I can’t tell anyone that I’m withdrawing from diazepam

[mysecretproblem]

I was started on a low dose about winter 2022, following a very traumatic period. I’d been given it before, for short periods, but this time I was told to just continue taking it. I ended up under a mental health team with two consultants, and they told me to keep going with it.

It did help, and I slowly got my life back, but I couldn’t not take it and it was ruling my life - I had to have a pack wherever I went to the extent I stuffed it in my bra even going into the garden.

I asked my GP surgery a few times what to do, they said I was so bad with anxiety off it that they advised I keep going with it.

Then I moved house, and started a full time job. My new GP surgery were appalled and said they were absolutely not prescribing it, I have a strong family history of dementia and they said they didn’t know what the long term effects might be. I grew up with a parent who was addicted.

I stopped taking the majority of the tablets in May, cut down from 6 a day to 4, then 3, then 2, and so on until I hit half a tablet in the morning.

Thursday was my last half tablet.

I’ve got shaky hands, restless legs, I ‘jump’ when I try to relax (like when you’re falling asleep and wake suddenly), I’m sweating buckets at night, nightmares, tummy cramps, nerve pains, I had a migraine on Friday with flashing lights. A bit anxious but not massively so (for now).

I’m scared this will get worse, I keep reading online it can cause psychosis and seizures and all sorts.

And I can’t tell anyone. I can’t tell my colleagues, I work in a job where this wouldn’t be accepted at all, and I can’t use my phone during working hours, so I’m basically just pretending it’s all fine... I can’t book AL as I haven’t got much left this year. A couple of relatives now. My GP surgery said there isn’t much they can do, just to keep going.

I feel like from NHS I’m being treated as if I’ve done something awful, GP surgery have been pretty horrible at times. There aren’t services that suit if you’re full time working etc, I rang up nhs addiction service and they said they can’t help - woman I spoke to said I need a naloxone kit (for what I don’t know, that would be useless to me!), but couldn’t offer any more help. Surely there must be people who end up in this situation other than me!

You're doing really really well! I suspect that the worst of the withdrawal symptoms are passing now. Stay strong as this is a really big achievement. Maybe a couple of days to look after yourself might help if you have enough AL? Withdrawal (especially unmedicated) is traumatic from anything and it will take time before you feel 'you' again and realise you're starting to look forward again.

Well done on making so many positive changes in your life. The acute stages of detox are the first 4-5 days, so the good news is that you are over the worst of it. Give it another 10 days and you will be totally free of them.

I don't think addiction services would be any help to you really anyway as they will just advise you to do exactly what you have done already, cut them down and detox. You are always going to feel terrible during the detox, no one can stop that I'm afraid. If it gets to bad to work then you could go off sick, but you will probably just sit at home dwelling on it, so maybe work is best.

Keep going, you are doing amazingly

I’m sorry you have received poor care. You must be worried. Please phone postcript360 for advice and support. Sounds like you came off too quickly. If withdrawal is severe please go to the emergency department. Seizures are a risk. GP surgery have not given correct advice - often takes a while to reduce and stop and they should support you with a reducing script. https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a821e3340f0b62305b92945/clinical_guidelines_2017.pdf
I’ve linked to the UK drug treatment guidelines - benzo dependence is on page 119 to 121. Please show to your GP.
postscript 360 is a charity which helps people in your situation and can provide specific advice
www.postscript360.org.uk

I am amazed your old GP let you have the diazepam in the first place, it’s notoriously difficult to get hold of these days. Very occasionally they have prescribed it to be for one off anxiety (a flying phobia once and back pain). It’s so addictive that I think they have basically stopped giving it out. I would take some sick days and bed down, be kind to yourself, order food in….Sleep, watch movies, warm baths. You have been through a lot, it will take time but the worst is definitely over.

I think it was a method of shutting me up if I’m honest, I had horrendously bad health anxiety making me the patient from hell in terms of how anxious I was, constantly, I was so bad I couldn’t even get from bed to shower sometimes. I also lived in the centre of a city that’s known for drug problems, so it was a bit more normalised. I don’t know why no one ever questioned it, I was just basically left to crack on with it despite the fact that once I was on it, I felt I was wading through treacle most of the time.

