My autistic daughter has been removed from my care

[Losingthefaith]

I'm in Scotland. My (abusive) ex partner has taken court action against me as our autistic daughter in P7 has struggled with school since lockdown. At the start of P6, she stopped contact with dad and her attendance dropped to below 10%. She was at burnout and recovered enough to re-establish contact with dad and get into school. An extended period with dad over the holidays, plus the anxiety of P7, has triggered another episode of burnout. She is on the CAMHS pathway and we're seeing them this week.
On Friday, a Sheriff ruled that my daughter would be removed from my care and placed into the full time care of her dad. Me and her sister (13), estranged from her dad, will have contact from 10 am to 5 pm each Saturday. I can't be trusted to have her overnight as I won't return her. It is an interim order commencing 19th October. She ignored the recommendations of the children's reporter and child psychologist which to keep 3 nights contact and not to split the sisters.
The Sheriff sees this through the lens of bad parenting, with no understanding of autism and the impact this has on avoiding dad and school. Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences?

I would suggest you need legal advice

Agree, legal advice needed. It must be very difficult for you both to be separated from each other. I suppose the test will be whether her dad manages to get her into school every day or not during this period. If he comes up against the same problems as you did then it won’t reflect as badly on you and the court will need to consider that it’s not how she’s being parented that’s the issue.

Were you represented at the hearing? If the order doesn't start until 19/10 that suggests they've left room for other representations to be made. You need to get legal advice and then do exactly what they tell you. It may be a case of waiting it out and getting fresh eyes on the situation.

What is the timescale and process for you to appeal against this decision?

I don't have any advise. Except I had a ND school refuser. Good luck to her dad getting her into school while maintaining her sanity. Dad might find he is deep doodoo himself soon when he realises she wasn't refusing for you alone.

I'm really sorry, this situation sucks

I’d recommend posting this on the Autistic Girls Network Facebook group. Lots of hugely knowledgeable people who can help from the autistic angle.

Sending you lots of hugs and hoping you can get hour DD back asap.

This. If she thrives in dad’s care then really she is in the best place. If he also can’t get her into school or it is a complete disaster then you will have a lot more solid grounds to get her back.

As above. He will surely run into the same difficulties as you and they will see it wasn't your fault.

I think a little time and patience may work here, as Dad is surely going to have the same problems that you've had. And find an expert solicitor who specialises in this area.

Is she now going to school? Sometimes changing residency can reset the relationship with school, it's worth a chance surely for her future. It's about her

Don't think you can have read OPs post.

I'd give it time to work. Maybe this change will help her get into a better routine. I'd sit back and see what happens. Perhaps a break between you might be a good thing. I'd ask for more time together during the school holidays. It could be she's hard work for her dad and he cannot cope with her past Christmas.

As a mum of two ND children who don’t go to school and have burnout periods my heart goes out to you. This is so stressful and upsetting op. How did your daughter react? Can you speak to sunshine support? Not entirely sure if they are available in Scotland but if not im sure they will signpost you?

sunshine-support.org

She was managing a bit of school, we were slowly building it up. However, he insisted on court ordered contact and she stopped attending school to avoid going to his.
This contact resulted in a significant meltdown and then shutdown. She didn't eat for days after.
I have a solicitor, my case was heard last thing on Friday, so I was left hanging.

Also the Facebook group ‘not fine in school’

I've posted on there

I've not told her yet, as it commences after half term. We have a CAMHS appointment this week which I simply have to get her to.

It's quite likely dad will get her into school, to the detriment of her mental health.

It's likely to be traumatising for an autistic child who is already overwhelmed by the demands of school.

Yes and then at some point she'll be so broken, I'll need to pick up the pieces

Exactly this. She hasn't left the house in weeks. Very withdrawn. This is two weeks after two days with dad playing happy families with his new girlfriend and her daughter.

I have no guidance but wanted to say I am so sorry for you, your daughter and your other daughter. I am horrified (but sadly not surprised) that the psychologist’s advice was ignored. I hope you can find the inner peace to give you courage to tolerate this insanity.