What would you think of that?

[InvisibleMan]

DP away every weekend for the last 3 years. ‘To help his mum’ since FIL died. Or for one of his hobbies,

2 dcs at Uni who are back this weekend - unusual, we normally see them back home about 3x a year, Christmas, Easter and ‘some time’ during the summer.

DP decides that, as he is doing a hobby close to MIL with one of the dc, he’ll go and see her and won’t be back until 6.00~7.00pm.

We have a meal planned this evening for the other dc’s birthday.
So he won’t be able to ‘participate’ to any of the preparation. As usual.
He will hardly see his dc either….

I’d have reached the end of my tether much sooner than this tbh op.

Could he not move in with his mum?

Then you can be free to date other men, ones who aren’t a total let down.

I'd say he has another woman / family and tells them he is working away all week and only occasionally sees MIL.

Moving in with his mum was one of his suggestion @TheLightSideOfTheMoon .
Couldn’t get why I said NO.

It didn’t use to be like this

@ImCamembertTheBigCheese he definitely at his mum. I have no doubt about that one.

For the last THREE YEARS?

Do you actually spend any time together?

I don’t understand why you’d say no.

Let him go.

He really doesn’t care about you or the children. There is something he can do at his mum’s that he can’t do at home: hobby, affair, drugs, drink, gambling, and avoiding you are all possible answers. He absolutely can be “at his mum’s” and having an affair.

What would I think of that? I would think he is having an affair

What happens during the week?

Yay there are some reasons why he is so happy to be at his mum. Long story but it is understandable (and also explain why he wanted to move there)

But yes it feels he doesn’t care about me or the dcs.
The fact he is acting like that towards dc is what is hurting more.

You know that is an interesting insight, OP. Its a sign that the relationship is toxic for you that you have slowly come to accept his indifference to you and only really become (rightfully) indignant when it is visited on the children. Surely you have a right to love and companionship from your husband? Or why be married?

I would be willing to bet there is OW.

Either way he's checked out and you deserve not to be trapped in an unhappy marriage.

You’re probably right @pikkumyy77 😢😢

No shame in this for you! —he is treating you horribly and all the shame is on him. Take stock of the situation. If you can afford it tell him to move to his mother’s and live separately. Start dating and live the rest of your life for yourself.

What an arse he is.

He's quite clearly not bothered about either you or the kids. You seem to have accepted this. Your kids are adults, it's sad for them but they'll be able to see him for what he really is.

I’ve been quite unwell for the last 2.5 years. Still not well tbh.

I’ve had no space to think about him and the marriage tbh.
But yes it has slowly being eroding my self esteem and I’m now questioning myself a lot.

But it makes thinking about separation hard. The logistic, having enough to live on. The stress of a divorce.
Just now I just can’t fantom even starting the process.

Lots of work on myself (physical health and MH) to do

You obviously have some insight into why he's happy being at his DM's rather than home Op. Does his DM spoil him when he goes there? I wonder if he's one of those men who thinks it's his wives job to pander to him and as you've been unwell he thinks you're not looking after him. It's sad but too many men can't cope with an ill wife because they want to come first.