I’ve asked for AL this week but I have to sort my own cover, and so far I’ve not been able to get anyone to do it, I think I’ll have to persist this week. I can to an extent sit at my desk. Terrified of asking for sick as I had covid in July and took time off then.

I was offered via 111 yesterday a six week further reduction on liquid diazepam (ie 0.3ml every 3rd day), but there’s a national shortage of that apparently, chemist said by the time they can source that I’d be past withdrawal anyway.

Hey op - you are doing amazingly and as others said, withdrawal does get easier. I have had a low dose of something similar for a few weeks for pain and had withdrawal for about a week. It was like being ill.
Is there any chance you could tell your work that you’ve had to have some medication for something recently and coming off it have been recommended to rest/adjust hours just for a few weeks?
Noting what a pp says about proper withdrawal and guidance though - is there anyone who would come to your gp and advocate for you?

You’ve done nothing wrong and deserve the right support. So sorry you’re going through this.

You have done brilliantly, all by yourself too - you should be past the worst if your last half tablet was on Thursday.

My dd has it for similar reasons but she was warned never to take more than 3 days in a row and max 2 tablets per day. It is the right drug for some but your old gp was neglectful in my opinion, i would be writing to the practice manager

CBD helped with my anxiety. I have found GPS are rubbish with it and unfortunately diazepam is only a sticking plaster. I had to completely overhaul how I aye, slept, exercised and managed my whole life. No alcohol, great diet, loads of exercise and HRT ( this may not be relevant) all helped to minimise it but I still get horrendous days. Feels more manageable now though as know it will pass. Fingers crossed for you. It’s awful and you have my sympathies.

I’d be terrified of trying CBD to be honest, I think my workplace have a drug screening policy so I’m petrified of trying anything I don’t have on prescription.

I managed OK ish today. Felt a bit shaky at times, mostly when coming off the train home from work, but I’m managing to keep going. Sickness and shakiness is worst in the morning and then a bit of insomnia at bedtime. The jumping thing is annoying, that happens quite often when I’m concentrating at work I jolt a little bit. But I don’t think my colleagues have spotted it yet thank God.

I get you re alcohol, I can’t drink at all really. Even now that I’m coming down on meds, I still think I couldn’t do it.

I’m so sorry I meant CBT! Must be auto corrected and I do apologise. I got mine free through the GP, was really helpful in rethinking my anxiety. Good luck. Hope you are feeling better today. Sounds like you are doing amazingly well.

Awww no worries! Yeah I’ve had CBT, it definitely helps. I suppose CBD may well too haha. Today has been OK, I’m more exhausted and funny on my feet than anything else. Minor panicky feelings occasionally but nothing as extreme as I’ve had before thank God.

OP I'm afraid I can't offer any advice as I very fortunately haven't been in your position, but I had to pop in and offer my congratulations at what you have achieved so far. Well done, and keep it up!

Thank you x today’s proving much harder, I don’t feel right at all. Dizzy spells, palpitations and depersonalisation. Rather be in bed, I can hardly even bloody type.

God OP you've done amazingly well to wean yourself off like that. that takes some strength. They recommend not being on it for more than 2-4 weeks and you've been on it 2 years! You are doing so well but things are bound to be up and down for a bit, I can't believe how unsupportive the doctors and your work sound tbh. Do you have any supportive people around you? I have nothing but admiration for you, keep fighting and knowing that it won't be forever - 1 day, 1 hour, 1 minute at a time.

God bless you, OP. I've had to detox from diazepam too. I was prescribed it while my late partner was terminally ill and we had two toddlers (years ago now). I probably would have had a breakdown without it. So please don't beat yourself up for following the initial advice to keep taking it.

I did wean off it after a year (while he was still alive), gradually and at my own pace and always with my GP being supportive.

I would honestly look to see another doctor or change GP practice. It is cruel to rush a detox, you are trying your best. What weight are your tablets? 2mg/5/10? Like when you say you got down to half a tablet, how much was that?