Anybody have any regrets when dumping someone?

[cats4me]

I was seeing a woman (also a woman ) a few years ago and really liked her ,seriously considering starting something serious with her.
I was told by someone she was "a bit crazy " so decided not to peruse it.
We spoke for over a year so it was hard to just ditch her and ignore her but I did it.
I had to unfollow her from everything so I wasn't tempted.

Anyway fast forward 3 years and she is now in a relationship with someone else,and has Been by the looks of it for 2 years.
They seem happy.
The woman she's with seems happy
I had a snoop and they seem to go away a lot and have a good time .
This has made me feel jealous as hell
I'm also questioning if she really was "crazy"
Or it was all said out of some weird jealousy.

I know obviously I can't go back in time
Has anyone else felt similar ?

Anybody or just me ? Ha ha

Why did you dump her based on what another person has told you?

I'm not sure why you would choose to break up with someone off the basis of a comment from someone else that they are a 'bit crazy' - wouldn't you make up your own mind? Also looking at their new life isn't healthy - as you know if it's making you jealous - and you don't know that the two of you would have had anything like the life she is carving out for herself now, you could both be together now but be utterly miserable - can't you just be happy for your ex?

Well you've learned a lesson here I think OP. Don't act on some randoms say so.

I think in a way back then I didn't want any commitment and it was a way out without feeling guilty.
If she was crazy I made the right choice
If she wasn't then I might have made a mistake

@WhatInFreshHell honestly now I don't know
I think I was looking for a reason as I wasn't sure about commitment back then
I did mess her about and then she acted a bit crazy ...then I had been told she was crazy so was a perfect excuse

Sounds like she had a lucky escape TBH

I think you did the right thing

It allowed her to find happiness

It sounds like you were looking for an excuse to dump her. Not a very nice way to treat someone. Lucky for her she's met someone nice and is happy now!

Maybe work on your attachment style. Are you an avoidant

In answer to the question, I can honestly say that I have never regretted dumping someone. My only regret was wasting years by not dumping sooner.

The thing is, what may come across as crazy to one person, is not crazy at all to another. it all depends on an individual's definition of crazy. You say you were talking for a year, did she come across crazy to you in any way in that time? The person who told you she was crazy may have just meant that she was different to themselves and not someone they would want to be with based on their character, eg. fun, outgoing, lively etc. Characteristics that you may like. So the answer is, don't listen to others, find out for yourself.

The only regrets I have were not dumping them sooner.

So you were scared of commitment, messed her around and then dumped her based on what someone else told you. It also sounds like you ghosted her from what you said about ignoring her? Now you're looking her up online and are jealous she has moved on and is happy.

Honestly, I think you need to work on yourself.

In answer to your question, no I've never regretted dumping someone because there were solid reasons for doing so each time, so I was confident that I was doing the right thing based on my own feelings.

Just because they 'look happy' and travel a lot doesn't actually mean they are happy. Equally everyone is different in every relationship and just because she's happy now, doesn't mean she would've been with you.

I have regretted splitting up with someone and still do, but it made me stay in my current relationship way longer than I should've because I didn't want to give up too soon, so I now regret trying to make something work that I should've got out of sooner.

Regret is horrible.

I've only broken up with someone based on their mistreatment of me or not feeling the spark. I wouldn't break up with someone just because of rumours or committment fears. I've been on the receiving end of this though, as well as been called crazy, as an excuse, and it's rough.

No, not really. Short term wavers maybe but no.

I don't know the nature of the conversation you had. If one of my trusted closest friends said they had serious concerns about a partner's previous actions (DV, cheating) I would find it very hard not to listen.

However if it was a bit more trivial, 'yeah, so and so says Jane is a bit of a nutter. Her ex didn't have a good word to say about her sanity levels at the end either', you may have been happier to listen for your own reasons such as not being sure about wanting a relationship.

Either way, own the decision you made at the time. If she is happy then great. Doesn't mean you two were right necessarily long term. Similarly people put their best face on SM so don't compare based on that.

Try and move on. For whatever reason, you decided to end things.

Sounds like it was her that had a lucky escape to be honest

I think you have posted about this woman before. It seems very familiar. My advice would be to stop looking at her online and focus on yourself. Meet someone else if you're ready for that and let her go. If you dumped her then there was something about the relationship that you felt wasn't right. You're just feeling regretful that she's moved on to someone else and you haven't. Personally I have never regretted dumping someone.Those who I dumped or dumped me were not right for me and it all led me to being where I am in life right now.

I was dating someone recently and ended it because I felt she wanted a lot more than I could give at the time. It was sad because I really liked her and I think it could have been something, but I just wasn't in the right place for that.

If I saw her with someone else and happy, I'd be pleased because she was lovely and deserves to be with someone who can give her what she wants/needs.

Only wanting someone when someone else has them/they're unavailable suggests an avoidant pattern. Do you know what sort of person you want? Or is what you want defined by what you can't have? I ask because I think I've become somewhat avoidant myself since divorce. I'm happy on my own but hope I'll be open to the right person, should I meet her.

No, I’ve never regretted ending a relationship. However, I only end a relationship based in my own experience and after deep reflection. I do not end a relationship over other peoples opinions or experiences.

Unless Something comes up about domestics or sexual abuse - which is a huge red flag and should absolutely be taken seriously and I would not pursue - people are going to make mistakes in life and sometimes they are going to have moments where they aren’t perfect. But hey deserve a chance to learn and grow.

Be happy for her.

If it makes you feel any better, I have a family member who was warned about seeing a potential partner for the same reason. Unfortunately, turned out to be true. They now have to deal with the all the ups and downs, and it's very wearing on my relative.

I think they think they are going to be winning some award for being the only one who managed to stick with it. Needless to say my relative is not happy, and you'd never know from all the social media posts......

The one that got away. It’s not uncommon.
Timing is everything with relationships. Yours will come.

The issue is more that you haven't moved on. Why don't you write a letter and not send it. Realistically you can't go back - it's done.

I messaged an ex after 10 years, don't know what I was looking for but I said sorry (it ended badly) for some things and hoped he was well etc. and to my surprise he also said sorry. It was very healing. Then I forgot to reply and he blocked me haha.

Past is past for a reason. Focus on making space in the present.

your behaviour sounds unhealthy. Stop looking at her socials. Work on your jealousy and attachment issues.