Awkward family dilemma

[realdavidtyson]

I booked a family holiday this October during half term for my wife and children, a week on a boat on the Norfolk broads. My wife and I are separated but we co-parent and we're trying to sort things out between us.
Our daughter said to her younger brother a few days ago, if mum's coming on holiday I'm not coming, her brother told me and hence the dilemma.
My wife and daughter have had issues for a while but they'd started to get along.
I want my whole family to come on the holiday and I know if I mention this to my wife she'll say she'll stay at home and miss the holiday so our daughter can go but I don't want my wife to miss out....dilemma.

How old is your daughter? What are the issues they’ve had?

With the best will in the world, a week on a boat on the Norfolk Broads in October is not going to be good for family harmony. The boats are small and the weather is likely to be mediocre at best. Whatever tensions are already there will only multiply. I would urge you to reconsider.

The children are the priority. Being trapped in a small boat together when that's not what your daughter wants sounds like bad idea.

Thank you, I appreciate the information about the boats in Norfolk, I really hope they can sort things out, our daughter is like most 16yr old, a bit moody, a bit angry, sometimes happy, she's due to start her mock GCSEs but she has been diagnosed with behavioural difficulties which she takes out on us but mainly her mum, I keep hoping maybe the holiday will help them bond but also it may be that you're right and it would make it worse.

I've been on holiday Norfolk Broads in October with mid teens. Weather ok-ish, but we bonded as a family as teens had something to do (co-operativly) as always something to do on boat. But my teens were boys. It could be great, but needs a 'get on with it/everyone' attitude which it sounds like your daughter doesn't want to embrace. Could anyone else look after daughter?

I'm a bit sad for your daughter that you seem to be putting your desire to get back together with your wife above your daughter's feelings. It's much harder to be a teenager with all of the pressures of exams, hormones, SM, friendship groups etc and added to that a combustible relationship with your wife and the separation to deal with.

I think you should put your daughter first. It's not that much longer and she'll probably be leaving home but she'll never forget how you both treat her now at such a difficult time.

I agree that this holiday could make things so much worse.
None of you will have much space physically and mentally, its a bad idea.

She’s probably confused by the on/off thing between her parents on top of everything else she’s got going on. Playing happy families when things haven’t been good is confusing.

Are you suggesting you’ll leave her at home so you have more of a chance of getting back with your ex? Can’t you date your ex away from the kids?

What’s the room set up you’re planning?

Thank you for your suggestions, I'm not putting my ex above our daughters feelings, I took them the children on holiday during the summer break without their mum but when I booked /paid for the boating holiday our daughter and my ex were getting on swimmingly but that's changed again, our daughter loves her mum but they don't get along for long and her mum is truly a great mum, she's mum to our other 6 children (4 are in their 20s and have got places of their own now). I'm willing to make the tough decision if I have to but they're both amazing people and I don't want to see either of them upset.

Goodness take the moody daughter and give your ex-wife a well earned week off to herself!

I can't work out how many children you have.
Other 6 - is that dd and ds plus six or dd plus 6 so how come the older 4? Seems you've either got 8 or 7 or 6 or 5? Confused. Please illuminate.
Just trying to understand potential family dynamics.

I think maybe go just with the 2 children, and let your wife have a break and try and reassure her it's not a rejection and not because she's done anything wrong.

I seem to be in the minority here but I believe that parents should show a united front. I don’t think you should be allowing your daughter to dictate who attends the family holiday and if she chooses not to go and a solution can’t be found, the holiday will need to be cancelled. You will only be opening yourself up for further problems for both relationships and it is especially important if you are trying to work on the relationship with your wife.

I wouldn’t want to spend a week on a boat with someone I found difficult to get on with. Don’t force it or you will make things worse. Whatever that means you deciding.

I understand that your wife is amazing and that your daughter is amazing, and that you want them to get along. But there might be some challenges to making them get along during a week on a boat on the Norfolk broads in October.
Is your family used to that kind of trip/holiday?

I hope everything will work out for you all.

Maybe ita your 16yo daughter's way of saying I seriously don't want to be stuck on a boat in Norfolk in October. (Each to their own but I can think of nothing worse).

I think if their relationship us at all rocky this would tip it over the edge.