What to do?

[Engineweld]

what do I do? 3yrs ago, my BIL came to stay at mine. He paid no rent and during that time I cooked, did his washing and drying. He moved out about 6wks later.
4mnths later, he’s back “temporarily” although paying rent this time, but this was 2 years ago. For the last 12mnths it’s caused countless arguments between me and OH cos I think he should have moved out long before now but OH won’t speak to him about it and is staying out of it For 12mnths I did his cooking, washing and drying. No one said a thing and just let me do it. Then he started doing his own. Fine by me.
My BIL has finally said he’s looking at moving out but wants cheapest rent but perfect house. Virtually impossible with todays housing crisis but he doesn’t care.
5wks ago my 19yr grandson had to come to mine. I didn’t take rent as he was supposed to move back with his mum. Now that’s not happening. I am going to charge rent but not much as he intends to move out asap and needs to save. His mum and me are helping to find him somewhere.
My OH has done nothing but complain about him since (he has so much washing!!) calling me a MUG cos I do my GS’s washing and cooking (Forgetting that I did the same for his brother for over a year)
Am I a mug?
AIBU for wanting BIL to move out asap?
I desperately need advice.
For the record, it’s my house, I’ve paid, and still pay for everything in it, furniture, garden, upkeep etc. it’s took many long years and hard work to get what I’ve got today on my own and I’m very house proud. My OH moved in 4yrs ago and just pays half to bills

I really don’t know what to do.

I would tell OH and BiL to move out. They are disrespectful. They could get somewhere together - problem solved.

Boot your boyfriend out of your property. It doesn't improve your life by having him there so live separately, enjoy life.
Don't provide servant duties for adult men.

Give BIL two months to find somewhere else. Not your problem where. I’ve no idea where you let him come back.

Give GS the same and he either moves back to his mum’s or out to his own place.

I would then decide whether OH is adding to my life or not. I’m giving that the benefit of the doubt for now and accepting that you can’t tell what life is like together because you’re surrounded by other cocklodging men.

Why are you such a doormat? Why are you skivvying around cooking, cleaning and doing the laundry of a grown man or men, in this case?

Why are you sitting back and allowing people to move into your house?

GS is here through no fault of his or his mums own (private landlord sold house, they're homeless so impossible to go to mums. She's in hotel miles away with other GSons)
BiL has been told he has to move out but always has an excuse and not sure if he's actually looking so giving him a time limit is a pretty good idea.

I'd give DP and BIL the boot. They should find a lovely house if they pool their cash for the rent!

Get rid of them both!!!
It's your house so why on earth are you letting your OH call the shots? He's a piss taker just like his brother.

Tell your bil to leave and if your partner doesn’t like it tell him to leave too, tell him it is nothing to do with him if you want to support your teenage grandson which is totally normal! This would give me the rage

Sounds like your partner doesn't like the power shift now with GS. Blood is thicker than water etc etc

Before there was him and BIL v you, now it's more even.

I would suggest you say to OH, it's clear yoyr BIL is finding it hard to move out on his own, so I am giving you both 2 months notice to find somewhere I think you need to move with him, at least the first move.

Whilst you have 19 year old grandson as back up, put it in a text message writing so it can't be misunderstood.

Get them both out and enjoy some time with GS.

To be honest yes, I think you’re a mug to have let it go on this long and be basically a skivvy for both him and your OH. I’d be telling them both to be out by the weekend and they can pool their saved money into a flat no problem. I’d not have anyone nag me in my own home about helping my family when I’ve spent YEARS bending over backwards over their waste of space brother. Why was he happy for you to do all his brother’s dirty work (literally) in the house but now it’s an issue I wonder?

Is BIL OH brother?

Your boyfriend and his brother should move out and rent a place together. How dare he complain about your grandson living in your house, he’s your grandson and it’s YOUR house.
You need to wake up and realise that you’re being taken advantage of OP, I’m sorry to put it so bluntly x

Tell OH to tell his DB to leave.
If he hasn’t told him by the weekend then tell them both to go! Your OH is unreasonable and entitled, just like his DB. They are both taking the p*ss.

As an aside - definitely get your GS to be mucking in with the household chores if he isn’t already. You are not his maid.

Sending strength!

Ditch the bil AND the OH! Live your life in peace and harmony.

You should move out and leave them all to it. Nice calm little one bed appartment somewhere.

What’s the saying? Have nothing in the house unless it’s useful or brings you joy?

Should you decide to keep dp, I would do a purposeful going off my brain. Hoiked bosoms, a loud, firm voice, strong opinions and a complete take no shit any more moment. Remind him that he is there at your pleasure.

It’s not nice, I’ve only ever done it once but I got the result I needed.

@PacificAtlantic It’s HER house!

I’m not surprised your OH thinks he’s entitled to dictate the terms of your living arrangements - he’s obviously been doing it for some years already, and not only have you accepted him moving his brother in and out of your home as he sees fit, you’ve facilitated it by silently skivvying for these two grown men like some kind of indentured servant.

And now he wants to dictate whether or not you can help out your own grandson in your own home by berating and nagging you until he’s gone.

Why are you being so passive? You’re entitled to be raging at this point. Just make it stop, OP. Surprise the fuck out of him by asserting yourself for once.

Don’t ask his CF brother to move out, tell him. Give him notice that he and his stuff need to vacate the premises by a certain date. If that doesn’t happen, put his stuff out. Change the locks if you need to. Make these fucking entitled men understand that they’re living in your home and it’s therefore on your terms - and the BIL’s leave to remain expired a long time ago.

And let your OH know your patience with him is running equally thin and it’s absolutely none of his business whether and on what terms you choose to accommodate your own family members. Stand up for yourself - it’ll spin his stupid fucking head round given that he’s clearly not used to it.

We attract the behaviours we accept. You've allowed yourself to become a doormat, no surprise people are wiping their feet on you. Time to find your self respect OP. You don't need these useless men in your life.

I think you have missed the very important last section:

For the record, it’s my house, I’ve paid, and still pay for everything in it, furniture, garden, upkeep etc

I'm another who thinks your boyfriend and his brother should move out. They are both living off your goodwill.

Tell boyfriend and BIL to move in together.
Get your keys back/change the locks.
You are enabling their behaviour - stop now.

I get the feeling that you want to keep DP and are wary of rocking the boat with him re the BIL situation.

Your GS is your blood relative and it looks like he will want to get back with his mum as soon as he is in a position to do so.

BIL and your DP have a nice little set up going. The arrival of your GS has upset their little apple cart now.

So you have to decide what to do here. Either keep going in order to keep your DP or give them both notice to leave. I think if BIL goes your DP will see it as an insult to HIM, so both together is probably for the best. Over to you....

YANBU at all. Your DP thinks he can dictate how you use your property. Your BiL thinks you're his housekeeper. The pair of them are aware of a shift in the balance of power, with the arrival of a young man who has every reason to stick up for his Gran and no reason to care about them. Also, who knows what he's telling his Mum about those two and what her Mum has to put up with from them?

I'd give DP and DBiL their marching orders and keep the GS on condition that he pays rent and pitches in with the chores. As long as he's nice to be around, his situation isn't as urgent as shoehorning those two moochers out.