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Advice needed for two partners at different life stages

2 replies

Jn89 · 06/10/2024 00:59

Advice needed.

My partner of10 years and I had a baby a few years ago. Im 34 he is 40. He lived a life where none of his friends had kids where as all of my friends have kids. He loves to go out and chat to people and drink. Since having the baby he wouldn't go out as frequently but still gets out around 3 times a month on average. Some times it can be weeks of not going out and then the next few weekends he is out one night. However, when he goes out, I never know how long he is out for. He could be anything from 4 to 12 hours. Now he just stays over night at a friend's and cokes back in the morning.

He is also frequently invited away for weekends or nights away with his guy pals as one of them has an air b and b in a nice location, where we have gone a couple of times.

I am begginging to feel alone in this parenting journey, over the last year. I am still breast feeding so I took on all of the night feeds. I am currently on night no 5 of no feeding at night, which is hard as my toddler is awakening looking for comfort. My partner hadn't offered to take over for night, instead he has gone to the pub for a few and did the same last Saturday night. He doesn't really know anyone in our new village. So, I'm left with the baby and also feeling like my company isn't enough that he feels he has to go out and talk to strangers. He wants me to go out with my friends like he does, however my friends all habe families and have kind of moved on from this phase in their life, so only go out now and then. Not ti mention I am so tired come 10pm from all of the night feeds and wake ups, I don't feel like it.

3 weeks ago I also found sexual text messages, he had been sending to a girl, 5 years ago. I had moved out but chose to forgive him. I am feeling a bit stupid now as I have moved back in and he is off out because he needs to socialise. I just don't feel he is that remorseful for what happened as nothing happened psychically and from the actions of wanting to go out for his own needs and not thinking of mine.

I don't think I am being silly or out of order, am I?

OP posts:
Shyfrog · 06/10/2024 01:06

Yeah you’re not being unreasonable you’re being emotionally neglected and having to do too much I don’t know what the answer is but I’m not sure it’s leaving or you’ll have to manage completely on your own

Jn89 · 06/10/2024 01:26

Thank you. I'm OK with the leaving part. It's the co parenting part I find difficult as that is what I have been doing with my older son. I wish he could see this.

OP posts:
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