I just need to have a quick vent about DH

[BlueShed]

He's been away all weekend on a mates weekend. This morning, I put the slow cooker on, and then later had to take the kids out. The timer would have run out whilst we were out so I restarted it, because it needed longer anyway.

He arrived home two hours ago. I've just got back with the kids. There is no lovely warming smell of cooking beef. I look at the slow cooker and it's barely steamed up. Obviously, when I reset the timer, I forgot to press start again. (It seems I also forgot to put the dishwasher on, it was not a great morning!). He said "oh yeah, I looked at it but I didn't really know what was going on".

There's a lump of mainly raw beef sitting in a load of tepid juice. Probably a germ fest, but hopefully they'll die off now I've turned it on again.

But it won't be ready for tea time and there's nothing else to feed the kids.

Clearly, my mistake. But he could have sent me a quick text, couldn't he? Why does this sort of thing never occur?

Can’t you put it on the hob instead? My DH is pretty good in the kitchen but wouldn’t have interfered /noticed either. I’m afraid it’s on you.

He did notice though 🙁. And yes, it's very much on me, but if he'd texted and the turned it on, it would have been in time for dinner.

U had a job to do and messed it up and are blaming others?

I wouldn't expect dh to know why the slow cooker was off unless I told him I was cooking it until X time. I'd say you made the mistake and looking to blame someone else . Ditto dishwasher.

But it is just a mistake and you can have it tomorrow. Just get something out the freezer tonight

Men, I have noticed, steer clear of asking questions.

If they don’t know, it’s not worth knowing.

To admit otherwise would be very humbling.

If they really WANT to know, they try a different tack, which would have involved a vaguely angry phone call with a comment like “ why the hell have you left a pot of raw cold meat?!” said with a faint implication he knows exactly what is going on and what ought to be done to remedy it, but is just going to flush out your ignorance so you know better in future. Translated this would be roughly equivalent to:” I’ve noticed the slow cooker isn’t on. Did you want me to do something? I thought best to check before I switch it on …”

Sadly for you, however, he didn’t want to know so you didn’t even get that.

It’s not unusual for the male species to struggle with constructive questioning, done humbly.

ETA this is why in the days before sat nav you would drive round in circles with him seemingly not hearing your suggestion that maybe you could just stop and ask someone. Nowadays that has been replaced by long and furious venting about the uselessness of sat nav programmers.

Oh come on - he's got a hangover and feeling like licking the windows. Leave him to it to sweat it out.

Crumbs. I did post in chat, not AIBU. And I'm mentioning it here because I know it's not worth an argument over.

I fucked up. I'm owning it. He did notice it's wasn't on. He does know how it works. He did think it was odd. He didn't think to text and ask if it should be on. That's the bit that's irritating me. But apart from mentioning it here, it won't be mentioned again.

Although I could always try and blame him for the dishwasher, I hadn't thought of that

@Calliopespa @PatsyPatsysaid Thank you, you've both made me smile. Especially the driving round in circles. I had a ex that would do that for ages rather than stop and ask!

Yeah it really is a thing.

Even our Dc know not to say something like “ isn’t it saying the right lane?” We all just sit and let the Sat Nav rant wash over us.

It's your mistake not his. Not sure why you need to vent.

Because it’s frustrating when you have a lot of domestic tasks to juggle, you’ve made the effort to put the meal on and he’s just been out on the piss then found it, not bothered to text, and let the whole thing sit at an unhealthy heat when all he needed to do was text and flick a switch. It’s undermining.

Maybe he had a quick look at the mainly raw meat in tepid juices and though. Not sure what's going on there, but I'm ordering Chinese for dinner.