is quite old to have not had a boyfriend? I’m 50 so all my dating was pre internet. I married my first Uni boyfriend so limited experience 😁

OP posts:
OctopusFriend · 08/10/2024 17:38

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 19, and at university.
My kids met bf/gf at school or on DoE events, but not until 16 or 17. I don't think it's too old, or problematic.
I'm happily married, they're in their late 20s, perfectly fine and settled.

MargaretThursday · 08/10/2024 18:01

Back in my day the majority of us, even the shy bookish kids like me, would be well into drinking and clubbing (local dodgy nightclub and sixth form parties) by 16.
Not my experience.
Boyrfriends were at youth club, Saturday jobs, sports' clubs etc.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/10/2024 19:37

My NT DD didn't have a boyfriend until she was 22. She met her now partner online.

RitaCarr · 09/10/2024 11:06

Traveling, joining interest groups, going to more crowded venues (movie viewings, gyms).

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