I know I'm probably mad to even ask but I'm just so alone with no womanly advice around me & getting desperate for support.
My now ex has every symptom of narcissism down to the tee. Even the silent treatments the lot.
I'm due to have my baby in 12 weeks.
I left my partner about 10 weeks ago due to emotional abuse. I always kept my own house as didn't know what I wanted to do with it... thank god I did. I've been making my house all lovely for the past months ready for baby.
When I left him I changed my number the works
However, he can still email me which I don't actually mind as I keep everything for evidence for future.
Few weeks ago he sent messages saying he's having a baby with a woman he cannot stand.
Told me if he never sees me again it will be too soon. Also said I'm dead to him. He doesn't miss me & doesn't care about me anymore. During this he knew I was very poorly at the time.
I took his words literally. To me there is no worse than that.
This is the man I loved so deeply, my best friend, the person I saw my whole life with. I cannot even understand the monster he is now.
It's been a slow gradual transition but honestly I miss the mask he wore!!
He emailed me Friday saying "don't you ever feel like ringing me so we can talk?"
I didn't reply.
Where I'm at now....
painting my house alone. Getting the last bits for baby alone. Looking after myself. Working. Etc etc. whilst remembering all the things he called me. Which includes loser, the baby is a curse, and it's a bastard child out of wedlock.
I've got to give birth alone. I'm scared.
Can't bring myself to pack hospital bag without crying.
I'm constantly tired. So tired. Really lost myself lately. I love hair, nails, keeping myself presentable etc but can't remember last time I wore makeup. Hairs in a bun. I look pale & washed out. I'm doing so much alone.
I have older daughter (15) who's gone through this with me. (Had her young with previous relationship) She is amazing. A real Gem. But I don't let her help too much. I want her to be a teen still and enjoy her friends etc. she also sees her dad a lot (me and him have always been great friends) he has a new family now and I'm really pleased for him.
I'm very strong on a whole but sometimes I wake up & wish he was here for a cuddle. When I get pains and I'm scared I wish he was there to share it with. I wish we was getting ready for baby together.
But at the save time, I know he can't love me. This isn't what love does.
Do I reply to him or remain no contact.
I'm starting to feel vulnerable as I'm getting closer and closer to baby.
Sometimes I'm ok then I just cry and cry.
He said I've not treated him well enough to have his support? Which means his love is conditional.
This is the man that was rubbing my belly when we found out telling me he loved me.
Please don't have a go at me I'm on the edge of tears all the time. Xxxx
Don't even know why I'm here. Need women support really.
My mum is ok.. I know she loves me loads but she said it's hard to support much as I live 30 mins away from her. Excuses I know xx