Dd is comfort eating … how to help

[Thoughtthatcounts]

Dd is 15 years old. She was always slim and active until last year. Her dad was diagnosed with cancer at the beginning of the year but is now thankfully in remission but it has been an awful year for us all. My dd has started to eat all the time and refusing to do any exercise so her weight is creeping up very fast. We hide as much food as we can but she will just help herself to bread, cheese etc if not watched constantly. If I try and discourage her from eating in between meals she gets very angry and defensive. Last week she did cooking at school - a cake. She ate the lot during her lunch break. The rest of the family are very slim and active in fact my son is underweight so hard to make sure there is enough food available for him to eat but out of sight for my dd. I try and get her out for walks or bike rides but she refuses. Any pocket money she has goes on junk food. I’m so worried about handling this right and ready to accept if I am doing anything wrong. She has refused counselling about her dad’s illness so not sure she would accept any help.

Your daughter is really distressed and not coping. Focusing on her weight and restricting food access won't help and will make her worse as she'll be in shame. I'd just be loving and supportive and encourage her in her general wellbeing particularly with her mental health. And to get out and about more when she's ready. Binge eating gives you a serotonin hit briefly so she's probably focusing on that. I'd also encourage generally good body image by doing things like taking her to get her nails and hair done if she likes that

All I can say is this can get bad pretty quick. My close aunt died when I was 13. I uncontrollably comfort ate. When I was 15 I was 20 stone. Yes 20stone. My self esteem was horrific I left school I laid in bed all day everyday depressed and eating more. My mother didn't stop me once. She'd buy the takeaways and the junk from the shops to give to me as she wanted to 'make me feel better' granted she was going through losing her sister so was probably mentally not aware of the effect she was having on me by helping me eat. This affected my relationships as I got older as I had such low self esteem I'd get with ass holes who would walk all over me..I have a binge eating disorder..slight inconvenience I eat until I feel physically sick but still eat more. I've since lost all of the weight gain but it took years and I'd starve myself a lot of it because I just do not have a healthy relationship with food. I sit here now nearly 20 weeks pregnant and I feel SO guilty for gaining weight even though I'm growing a child. Some days I'll eat barely anything and the next I'll eat everything in sight. My mental state is still affected now from that 13 year old I once was eating everything I could see.

Please be honest to her. There's no nice way of saying you're getting fat stop eating so much but it's the reality that I wish I was told. She may be very offended and upset with you but in the long run she will thank you I promise. You need to make her aware she is gaining fast and eats a lot and offer your support and help. Hiding food won't help her

As someone who did this when my dad died, and is suffering the effects now over 40 years on, I would say she needs to.speak to someone. A place where she can say what she likes, rant or wail is ideal. Look into some counseling. The food is probably the one thing she feels she can control. Good luck

I was a teen who comfort ate op...my mother died after a long illness and I turned to food. Since then, I've battled with my weight all my life so I'd say it's really important to deal with this now. Looking back, what was really really unhelpful for me was everyone around me solely focusing on food and my access to it, rather than dealing with my emotional state. Also people focusing solely on how I looked. It's really important to be kind to her...not suggesting you wouldn't be by the way. And focus on her emotional well being and feelings about what's happening in her and your families lives right now.