Maybe I'm just not up to it?

[Burnserns]

I've been feeling utterly horrible about my job (academic). In some ways I'm doing well. I get great teaching scores, I'm good at the student pastoral stuff and the admin side. I just feel like a complete research failure. I have a small grant at the moment and it feels like I am just getting everything wrong. Timings are all off, which is my fault. Worried I won't get the data I need. I think the reality is maybe I'm not smart enough to do this job. I'm just waiting to be revealed as a huge fraud. I can't sleep with anxiety over my short comings, already been to the GP and have a sertraline prescription, as I have a history of anxiety.

I feel trapped, I can't just walk away from this career (only salary in the household) and have a small child.

Not sure what I want from the thread. Just feeling really alone with this...

If it's a case of off timing, is it really your fault?

I doubt very much the problems are intrinsic to you - you'll have had to do a lot of work already to get this far - during which any intellectual issues would have already shown up.

It sounds more like you are overwhelmed. Do you have any sort of supervisor/mentor/line manager you could discuss it all with?

Thank you so much for your kind response. You are right of course, I need to reach out and get some advice/help. It's what I would advise a student to do. I worry about highlighting my failures but I am overwhelmed and it will only get worse if I don't ask for help.