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Pretending I’m not lonely

4 replies

Londonlassy · 04/10/2024 12:43

we moved to a new area when my DD was four and the move was necessary for my husband’s work and now my family and friend network are on the other side of the country.. We chose the town because it had a great small school ,and everyone talked about it was super friendly and great for families.

initially it was great I met a group of mums whose DDs would be starting school at the same time as my DD. We did outings with the kids to the park, museums and play centres. The mum’s started catching up without out the kids for weekends away, dinners out, hikes. I had so much in common with these women and I thought I’d found my tribe

Two years after school started it was apparent my DD was having challenges and we realised she is neurologically diverse.

DD is now 11 and whilst the girls in her year tolerate her they don’t want to be her friend outside school. She is much more immature and gets upset easily with other kids and can be overbearing. She doesn’t want to join the social activities that the rest of the girls enjoy such as football and dance classes. She never gets invited to parties or other girls places and she now just wants to spend all her time on the iPad.

I have lost my mum friends. I tried to keep the friendship going but they were hiding that parties and play dates were happening as my daughter wasn’t invited. I pretended that I wasn’t aware and I was ok. The mums also got really into supporting their DD activities and there is a lot of socialising with this.

i WFH and my husband works requires frequent travel so it’s impossible for me to get into hobbies where I would meet other people. I can accept that my daughter is ND but I can’t accept I now have no friends. I am so tired of Masking. that I am ok and not incredibly lonely

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 04/10/2024 12:51

That sounds really hard - is there any way that you can not work from home all the time? Go into the office for a bit, socialise that way?

I've had times in my life where I've been more isolated eg. when the DCs were tiny and DH worked evenings and I have to say that MN was a godsend - just making "friends" on some long-running threads was amazing and when later on in my life I was freed up, I could get out there and make friends again through an exercise class and other things like that.

"Mum friends" are people who come into your life for a season and then leave again - they are usually situational, and others will come and go like that too so I wouldn't take it as a personal rejection.

It sounds like you're also struggling with the fact that your DD just wants to be on the ipad all the time. Is there anything that you and she can do together, disregarding other kids? Just to get you out of the house and her off the ipad. Swimming? Pottery club? Music group?

ElysiumFeels · 04/10/2024 12:52

OP I really feel for you. Those mum's cutting you out is on them not you but clearly that doesn't help. Many people feel similarly. I'm in a similar situation. If you're husband is traveling for work so much why do you need to be based where you are? Could you move back? Or could he stop traveling as much? Have you spoken to him?

loropianalover · 04/10/2024 12:53

Are there any local Facebook groups for parents with ND kids, they might do meet ups?

Or can you start a hobby/class once a week?

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Londonlassy · 04/10/2024 13:16

Thanks for all the advice so far just to explain my husband’s travell is like full days till about 9pm and occasionally overnights but we can’t for his work return home. I have spoken to my DH about this so many times he is sick of it to be honest.

I like the expression mum friends are just for the season - that helps

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