Daughter has confessed to bullying

[OliveLion]

Hi my DD 8 is caught up in some friendship drama. Talking it through with her this weekend it is clear that one poor girl is getting picked on. My dd is not the ringleader but has definitely joined in to stay in the popular group. Dd is ashamed (confessed the whole thing as she was worrying about it). I’ve made it clear that she needs to apologise and stick up for the girl. We had the ‘how would you feel’ conversation. Is that enough? I’m tempted to let the teachers know and let DD face the consequences..

I agree tell the school. You don't have to drag dd into it. But you could as pps have mentioned, say dd was drawn in but realised it's wrong.

Are you friends with the parents of the other children? Both the bullies and the bullied child? Can you also speak to them?

It seems our daughters have been unkind to one of the girls in the class, I have spoken to DD about it and she has agreed to change her behaviour. I don't feel comfortable about this and think we owe it to this child to teach our daughters to be kind, even if they do not want to be friends with her.

and to the mother of the child...

I am sorry that our daughters have been unkind to your daughter. My daughter had told me and had promised to apologise to your daughter. I can understand that this must be very upsetting for your daughter, if you want to talk, I am happy to meet up for a coffee. I hope you feel that you could tell me if my daughter continues with this unkind behaviour and feel that you can raise it with the teacher and with me, if it does not stop.

and to the teacher...

Maybe make an appointment to chat with the teacher to see if there are other dynamics going on in the playground... or message her and say that your daughter has told you and promised to apologise to the girl in question and you felt that she should be aware so that she can keep an eye on the situation.

I wouldn’t tell the school. Not at this point.

I wouldn’t also tell her she has to befriend the other girl.
Of course, she has to stop bullying the other child! But it doesn’t mean they’re supposed to be friends.

You could tell your dd that she can tell a teacher when she sees the bullying going on though. That she can tell the others to stop because it’s unkind, that she can stick for the other girl.
And most importantly, I’d name it as bullying. (Not sure if she just knew something was wrong or if she realised it was bullying iyswim)
Basically all advice you’d give her if she was a witness of bullying but hasn’t been involved in the first place.

You need to tell DD's class teacher. This is too big for her to navigate alone.
Once back in the same situation, it is going to be very hard for her to not be either drawn into the bullying again or become the bullied child.

When you speak to the class teacher, be prepared to find out that you don’t have the whole story from DD as she, being a child, will only have seen and told you what is going on from her own perspective.

Do not speak to the other parents. The bully's parents are likely to have a different view of the situation and may claim that your DD is the ring-leader. The victim’s parents may believe the same or at least see DD as being no different from the ring-leader.

If the other parents speak to you, don’t engage other than to tell them the school is dealing with it. If they speak to DD, tell the headteacher.

Exactly what @SnowdaySewday says.
If you don't bring this to the attention of the school you are equally as complicit in the bullying.