Found out expecting second and feel awful

[Kamko]

We had tried for a second earlier in the year, I miscarried, and actually in the wake of that had been wondering what it would be like to be one and done instead.

I've just found out I'm pregnant and I feel awful for my 2 year old who isn't going to be the baby anymore. My mum always favoured my younger sister and I don't want that to happen for my eldest.

I then feel bad for the new baby that I'm feeling so bad!

Posted before done but feel bad for babay as feel ill never love another child like I live my eldest. Then go back to worrying about my toddler feeling pushed out by baby.

Any advice for this turmoil?

I think this is not uncommon in a situation where you have had a sibling that is favoured

The very fact that you are so acutely aware means that you are more unlikely to repeat the pattern of your parents.

I think that many parents wonder how they will love another child as much as their first but most of them manage it!

I think it is like gifts. They are meant for the person on the label. You have a large box of love In your heart labeled with your first child's name. It is full to overflowing with love. You can only give that live to the child it is meant for

But when you have a second child you have a different box with their name on, also overflowing with love. Having the second box doesn't diminish the amount of love in the first.

Sharing time and attention has to be split of course but again most parents manage that reasonably well, especially where a couple can work as a team!

I think these feelings are totally normal OP. I've heard lots of people with two kids say similar and the feelings do pass -- and they do love both kids equally! The fact that very conscious of fairness due to your experiences with your younger sister probably means you'll be amazing at treating them both fairly and equally.

Iv just found out I’m have my 5th. Felt this way for my youngest with every new baby. Sad they wouldn’t be the baby anymore and feel this way now with my 4th but I know she is going to absolutely love being a big sister

You will love them just as much. Please try not to pity them. They will have a different upbringing, one that starts with a sibling which is nice in a different way. Also you are not your mum. Just say I don't have a favourite. Full stop.

I wrote this exact post 6 years ago before the arrival of DD2. Same age difference 2 years. I was bereft thinking of poor DD1 and how she wouldn't be my little best friend anymore. Honestly it will all work itself out. My two are 7&5 now and wouldn't be without each other. I don't think DD1 has any memory of being an only and she's still my little bestie. DD2 is just the most easy going ray of sunshine, every thing will be good . Don't worry.

Just remember women are born with an inbuilt guilt complex which leaps into life when a baby is born. We automatically feel guilty - I sent my older ds to boarding school but kept the younger one at home. Now I feel guilty because I sent ds1 away, but also guilty because ds2 didn't have the same opportunities. I'm sure I love them both equally though. We can't win!

I think this is so common OP - I felt the same when I had my second and lots of my friends said they did too. It's so nice that your children will have a sibling and you absolutely will love them just as much - just think you didn't know love like the love you have for your firstborn until they arrived... and that will happen with your second too

I like the analogy that having more kids is like lighting another candle from the same flame- the next one glows just as bright without taking anything away from the first. My second is 2 months old now and it’s definitely a learning curve for all of us, but in a wonderful way.