Christmas expectations for only child - commercialism vs meaning?

[famofthree]

Sorry this is a bit long...

Christmas Day is always just my nuclear family - me, husband and our 4 yo DS. We do have other wider family (on my DH's side) but we are not really really close to them due to stuff in his history and so we only see them a few times a year. We wont be having any more children as I can't have any more so for the foreseeable future Christmas Day will just be the 3 of us.

At Christmas we have tried to start our own family traditions. We are not religious so these don't involve going to church but we do try to make it a special family time. However I would like to build in something that is outward looking / perhaps charitable or just generally thinking of others or a bit more community spirited to balance the commercialism. This could be on the day itself or in the build up to Xmas Day. I'm not sure what's a good idea and could work either with a young child and as he grows up.

Long version - It's partly because when my son was 2/3 he started getting drawn into the materialistic side of Christmas (as I imagine all kids do - excited about presents, toys etc and influenced by friends at nursery etc). We see his wider family to whom we are not close for one day around the 28th. Their dynamic is very much about buying each other a tonne of presents, and eating loads of chocolate etc - all fine but honestly when I say a tonne of presents, they really do go crazy buying so much and spending a fortune. It's never really personalised gifts or specific things people might like but toiletries, socks, chocolates, gift boxes etc etc. everyone receives a huge pile of presents. It's lovely they enjoy it and are kind enough to include us but it's not really our vibe - my DH and I tend to buy each other more personal gifts and not necessarily spend a fortune.

For our son we do want to involve something outward looking at Christmas time to encourage the spirit of giving rather than pure commercialism, although obviously strike a balance and let him enjoy new toys as well. Last year we came away from our extended family with two huge sacks of presents for our son- it was very generous of course but honestly it was too much - so much plastic stuff, toys, cars, massive boxes , huge amounts of sweets and chocolates. We had nowhere to put it all. When he was 2 his Aunt bought everyone in the family a giant round tin of Celebrations chocolates each! This included my son aged 2!

It was quite overwhelming and by the time he was starting to unwrap his 20th or so present I felt like he was taking it all for granted. I suppose I didn't like the expectation it was setting for him (even though we have talked to him about being grateful and saying thank you etc).

Anyway I know this extended family don't know my son too well but they do this with everyone - spend a fortune on a massive pile generic gifts.

So what can we do to sort of "counter" that with something a bit more community spirited or in the spirit of giving, even though we are not churchgoers? The fact that's it's only the 3 of us on the day means we have time to build something into our festivities.

Does anyone else have this issue?

Hi 👋 we have three kids and I understand how hard it is when extended family want to spoil them rotten. I have an agreement with my brothers and their wives that we each only get one small present for each others kids (something like a voucher for whatever games console they play or arts and crafts stuff).

We don’t do Christmas Eve boxes etc, that’s just wasteful in my eyes. I do have the elf but that’s because they enjoy it so much- seeing what mischief he’s been up to in the night. I do simpler things like drive round the neighbourhood looking at Christmas lights, go to the school or church carol concert and the traditional bath, Christmas film, putting out the carrot, mince pie and milk before bed on Christmas Eve. The kids have one main present or a few smaller ones (depending on how much they cost) and a stocking. If there’s something on their list we haven’t got them my parents or in laws will get it from them and, if it’s come up, they’ll say Father Christmas tipped them off for ideas. I’ve also bought loads second hand toys off eBay and Facebook marketplace in previous years. They enjoy making their own Christmas cards, decorating the tree and watching Christmas films. It doesn’t have to cost the earth. We have a homemade cross stitch advent calendar and they take turns having a chocolate every third day and they appreciate it so much more than a cardboard one.

I try to throw some Christmas/ treat items into the food bank donations to try and add a little extra to someone else who is struggling’s Christmas.

Tree planting, your council may have a scheme, if not the Woodland Trust.

Actual presents can be less crap too eg bird boxes, science kits, etc

Filling the food bank trolley with some extra bits and bobs might help. My kids were shocked that there are people without basics like toothbrushes.

Dunelm (instore) have a Christmas tree with wishes for gifts from disadvantaged children. Some of them are so simple that they’ll have uou in tears. They have them right now and some of the wishes are for really basic things like chocolate, nice hair bobbles for schools, new underwear 😢

Operation Christmas Child can be really nice to do with him when he is a little older, you can give him control over which items he wants to fill the shoebox with with some gentle guidance from you.

We always got DDs to chose a gift for one of the Christmas toy collections.

I always support a family in need at Christmas with a food hamper and gifts for parents and children. A local charity organises everything and pairs up a family with a ‘family friend’. Its lovely knowing you’ve made a difference to a whole family at Christmas.
Local churches will also do lots of things to support families at Christmas so it would be worth looking into this too and see if you could get involved. You don’t need to worship to join in with community events in most churches so don’t let that put you off.

In my local town they have a collection for toys for children who are not well off. Shops opt in to collect and the toys go to an organisation which knows which families could do with them. Is there anything like that near you?

Local foodbank? Let him choose a number of items each week for the 4 weeks of Advent. Could be one tin of tomatoes a week or a big Christmas cake - it depends on your budget and how big you want it to get. Just the idea of giving is good. It's good for the rest of the family! They also want to give, but you find it overwhelming, which I can understand.

I like a pp's idea of an Advent calendar that I assume doesn't have in-built chocolates, and the children get one every so often. Each person in your house opens a door each day and you take it in turns to get a Freddo frog or a chocolate snowball on 6th, 12th, 18th and 24th. Obviously he's the one who gets the 6th and 24th.

Without being a church-goer you might enquire if any local churches make baskets with stuff in for babies, or the boxes that used to go abroad and still probably do. I can't remember what they were called but we used to opt into giving things for those, instead of Christmas cards to everyone, when I was at work.

Thanks for these ideas. I really like the Operation Christmas Child idea of a shoebox but I feel uncomfortable about their mission of sharing the gospel and that the gift is dependent on the child bring preached to? Sorry if I've misunderstood that but it feels like a recruitment thing?

I wonder if there are similar shoebox type schemes for giving to those in need without any expectations? I will do some research.

While I was typing someone has already said Operation Christmas Child.

Reverse advent calendar in November- every day you put something into a box for the food bank. Then on 1 December (when DC will get their advent calendar) you take it to the food bank.

Right, I don't think I did ever give to Operation Christmas Child but I can't remember the name of the scheme which my work colleague was giving to. See if the Lions or Round Table do boxes. Since retiring I have definitely done a box or two for some organisation (but which one?) which strictly said that no literature of any kind was to be put into the box.

Oh wow, I had no idea there was a evangelising aspect to Operation CC, you learn something new everyday! I’m not religious and my school wasn’t religious, but we did it there and I understood the idea was just supporting children in conflict zones etc. Hopefully you can find a similar charitable scheme that matches what you’re comfortable with.

Exactly this but you can also do it mid- Nov to mid December if you want it to be nearer to Christmas

Yes I've discovered more research. In case anyone else is in the same boat:

humanists.uk/humanism/humanism-today/humanists-doing/good-causes-and-charities/samaritans-purse/

Our local secondary school does shoeboxes for a local homeless charity. Apparently teen boys are the least likely to be the recipient of shoe boxes so I mainly make them for that age group.