Should I contact school I used to go to

[Shyfrog]

I was bullied as a child and was having a lot of issues at home. Mum would introduce me to and move in a string of boyfriends, she had mental health issues herself and I was exposed to sex and stressful adult topics at a young age. She is bipolar and would have aggressive outbursts and frighten me, and say scary things to me. I had sleep issues and anxiety and had aggressive outbursts towards myself for most of my childhood, at home privately. I couldn’t focus in school as every time I tried to read it wouldn’t go in and it was like reading a foreign language. I was diagnosed with a processing disorder later. I tried to get help myself at the end of primary but couldn’t. I now have numerous anxiety disorders, issues with memory, trauma, and physical health issues that developed from long term stress and anxiety. I have a lot of mental health support now and can’t work. I was sent into school with a hole in the sole of my shoe one day that was letting all the water in and I tried to explain to the head that it was a punishment, but they said my mum must be having financial issues. In my last year of primary school I began having behavioural issues which included talking back and being rude towards everyone and insulting them. I also started punching and attacking classmates that had wronged me in any way. A few had to go to hospital. I was spoken to by staff and teachers, was even screamed at by one for a while who got close to me. I wasn’t even listening I was just focusing something else. I couldn’t understand. I was prevented from going on a school trip and was threatened with exclusion. They also threatened to put the violent incidences on my “permanent record” so I would never get a job. This was primary 7. My attendance was low anyway because I didn’t want to go in. I diagnosed as autistic privately later that year and was pulled out of school. A number of the teachers still work there and would remember me and I am thinking about sending in a letter about what my home situation was like and how that caused me to act out in school.

I think you need to think about why you want to do this and what response you are hoping for.

@Shyfrog This fascinates me because I was thinking of doing something similar once.

Without going into all the details, my secondary school handled a very serious situation in the worst possible way and it affected me in so many negative ways and for many years. I decided not to follow it up with anything because unlike your situation, I assumed most of my old teachers were no longer there and figure that this was now probably too long ago for anyone to really learn from it/be remotely interested in my point of view.

However, if this is bothering you like it did me and you strongly disagree over their treatment towards you and you are confident that the staff in question are still there, then I absolutely would. It might help close off that difficult chapter in your life, as well as offer a different POV to the staff who may not have handled things all that well.

Sorry that you are struggling with this. School can be tough and I’d hate to go back!

But, like @Ohthatsabitshit said, before you make a decision just think what you want from this. On one hand it may help, like I said, offer some closure, on the other you may not get much of a response at all and it might be worth just processing things and learning to accept the past for what it was. I hope this has made you a stronger person now.

Sorry I’m not able to give a clear cut opinion.

I think you should consider what response you are hoping for and how you will feel if its not what you want or you don't get one at all.
Is there a chance it could make you feel worse? If so then don't do it

I don’t know. They kept telling my mum to discipline me at home. I feel like they didn’t spot the abuse. I didn’t have behavioural issues that affected anyone else until I was in primary 7 by which point it had gotten out of control. To be fair I didn’t try to speak to anyone at school as a child about the abuse, the only time I did speak to anyone it was about the hole in my shoe. There were much worse things to speak about that I never. I feel like they thought I was just being naughty or something. I’m not sure what I want from them but I want to give them the truth

This won't achieve what you hope it will, speaking from a level of experience, it wont make you feel better.