The guilt of thinking of termination

[Japanese2024]

Pls help. I'm writing here to get my head clear before telling husband later. Pregnancy choices forum seems to have very little traffic.

Back story is that when I was younger, a partner pushed me into abortion and left. I was quite badly upset about this for a long time and never would have considered abortion again.

My husband and I had a long road to have our son. Late miscarriages and fertility issues. I then was very ill during pregnancy and spent most of it in hospital. Due to this we said we'd only have our son and just appreciate having him.

I went on the pill for the past two years but my mental health tanked. I was struggling with panic attacks so I came off it. We had sex the next day. We had such fertility issues that I never would have considered pregnancy (stupid me). This morning I took a positive test.

I am full of guilt that I'm considering an abortion but I don't want to be ill again while my son is little. I wouldn't be able to parent him well and I've also started a new job so I don't want to disappear from that

Pls help me see straight x

You can have a TOP for any reason that you choose, without guilt, and you don't have to tell your partner.good luck.

I don't think anyone here can advise you about what to do. But some things to consider are:

What was the impact of your previous termination on your mental health? What do you have in place to support you if this termination affected you in the same way - particularly if you didn't tell your partner?

Was your decision to stop at one child purely down to your illness during pregnancy, or are there other factors to it also?

How likely is it that you will experience the same illness during this pregnancy?

Are you fully informed about your legal rights WRT pregnancy and employment? If not, https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/ is a very good resource to help you consider your options in terms of your recent job.

Do you have any sense of what your husband's position would be? It's not his decision to make, but it is a major decision that impacts him, and while @pinkfleece is right that you don't have to tell him, I think there is a difference between not telling a man you had a fling with, and not telling a man you're spending the rest of your life with, in a relationship that is (presumably - i realise this is an assumption) built largely on trust and openness.

What would you abd your family gain - financially, emotionally, in terms of your family dynamic - by either having a termination or by having a second child?

To be clear I will tell my husband later today but I wanted to get my thoughts out here first. We almost lost me in pregnancy the last time and he does not want another pregnancy going forward. He's made that very clear

Yes, I would unfortunately be sick again in pregnancy if I was to go through pregnancy again

We almost lost me in pregnancy the last time

No one can tell you what to do, but this would decide it for me. Unless there was medical help available eg would it be possible to be less severely ill since the issue is known about in advance at the start of pregnancy, and could maybe be treated more quickly or prevented from getting as bad? Could you speak to someone about the specific medical problem you had and see if that might be the case?

Obviously that may not be at all possible. But depending on the issue, could be worth discussing?

Ah op I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope your husband is supportive in this as you need him to be.

It sounds very clear cut to me - you need to prioritise your son here, he needs his mum, and you need your health. Maybe access some counselling if you are able, but it sounds like you do need this termination, I'm sorry.

Medication is available but it did not work last time. It was like taking smarties!