Does anyone else here, struggle with the same things as me?

[Winterysun]

For context, I'm a fairly intelligent person, top stream in most subjects at comprehensive school, talented player of several musical instruments, the person colleagues come to if they need a difficult letter worded or phone call made, and I could list more! BUT - the following things catch me out frequently:

Team building days at work, for instance, I seem to struggle understanding new concepts quickly enough to use them in a exercise, given time I can, but struggle when put on the spot.

Out with people - go to the toilet or buy a round of drinks, then struggle to remember where we were sitting if in a big area - embarrassing!

Escape Room with family recently - really struggled to grasp the sequence of events, leading to SIL getting frustrated, which upset me.

Remembering directions, again embarrassing, especially when directing someone who knows you've been there before!

I've wondered about Dyspraxia. Even as a teen, I remember my mum wondering how I could memorize a lengthy poem and recite it at school assrmbly, but struggle to unlock a door! People are generally surprised if they see me struggle like this, as day-to-day they see me as quite capable!

Before I even got down as far as your last paragraph @Winterysun I was thinking dyspraxia, or at least some form of neurodiversity.

I think we may be twins! When I was reading what you wrote, I immediately got what you were saying. It isn't about intellect is it, it's just about how we process things, how we rationalise and the pace at which we can figure stuff out, sometimes quicker, other times slower.

At school I took longer than other pupils to process new concepts, I had to go away and work through it in my own way, then when I 'got it' it stuck forever. Also I find that there are things I get, instantaneously, that other people don't, and they go all round the houses until they arrive at the conclusion I'd already reached. I doubt myself, thinking maybe I've completely get the wrong end of the stick, but Ive realised that it's just the way our brains work differently.

you are obviously very capable! Celebrate your uniqueness and don't ever feel you're second best, you most certainly aren't.

You sound like me. Diagnosed ASS at 45.

Ffs. ASD.

Me too! Educated to degree level. Work in written communications. Cook, sing, paint, draw and sew to a high standard.

No sense of direction as in none. Lived in the same place seven years and still don’t know whether to turn left or right at end of drive. People don’t believe me but it’s true. I have to check every time.

I feel worried and anxious going on holiday because I can’t seem to negotiate an airport or railway station. I see all the little signs and then miss the enormous ones overhead saying “arrivals” and “departures”, even though I make an effort not to do this! Distracted by too many people, everyone moving, smells, noise etc.

I also can’t do any mental arithmetic. I can manage the times table and that’s it! I literally cannot hold the numbers visually in my mind long enough to do the calculation. Even though I learn visually. It’s so strange and embarrassing. I shop at an outdoor fresh food market as I cannot tolerate indoor markets and can’t work out the change and so just thrust too much money towards the vendor and hope they give me the right sum back in return.

It’s embarrassing frankly and I hide it from everyone.

Edited to say: I cannot work in a team! My thought processes are literally paralysed when in company. I have to go and work things out alone like a pp said.

Thank you Daisy, and Boulevard. 💕

Tbh I can go for long periods of time without it affecting me, then a few things happen at once.

The Escape Room day was one (best I avoid those I think)! Then out for lunch with friends recently in a large Italian restaurant with little alcoves and two similar looking eating areas I went to get the Coffees (my turn as they'd bought our drinks with meal).

I came from the bar with coffees, and couldn't see our table! Looked in each direction and had no option but to walk all the way round, then heard my name called, and saw my friends at our table, OTHER side of bar, one shaking her head and the other muttering 'I wonder about her sometimes'!, both exasperated.

Understandably, as we needed to be on next train, but it put a cloud over the day for me.

Maybe I should explain it to people, but I'd end up standing out even more!

I relate to this - have ADHD, diagnosed when I was about 11. No sense of direction - will always be relied upon to go the wrong way. Have to put the sat nav on to most places I drive to regularly - even those a few miles away. I navigate by landmarks and orientation.

Under pressure I can't remember sequences either. I learnt a new sport last week where you have to change positions occasionally and I couldn't remember when and where I was meant to be and I could feel people getting exasperated at my incompetence. It can feel really belittling,can't it!

On the other hand I was never top of everything or particularly accomplished at anything so at least you have that 😊

jjeorro, I'm sure there's plenty You're good at! 🙂 You sound very much like me though!

