Crazy competitive mum getting in touch again

[Pianoprinces]

I need some advice in regards to a mum I used to be briefly friends with when both our DDs were at the same school.

Self proclaimed 'competitive' and very 'pushy', she used to approach me mostly when she had something to show off about. We had weeks of barely speaking to each other then she'll run after me during school run and start telling me about all her amazing holidays plans, how incredibly 'academic' her older daughter was (4 years older than DD) and so on. With her little DD who was in my DDs class she used to make her do some sort of 'homework' every day then show it to her teacher (Reception year). Her presence and conversations made me feel really stressed. She used to slag off other mums and not allow her DDs to play with kids who weren't 'perfect' in her eyes.

1.5 years ago, half way through Reception we moved DD to an independent school as she didn't enjoy the large class and some kids behaviour in her class (she's been hit, spat on and so on). One month before we moved, this mum approached me again like we were best friends (after a couple of weeks of barely saying hello) to tell me she's not happy with this state school and she'll be moving the older DD to an independent school and how great this school was. I told her DD was leaving in a month's time to go to this school. Her jaws dropped and she avoided me ever since. Her DD hasn't come to this new school for all this time and I was glad I'll hopefully not have to deal with her again. We bumped in the local supermarket and the local library a couple of times since then and she pretended she didn't see me.

This morning (1.5 years later) she's texting me to tell me her older DD joined my DDs school (Y5) this Sept and her little one will be joining next Sept. I feel stressed again! She's so unpleasant, can't bear the though of waiting at the school gates with her.

I haven't replied and I'm planning to ignore her message. What would you do?

(Sorry I think I just needed a rant 😪).

Just ignore the message and try to wait in your car away from the school until the last minute for pickup. If you're not in a car, just wait round a corner or a nearby street or something.

If you run into her either ignore her or act as though you're in a mad rush and have an after school activity to attend.

Just ignore her or send a thumbs up 👍 . Life is too short for interacting with people like this. They're exhausting. I guess she's insecure about something as secure people don't need to behave like that, but whatever the reason it's not pleasant engaging with her. At the school gates I would just stand away or find someone else to talk to! Or stick headphones in and put on your best resting bitch face.

I've decided to ignore her message (not like me to do that) and hope she'll never approach me again.

For all this 1.5 years I've really enjoyed having regular, non-competitive chats with other mums at the gates and b-day parties, I feel like my peace is being disturbed again.

Definitely ignore. And ignore in real life. If she says hello, fine. Don’t engage in conversation.

I'm afraid in life we all encounter people that we don't like. Don't allow yourself to get stressed by her presence - give her a wide berth as much as you can, chat with the other mums that you know and if she approaches you, make an excuse and move away.

ignore what’s that I do. I’ve been invited to a large Xmas event with about 30 school mums there are some really competitive people amongst them, I find it totally draining and can’t cope with it, like a sensory overload, so I decided to decline. I actually love the mum organising it and was sorry to turn it down but I’ll have a coffee with her.

@Pianoprinces One thing I always say to myself when I encounter someone unpleasent is "Thank goodness I don't have to BE them" You get to walk away whenever you choose. She is stuck with herself.

You get to choose how much time you spend with this lady. Limit time with her and let her wash over you.

She sounds like a knob though.

Had similar person from my past interrupt my peaceful present. Very similar scenario. I have just ignored.
We had many encounters as our children were friends, then it went sour with the parent. Very odd parent full on and very mean.
Different secondary school, I was physically so relieved they didn't join the same secondary. Then, the childarrived after a year. After we had an amazing uneventful year of growth and space.
I couldn't believe it. So far, I have ignored. Although parent has not made contact, our children have and my child has the same bad feelings unearthed from his memory.
I feel this is some sort of horrible cyclical nature of life for some reason sent to challenge us!
So far my child is doing amazingly and responding perfectly. The last year of maturing has helped.
Sorry for long winded writing, but this post brought up my own strong feelings!

She had no problem ignoring you when she found out your DD was going to the independent school. Don’t waste another second of your life worrying about doing exactly the same thing back. She’s getting in touch because you’re the only mum she knows with a child at that school and is hoping you’ll pave the way for her when her DD arrives. Block her number and ignore her the way she did to you. Hopefully she’ll get the message and go and annoy someone else.

I think that the other mum has messaged you so that she’s not billy no mates at the new school gates! I would ignore, put ear phones in, and not introduce her to your friends! Sounds awful but life’s too short to waste and deplete your energy on people who do not add value to your days

So your dd won't be in the same year as her children? If that is the case, then I'd totally ignore her. She sounds draining. Like someone else said, she had no qualms about ignoring you 1.5yrs ago.

Her younger DD will be in the same year as DD, possibly the same class 😬. That's why I got anxious, couldn't care less if she was in a different year. It's fine at the moment as her older DD has different pick up time so we haven't bumped into each other yet.

Yes, I suspect she'd have wanted to meet up next.

Sorry to read your experience. I am dreading this... like you said sometimes life sends us certain people to challenge us.

Pity her. She's so desperate.
Pity he child being constantly pushed and pressured
Be grateful your child and you have a very different and much better relationship.

Then stop giving this woman headspace. Dont give a hoot about the opinion of people you dont like.

I'd shut down every point scoring conversation with " I'm only interested in supporting my child. I'd NEVER compare her progress against other peers. That's just cruel"
And say the last bit really loudly every time she starts.

Personally I wouldn’t be able to resist and send a message

‘really sorry hope I don’t come across as rude but who is this as I haven’t your number saved’

and hope she gets the message xx

I don’t understand these kind of posts. Genuinely. What stops you ignoring a person who is plainly a user and a bit desperate?

Hello, this is a message from EE, unfortunately this number no longer exists on our network