Your favourite sayings and phrases?

[speakamore]

Someone just said 'He's so tight, he'd cut a fart in half and save half to sniff later if he could' I haven't stopped laughing to myself

I also love 'Tighter than a gnats arse'

On a more serious note, the phrase 'If they wanted to, they would'

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail

Don't argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

That butters no parsnips with me.

A bit at a time.

And on a less serious note, my lovely dad used to say

"Speak brown, you're through," when ripping off a massive fart.

We're not here to fuck spiders

Shit, or get off the pot 😂
Rough as a badger's arse
Put wood in th'hole
On it like a monkey on a cupcake
You're like horse shit, always in the road
You make a better door than a window

Not my circus, not my monkey

When soaked by the rain, my husband will describe himself as 'wetter than a turfer's knee' which I really love.

My FIL sent me a picture of the beautifully-trimmed lawn edges, captioned 'straighter than a porn star's wotsit', which was so unexpected that I laughed for quite a while.

My other favourite is 'when your tit's caught in the wringer, it's probably because you put it there' to describe a problem of one's own making.

This is brilliant, made me laugh

Many years ago my DM bought a t-shirt that said

I am Mucking Fuddled ,
for years the family used it when ever something confused us or didn't go as we expected or if we went upstairs/ into another room and forgot why .

I need to revive this phrase !

Don't piss on my back and tell me it's raining.

You're neither use nor ornament

No is a complete sentence.

That's brilliant

I like William Morris' maxim of 'have nothing in your house that you either believe to be beautiful or know to be useful'.

Therefore, I'm also a big fan of describing somebody or something useless as 'neither use or ornament'.

You can't ride two horses with one arse (from the film Sweet Home Alabama)

If you don’t change, nothing changes...

They couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery

"you must be confusing me with someone that gives a flying fuck about what you think". Surprisingly useful, that one.

Thst sounds like a you problem

Reminds me I don't have to bend over to accommodate other people all the time

Drier than a nuns c**t.

@cheesypinwheel 'when your tit's caught in the wringer, it's probably because you put it there' I do like this one.

‘Don’t shit on your own doorstep’

‘I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire’ is also a personal favourite

What's that got to do with the price of fish
Which given I live abroad often confuses the hell out of people when I use it

And my other fish favourite...

So long and thanks for all the fish
Which people either smile at thr reference or look at me like I'm nuts