I'm generally fine working out cash payments, EXCEPT for example, a group of us are splitting the bill, I put down the correct money and someone says for example, 'Oh, I've only got a £20 note so I'll give you this, take your contribution and you split the difference with so-and-so etc, I get totally confused, I need it written down.😚

Once this led to a colleague banging money down in front of me, saying 'Just take THIS change, not THAT pile'! with an eyeroll to the group.

I do card payments only now in groups, normally do cash on my own though. Some people aren't very patient!

I'm just like that OP, pretty sure I'm autistic (DD is diagnosed) and struggle in exactly the sort of situations you describe. I was also academic (until the wheels came off midway through secondary school, very common amongst autistic females I now know), write an excellent letter and am generally regarded as intelligent but struggle with remembering where we've parked the car or how to split a bill under pressure. DD's diagnosis was like a series of lightbulbs going on for me and it definitely helps me not be hard on myself knowing there's a likely reason for it all.

I have no sense of direction and I'm not great with my left and right. I am rubbish at maths but oddly good with money. I cannot catch or hit a ball and I'm not very good with phones or doors.

I'm intelligent and resourceful but how can I just not do these things?

You aren't pregnant are you?

That sounds very like my experience of baby-brain. It drove me to distraction.

Sounds like me too. Absolutely appalling sense of direction which drives my family mad. Went to the same high school for 7 years (about an hour away) and when a different relative collected me and needed directions… I hadn’t a clue! Also a bit “slow on the uptake” despite being very academic at school and university. Also artistic and musical but hopeless at mental maths, get very muddled. I do wonder if I’m neurodivergent in some way - especially since there is now more recognition that women are underdiagnosed. Doesn’t really affect my life enough that I’d ever bother to get a diagnosis, and I’m already on a few medications for long term health conditions so wouldn’t want to go down that route.

Oh and once lost my car at an IKEA car park - wandering round for hours 🙄

I sympathise, user! 😊 Talking about doors, I can lock & unlock ours without thinking, but an unfamiliar lock takes me a LONG time to adapt to!

Meadow - No, definitely not pregnant, I've recently turned 50! 😀 These things were issues back in my teens though. I couldn't fathom how pupils in lower academic sets than me, could navigate unfamiliar routes on geography field trips better than me! Of course I realise now that I'm probably an undiagnosed dyspraxic.

Maybe I should explain it to people, but I'd end up standing out even more!

I do a very good line in "masking", so nobody has ever detected my unique struggles, and because there are loads of things I do really well.

If you think it would remove the pressure, telling people what's going on could be helpful for you.

I am worried that people would go away with completely the wrong impression and draw the conclusion I'm a bit 'slow on the uptake'. Funnily enough I do well in exams when I've had time to rehearse my technique in advance. Other people get by with minimal or no revision, my living nightmare is starting an exam and realising I don't have a clue what's staring back at me on the page. The upside is that I remember things from exams years after - like I can reel off the 7 Layer Model of Computer Networks that we learned in 2005, it's baked into my brain.

Something really weird happened the other day at work, that made me really doubt myself. A few of us were sent an email about a recent meeting and the outcomes of the discussion. I just couldn't make head or tail of it. Others seemed to get it immediately. It turned out they had been in the meeting and were able to fill in the gaps. I hadn't been in the meeting so it was complete gobbledygook. Now that the gaps have been filled in I could pick out the parts that had been poorly explained and were very unclear.

See, I'd never send out an email where half the information is implied, because I know what a struggle it is to grasp complex thing, but that doesn't always happen. I'm certain that organisations deliberately mess with your brain

I can relate to the directions thing. I can’t find my way anywhere and whenever I go into work, I completely forget where in our car park I left my car. Every time.

I also have a problem with facial recognition. I sometimes run training events as a consultant. If I didn’t get the delegates to write their names in front of them, I’d be entirely buggered - even by the end of the day. I used to dread my kids befriending yet another mousy brown, blue-eyed boy as they all looked the same to me for about a year.

But I am very good in teams and I’m a former member of Mensa, so I can manage spatial and cognitive challenges. I’m just lamentably terrible at directions.

It seems there are several of us in this position, at least I'm not alone! 😊

It's so frustrating, for instance, when after doing a presentation and it's gone well, to do something silly like get the order wrong of the papers I'm giving out, leading people to say I've confused them. Or perfectly organise someone's surprise birthday lunch, only to turn the wrong way out of the restaurant afterwards, with people going 'Winterysun, wake UP'!

It seems my skills are let down by really silly things which I can't help. Yes I check things, and practise routes in advance when I can which really helps me! It's being put on the spot without prep time, that's a challenge. 🤔