Is this ok or inappropriate?

[elliejjtiny]

My youngest 's teacher's daughter died suddenly as a toddler. He taught 4 of my dc so we know him very well. It's the anniversary of her death this week and I would like to give him a card. Would that be ok so you think? I also wasn't sure when to give it to him. I could bring it to school when I pick up dc and get dc to give it to him then but I don't want to upset him in front of his class. I could give it to the receptionist and ask her to give it to him when the children have gone home but that makes me feel like one of those people who cross the road to avoid grieving people.

I wouldn’t, lots of people actively avoid marking anniversaries.

No, I don’t think it’s appropriate to give a card for this situation. People grieve in different ways, some people prefer not to focus on anniversary dates whilst others do but it’s a very personal thing and I don’t think it’s a good idea to do this.

I understand you’re trying to be kind, but no I don’t think it’s right to give a card in these circumstances.

I think a sympathy card at the time delivered via reception would have been fine. A card on the anniversary of her death feels a bit inappropriate.

That is a lovely and kind thought OP and I am sure he and his family will appreciate it. It will be a very hard day for him so giving it to the Receptionist is a good idea. You aren’t ‘crossing the road’, you’re doing the pure opposite by sending a card.

(I didn’t get so much as a text from family members on the anniversary of a significant bereavement - it stings. Wish there were more thoughtful people like you around).

Thank you. He posted on facebook on her birthday after she died with a photo of her grave covered in balloons and flowers so I think he is the type of person who acknowledges anniversaries. He does a lot of fundraising for a bereavement charity too. I would definitely give the card to the receptionist though if I decide to give a card.

Having lost a child, I would very much appreciate this. Although I think you should give it at the end of the day. It's a lovely thought and would mean a lot to me x

Thank you. I'm going to give him a card via the school reception.

Just thought I would update to say that I brought the card in to school when I picked up my youngest. His teacher understandably wasn't in so I gave it to the TA who kindly said she would look after it and give it to him when the children had gone home today. I got a message saying he was really grateful that we had thought of him and his wife so I'm really pleased we did it.