Does this sound like Bipolar type 2?

[Hungryandconfused]

Ex partner was diagnosed with adhd about 4 years ago. He has the impulsiveness, inattention, and hyperactivity components. We are separated over 6 years now but share dc. He was, and is, a complete fucking nightmare to deal with.

He will go through short periods of feeling invincible, on top of the world, and will be the life and soul of the party. In these periods he's great fun to be around, and seems like a regular, happy go lucky guy. People gravitate towards him and he has no problem making friends. These up periods are punctuated with horrible dark periods, where he is critical, spiteful, depressive and just plain nasty. He will will actively seek out people to pick (verbal) fights with and can create conflict from thin air. He will also become completely unreasonable, it's like all logic and reasoning flies out the window. He will also burn down his entire life and all the progress he made during the 'up' period, so quit his job, leave his accommodation, end his relationships, etc. He'll spend a few weeks/months in this misery then slowly rebuild himself, usually by latching on to a new girlfriend/friendship group and get them to help him by crying and playing the victim.

When we were together this was an absolute head fuck. It took years for me to recognise the cycles, and it had a lot in common with the cycle of violence in domestic abuse, so honeymoon period, tension, crisis, and then back to honeymoon. There are a lot of additional factors, he has an all consuming weed addiction, is incredibly manipulative, and has massive narcissistic traits. He latches on to people, shape shifts to make them like or fall in love with him, then he'll use and abuse that person before moving on to the next. He has no shame when it comes to asking for money and favours or portraying himself as a helpless victim. He's incredible insecure but also hugely arrogant and entitled.

So plenty going on there. I still have to deal with him on a regular basis so it would help to know exactly what it is I'm dealing with. He'd be open to seeking a diagnosis I think if it was bipolar, so mood stabilisers may be able to help. I know only a doctor can diagnose but I'm curious if anyone recognises the traits.

I have bipolar type 2 this isn't my symptoms, on a high I feel absolutely fantastic buzzing I feel 6,ft 4 towering over everybody the buzz I can't describe it's so good it's me against the world I and find the highs very beneficial as I can stay up for days and during that time I do proactively use it in a good way but only since my diagnosis I'm also organised chaos, before my diagnosis I tended to wreak havoc during these time especially in my home with DIY and my spending was out of control I'd decide to decorate for no reason e.g started decorating my son's bedroom 3 days before Christmas which I did manage but crashed after boxing day I cried for a week that Christmas was horrendous , I favourite thing was to start something then leave it go somewhere else and do something else then it goes on and it was buy buy buy anything and everything I still do but recognise it keep receipts and return, my lows are upset loss of control the smallest thing like being late is a mega catastrophic event, I get hysterical and I'm an emotional nightmare like no other you've seen, but before my diagnosis I obviously just sat on this emotional rollercoaster every day, it was physically exhausting then I could sleep around the clock to be honest I know we are all different but borderline personality disorder comet to my mind, I'm no psychiatrist but it doesn't fit with my bipolar were all different but my son's girlfriend does have borderline personality and she is what you describe I'd been interested in what his diagnosis is, as a some what you describe is my son and I have wondered if he has bipolar and other things you describe are my father's traits I have wondered if he had bipolar as well, as it's inherited , but my son's and fathers are more to your husbands traits than similar than mine Good luck

He sounds horrific irrespective of a diagnosis and I wouldn't want my children anywhere near him. How does he treat your children when he's in his abusive down period?

Does he have a court order in place? Did you ever get help from a domestic abuse organisation? I would contact Rights of Women for legal advice.

@geordie12 Thaks for replying and sharing your perspective, that's really interesting. He is emotional but not in the same way, it tends to be anger, jealousy, seething resentment and hate.

I wonder if it shows up differently for men and women like adhd? He's very lazy, so don't really recognise the sudden bursts of energy or activity. He will just be more pleasant and optimistic. I had a look at borderline personality disorder but he doesn't really fit the reckless behaviour part. He smokes weed, but doesn't drink, drive fast, no criminal behaviour (except weed) is not violent or physically aggressive. He fits narcissistic personality type perfectly, but I don't know if that causes extreme highs and lows? It's a bit of a mystery.

@candlewhickgreen No, no help at all. I had a pretty horrific childhood so didn't recognise the red flags. It's only years after we split amd going to therapy that has helped me unpick all this and see it for what it was.

He's not violent, physically aggressive or even a shouter. He lives in complete chaos so we've had issues in the past about not brushing their teeth, putting on clean clothes, etc. Nothing that could be classed as abuse or a valid reason to stop contact.

He is extremely manipulative and psychologically abusive. The kids are small now, so not really been subjected to it, yet. He knows I'm incredibly protective of them and would haul his arse into court the minute he stepped out of line.

Personality disorders tend to stem from neurodivergence - trauma, unmet needs and the like.

I'm sorry to hear about your background. It's very difficult to spot unhealthy behaviour when you're from a dysfunctional background but am glad to hear you're getting therapy.

I advise you to download and use a co parenting app then everything is saved should this go to court. It also means he can't hassle you.

I would also keep a diary of his behaviour: Date/time - incident - witnesses if any - aftermath (result of behaviour). Include neglect such as tooth brushing, lack of clean clothes or showering. This is in order to build a case should he start on the children.