MIL not bothered about a new grandchild

[Shrew82]

So my husband called his mother 6 weeks ago to let her know we are expecting
i have not received even a text message

We’ve been together for 20 years
She always preferred my SiL girls, my poor 7 year old son was questioning me why she only plays with girls & we are expecting another boy … time spending with her is awful as she always do stuff to wind me up & she knows that my husband wouldnt upset her a stood up for me
We are on speaking terms thanks to me because i do not want any arguments in the family, but for how much longer
what are your thoughts about it

shall i get seriously offended now, getting to the point when i just had enough

Hi
Sorry that you have this in your family.
It isn’t nice for any of you especially your 7year old son and of course your husband.
I feel that, as difficult as it may seem, it would be good for your little family, and your unborn child. If you can just rise above all your MIL’s favouritism and keep everything sweet and happy.
It takes a bigger person to not feel slighted or aggrieved by this kind of action. But believe me it’s just not worth the time or energy to allow yourself to be bothered by it. Also your husband must be feeling very, very hurt by his mother’s actions. It won’t help him if you become upset and critical of his mother.
People are who they are! We cannot change them. Best to just be your sweet, charming self, stay dignified and non-confrontational. Your husband will love you the more for it believe me. As for your son noticing that his grandmother doesn’t pay him attention - I would try to maybe limit the contact. And when he does question things be ready with a simple answer eg
“Granny’s getting old. Sometimes old people can act like this. We don’t know why but we won’t say anything cos it might upset her.”

You sound a lovely person, mother and wife/partner. Keep the peace for your own sake and that of your family. You’ll feel better once you just dismiss it and accept that this is how MIL is. Don’t waste any more time or energy on this. And believe me - she ain’t gonna change! After all it’s her loss not to have a loving relationship with you and her grandsons.
Sending you all the good wishes in the world. And congratulations on your new pregnancy.

I'm sorry OP but I think you are capitulating too much to keep the peace.
I'm of the opinion that no family is better than shit family.
Your DH can see her. No reason for you and your DS to see her if she treats you badly or does things to intentionally hit a nerve.

Easier to say though a keyboard I know, but I would always stand up for myself to her - ive never understood why so many on Mumsnet expect their DH to only say something. I would be saying something too. Your son has started to notice - it will only get worse.

I could overlook no text re pregnancy i would expect mil to say congratulations to dh during phonecall then to me when i see her.

I would not have 7 year old feeling different to other grandchildren that is awful. I would expect dh to talk to her and if she doesnt improve then keep a distance.

We had a different scenario with my MIL but similar in a way. My MIL was ok with us having 2 children.

When the 3rd pg was announced she said "why? You've already got a girl and a boy!!"

(We actually went on to have 5) All adult now but MIL never had the GC to stay once we had the 3rd. All visits to Grandma stopped unless we were there. She wanted to have the eldest 2 only.

That carried on whilst DC3 was a baby but, as he got older, he wanted to sleep over at Grandma's like his older sibs.

We thought it was just because she (and Granddad was alive then too) could not cope with more than two so we suggested DC3 with just one sib.

But it was a point blank refusal!!!!

Her loss - now they are adult and barely see her. They just are not close, and no wonder. She still favours the eldest now and phones her often.

Try not to let this bother you too much, OP. Her loss. Grandparents are weird sometimes.

Thank you guys, each reply was very helpful & will certainly do few things differently from now

My MIL favours her daughters DS over ours. Only 11 months age difference- no point trying to change it, it will not happen. My DS will never be witness to this favoritism and so now she only has contact with DH. Me and DS are NC.

I think you need to protect your children and tell your partner to grow a back bone. When a 7 yr old voices their concern that nan only plays with female cousins and has got upset about it it was at that point you and your partner needed to sort it out or leave the miserable old witch out of your lives