I don’t feel for my wife the way I should

[Life456]

Basically I don’t find my wife attractive anymore. She was very controlling as well. I basically had an affair as I was convinced it was over. Absolutely the wrong way to do things I know! She’s gave me a second chance and lost loads of weight and for some reason changed about her opinions what I can and can’t do. She looks great but… I still don’t want to be here. I will never find anyone who loves me as much as her but I can’t return that love. I want to move on but also I can’t watch her move on! I know that’s so selfish. What do I do, say maybe try?

I have walked in your wife's shoes and it's torture. Please let her go and find someone who loves her, or even let her be happy single.

Life is too short to be this unhappy - set her free and let her find someone who loves her.

Another man who thinks with his pants.

She is not your 'ten out of ten', so my advice is to stop faking it, split up and let each of you find better more suitable partners.

What you have done is take the weak option - and strung her along for a lie. You have also gained yourself a badge saying 'when tough times come, I will cheat' and you won't ever be able to unsay that - not a good thing.

You are not the only one; there are plenty of threads on here about 'should I settle?' or 'my husband brings the money in so I'll stay but I'm checking out really and I don't ever want sex with him' - all of it is a lie.

Life is tough, paying for your choices is tough, but in the end we have to be honest and decent. If you do not feel that love for your wife no matter what she does, it is time to be honest and split up.

Ugh. Way too may posts like this on here at the moment. You are a walking cliché.

Why have you come on to Mumsnet to say you've treated your DW like shit and want to leave but don't want her to have her own life and be happy. What's the matter with you? Is this even real?

• *Leave her man and stop being an arsehole.

👏
This.
And life would instantly become easier, more pleasant and joyful.

I will never find anyone who loves me as much as her .

…..

1- what makes you think that?
1 bis- since when the reason to stay in a marriage is because the other one ‘loves you’. I thought people stay in marriage because they love their partner 😵‍💫😵‍💫
2- how is that compatible with her ‘being controlling’ and then putting massive efforts to loose weight just to please you?
3- she might live you but you have no respect for her - cheating isn’t just ‘doing things the wrong way’. It’s a huge sign of disrespect. If you can’t do the basics, why are you still with her?

Leave, you have zero respect for her. Give the poor love a chance at genuine happiness.

I want to move on but also I can’t watch her move on!

You're a bad person and you should leave so that you don't ruin your wife's life any longer. You're a cheat, and the worst type, because you're blaming her for your own fuckery. Hope that helps.

Who wants to bed that the wife's newfound "controlling" is actually asking to know where he is and telling him he can't hang out alone with women, after he's already cheated on her once.

“She was very controlling as well.”

Did you just throw this line in there to try justify your situation?

What a ridiculous comment. You have no idea how much the OP weighs, or if they are even male, in the first place.

I don't think it's intended to be taken literally.

So? it is a silly comment, and we have no idea if the OP is male, like I said.

Textbook male behaviour.

This is either a reverse or the OP is one of those creeps that gets off on being humiliated by women because noone can be that much of an oblivious cockwomble

I wonder if you have come onto mumsnet knowing that your wife is a prolific mumsnetter and wanted her to see this.

Military man by any chance 🙄

Chances are that your wife is biding her time for your children (because I guarantee you probably have some) to grow up so she can use the time to sort herself out emotionally, financially and professionally before leaving you and taking everything.

A woman whose husband has had affairs is unlikely to love you as you claim. If she has forgiven you it will be for her own benefit or for the sake of your children. She'll more likely be temporarily stuck with you until she's is in a position to leave. Hopefully when she leaves, she'll take the house and your pension.

You sound like a right fucking prize.

Good luck to the next unlucky woman who is stupid enough to fall at your feet, that's if you're not already screwing around whilst no doubt 'working away'.

Well, that got rid of him 😂

It's always nice when the trash takes itself out.

If this is genuine, do the decent thing and leave. She deserves much better.