My father is quick to anger. He lives in a very grandiose fantasy world. He has been "doing up" his flat for a couple of years, but he is actually just sitting in chaos. All the furniture is in the middle of each room. He has ripped the wood off the bathroom walls and wants to knock another wall down. The place is tiny but he wants to put in another bathroom- meaning there will be no storage. At the same time, he is saying he is doing several other projects. He has been chaotic for his whole life. He has undiagnosed cPTSD with ADHD like symptoms. If I ever try and address anything with him he gets defensive. He has been single for a few years which he is unhappy about. I feel a lot of empathy for him. But I also have resentment because he refuses to let anyone help him. I know he is avoidant and feel like I should let it go and just leave him to it. But it is very hard seeing him in such chaos in his home environment and mentally. He has always been inconsistent, but this is like that x10. He is unhappy and says he feels like he should be further on in life than he is. And I am trying to tell him that having a stable home environment is an important foundation to grow from and to focus on that if he wants to achieve something in heath, love or other projects. But his attention is all over the place. He would rather talk about ideas and fantasies that actually make them happen. I just don't know what to do or what is going on and I'm scared to speak to him because he gets very aggressive. Being around him absolutely drains me, and if he gets angry it takes me days or weeks to recover as I go into freeze mode.
I haven't spoken to my mother in 3 years because she is an alcoholic that lets her partner abuse me and my sister. That is another story. But I feel like just never speaking to either of them again. It is so sad and heartbreaking. I have compassion for all of them as I understand that they are wounded. Even abusers are very wounded people. Even people that cause harm are ignorant and their hearts are closed. I know I have to protect myself, but as the same time I still feel compassion and forgiveness.
I am just exhaused and want to focus on my own life.
Maybe I should try and stage an intervention for my dad? Or just distance myself as well. I don't know.
Can anyone relate?