Scared for my life to change

[Zen324]

I am 29.
I have a long term partner, we have a house, 1 dog and 2 cats - my only responsibilities.
I am aware my dad is getting older- turning 70 - he has aches and pains, he has a limp when he walks, he's not a spring chicken. My best friend has a 1 year old, she lost her mum a couple years before having her and that is playing on my mind. I want my parents around as long as possible for when I have children.

Is there a little bit of pressure to have a baby, yes in my own mind. But my parents have never or would never ask for grandchildren. They know first hand how hard it is and they would never make me feel like I should have them.

One moment I feel excited about the thought of having a baby.. a little person that me and the love of my life created....... the next I feel what I can only describe as dread, grief for a life that I would lose. May sound dramatic.

I love my life, I love MY family to be my only focus. I love spending all my free time with my partner. I love being with my dog 24/7 - I love visiting my parents and siblings on the weekends.

One moment I think about how exciting it would be to have a baby, what a lovely life we would have - first steps, trips to the seaside, watching them grow, unconditional love.
The next I think about the money, the less time with my partner, the potential sleep deprived arguments, not being able to cuddle my animals when I want, not having my parents or my partner to myself. Does this sound selfish?

I remember when my mum told us that she was expecting our brother and the thought of having a new human being in my home freaked me out, I broke down - yes I was only 6. And dont get me wrong I adjusted quickly after he was born and I adored my brother, I would do anything for him. But that same feeling I had when i was 6 is what I feel when I think about having a baby.

Does anyone else feel this way or felt this way before they had a baby?

Are these all signs that I'm not ready or are these normal emotions?

How can I be this age and feel like this?

Will I ever get over these feelings?

Yes, these feelings will all leave when/ if you have a child. They will be the greatest treasure in your life. Your sunshine. However, do not make this decision out of obligation

Everyone is different. Everyone's morals and values are different. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling.
A child is a life altering decision. There are joys and tears as with anything else. Only you can decide what you want life to look like for you. Only you can decide what you are willing or not willing to compromise.
Listen to your intuition. Don't betray yourself to please others or society.
Best of luck to you 🙂

Having children is the biggest life altering decision and should not be a decision made lightly.

I have 2 DC (a 2 year old and a 2 week old) and my life is completely different but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
I do miss simple things like just being able to nip out without it being a huge planned operation, but the love you feel for your children outweighs that 100000x

It sounds like you have very mature thinking and self awareness about what you enjoy in life. Having a baby does turn everything upside down and therefore it is obviously a huge decision as you can't go back on it. Only have a baby when you're ready.
I would say I was very naïve. I wanted a baby but I didn't have the same realisation about the impact it would have on my life that you have. I found the first few years very very hard as I think I was in shock and I missed my old life. However (and this is a big however...) my children now bring me huge amounts of joy, I love my life and my new little family. I also love how the kids interact with other members of my extended family - we are also much closer as a result. Despite the difficult early years and adjustment, I now wouldn't change a thing.

I think sometimes things can feel great but after a while it all becomes predictable and boring
It doesn’t matter if it is about bringing a baby into this world or changing jobs or moving hpuse

You have to understand that the status quo doesn’t last forever and change can be a good thing.
Yes it is scary but I think you have to be honest with yourself
If you got to an age where the choice of children or not has been taken away would you feel that you missed out

Only you can answer that question

I’m personally 27, so understand the pressure in real time - but I think you’d be stupid NOT to be terrified. You’re literally (potentially) creating a life, a whole human who will go from baby, to child, to teen, to adult. That’s huge. It’d be the biggest decision you’ve ever made in your entire life. There are more unknowns than there are knowns. So you have every right to be terrified.

I feel the same as you. One minute, I’m desperate for a baby. The next, I’m looking at my sister, who has a toddler with additional needs and a baby. Juggling a full time job, childcare, expenses - and she has a wonderful DH who is active as a husband and father! Yet she’s still struggling with PPD, PPA, and just general overwhelm of having 2 young kids. She loves them of course, more than anything, but she has genuinely told me that she wouldn’t recommend parenthood to anyone.

All this to say, it’s a deeply personal thing, and it’s your choice to make. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Don’t let external pressure (even perceived) force you into a decision you’re not ready for. I don’t imagine the terror ever really goes away, but you’ll know yourself when you’re ready to take it on. You have time.

And to add - I think it’s completely normal at any age to be terrified of making a huge life decision that cannot be undone. If I had a positive pregnancy test in the morning, I’d be delighted - but I’d also be ringing my Mam in a panic claiming I’m still only a baby myself!! Teen pregnancy, I’d call it!!! (My wrinkles and lovely silver hairs disagree!!! 😭)

I was in the same position as you at 29, long term relationship (we had been together 6 years!), house, 1 dog and 2 cats. My parents weren't as old as yours though,

Anyway, we made the leap, got pregnant right away (wasn't that lucky second time round) and had my first baby a few months before I turned 30. I'm now 33 and pregnant with number 2.

My daughter btw is bloody amazing, she's 3.5 now

My god it's been hard work and as much as I love my animals, I kind of wish I didn't have them because looking after them (particularly my dog) has made everything a lot harder for us. But my daughter and my dog love each other so that's nice

Yes, I recommend

It's okay not to have children.
Just wanted to add that.

Agree with @Notmanyleftnow

So people have kids because they think that's what they're meant to do rather than because that's what they really want. Lots of selfish parents in the world. Much better to have a long think and if it's not for you that's absolutely fine!