What are your visiting boyfriend (DC) ground rules?

[Redragonoteal]

DD's "boyfriend" is coming over this afternoon. This is a whole new territory for me! She is 12, he is 13, they've known each other from a sports club for 2 years. I wasn't allowed a boyfriend until I left school so I've no frame of reference and have no idea if I need to set ground rules. Would you let them go into her bedroom? We live in a 4-room flat, 3 bedrooms and one large open plan room with everything else in.
Do you just treat it as a "play date" or.....help! I don't think it's "serious" as such, more partner up in the club for practice and chat over what's app. She's not been round to his house yet.

For me, at that age, I'd say they stay in the main living area.

Those ages!!!

No, no bedroom at all

Not because i’d think anything would happen, but because i even though my 12 year DD may think that she wants a 13 year old boy in her bedroom, she doesn’t really want him to be there, and i doubt he really wants to either

At that age in the main living space. They are very young. However you need to have a chat about sex, consent and being safe. It is probably very innocent but still needs speaking about.

We lived in a flat when my kids were that age, l allowed in the bedroom with door open as l could basically see the bedroom from kitchen. It's a bit different from them being upstairs l think.

I know!!! Since they went back to school this year the topic of playground conversation been a constant "who fancies who". When her friends found out she knows him (totally different classes in school) and his friends found out and started teasing him about liking her... It seems his friends didn't believe him, so walked him over to her as they came out of school one day and introduced themselves to her, so now they are "together".

See, my instinct is to say no bedroom. But I wanted to check if I was being too uptight. I also don't know if she really wants him in there or if she thinks she should. She is however currently tidying up her room, so I'll give it an hour or so before I discuss it with her!
Officially he is coming over to practice sport.... I can always send them for a walk to the shop to buy a snack and there's gaming in reserve.

Have you had the sex talk? I am sure she's had the school sex talk, but from you?

You could always say they can go to her room but must keep the door wide open. On the positive side - she's tidying her room up!!

I would say main living area and you can judge if you feel differently once you know him a bit better (still with door open of course)

Definitely use it as a chance to have another talk about sex and consent and all of that stuff too

We have a no guests in bedrooms rule. Mainly because ds2 has autism and needs a safe space to retreat to when there are visitors. Also we live in a vicarage so there are always people coming in and out so we wanted to make the upstairs part our sanctuary. But hopefully it will work well when the dc want to have boyfriends/girlfriends round too, although they haven't yet. So far ds3 (aged 13) is the only one to have had a girlfriend and they didn't get as far as meeting parents.

it surely would not have mattered if some anonymous posters told you that you were being “uptight”

Your daughter, Your home