Social services and Bed Bug Dilemma

[Bedbugdilemma]

I don't know if anyone can help or tell me which way to turn but

*My mum's in hospital. Vulnerable adult with mobility problems and I'd been trying to get social services support so she should be on list for assessment. She desperately wants to go home. I think with support she could.

*But her flat is infested with bed bugs. Badly. And it's also a mess where she was trying to bag things up so they could spray and then she self neglected for a whole so it's really quite bad.

*I have no money. We're already struggling month by month.

*she is a council Tennant but it's a council where they don't do bed bugs. The council once did spray reluctantly but it obviously didn't work.

*she has bipolar and came off her meds and I think brought a ridiculous amount of clothes and I don't know where they will go.

She's currently trapped in hospital as she can't go home and terrified she'll just lose it all.

Noone wants to coordinate or take responsibility or pay.

I have so many issues of my own and of it wasn't bugs would probably go and spend a weekend cleaning up.

But what do I do? I am so exhausted and struggling in my own world and I have so little support.

I remember your posts from before her being admitted. It sounds like a complicated situation. Has her physical health issues been resolved? Is she well enough to go home?

I would speak to age concern and the hospital social worker.

Thankyou so much Chillis. I really appreciated that thread when she was going in.

The hospital social worker indicated its usually the families responsibility. She's only been on the case just under a week as mum seems to have been just left on the ward with no real joined up thinking.

Housing has arranged a meeting for ward staff, social worker and myself but I don't know what they will say.

I did contact a bug place but it's 1400 plus it needs to be tidy and it's this that's going round my head as I can't go in and sort it and of course others can't.

She could be discharged with care now but obviously noone would be able to come into her flat if its infested.

The council housing have asked why the bugs came back (grrr) as if she's at fault.

I'm getting worn down by it all as she's ringing me saying "you will help won't you"... And fixating on whatever it is she needs bringing in.

Currently she has nothing other than what I've brought her as I can't go in the flat. And her anxiety is so high she can't relax or rest her brain is just spinning.

Its all so sad.

I just feel like I don't know what to do.

Go to the meeting and say what you cannot do. Clearly calmly.
If you cannot go to her house and sort it say so.
As an adult parent you are not obliged to care for her especially if you have your own things to deal with .
Say "i cannot do that. Please transfer her to a temporary care home and arrange the house pest control and cleaning"

"I cannot do that. Please transfer her from hospital to a assisted living flat /supported housing "

She might lose the house and you might end up agreeing to clear her belongings but it is adult care responsibility to house her suitably

I'd imagine your Mum staying in hospital us going to pretty quickly cost more than 1400 so I'd go into the meeting with that in mind. What do you think would be pragmatic? Council pay for specialist cleaners who will have the correct PPE to go in first? Maybe a load of your mum's stuff is going to have to be binned as a compromise.

Can you suit up in one of those haz mat style overall and clear up. Bag all her clothes and bedding to wash on a high temperature.
Then tell the hospital social worker she can't go hone until the bed bugs have been treated and she / you cannot afford it.

You could of course put it to social care that she may need some kind of supported accommodation instead. Surely it will be cheaper for them to help with the clean up than pay for care.

You have to say you cannot help. Full stop.

It's hard, I've been there. You will feel guilt, you will feel judged but for her sake and yours, you have to say you are not able to do anything. If they offer up ideas to 'help' you, you have to say you are not willing to do anything.

SS are so stretched that they will do anything they can to put the responsibility to sort it all on the families, I get it- they have to. But if the family refuses then SS have to do the leg work, and then the vulnerable person will get the assistance they actually need.

In our area if a hospital discharge is being held up because the property in unsuitable, we have a team that will go in prior to discharge and deep clean (paid for by the council) because if she needs a package of care then carers will refuse to go in if not suitable (fair enough)
Obviously they will hope that family will take on the task of cleaning up. But there are many people without any family support with unmet care and support needs.

I think you need to point out that the current situation is effectively stalemate and that they (SS/council) are the only ones who can move it on by providing some help with clearing/treating the house. You are absolutely unable to resolve this otherwise due to your own limitations (physical, emotional and financial) and unless they help the situation will remain the same.

So much in these circumstances is reliant on a joined up approach from the relevant agencies but it's often not there and needs someone to point out the 'checkmate' nature of what needs to happen versus what they're currently offering. You may need to do this more than once before the right person hears what you're saying and joins the dots so be prepared for that but don't give up. Ultimately you can't do what they're asking of you so it's on them to come up with an alternative, they can't/won't want to leave DM in hospital indefinitely/unecessarily so it's in everyone's interests to find a way forward.