I have some concerns about my 12 year old DD and possible ADHD but not sure if the picture necessarily fits this diagnosis, so looking for opinions of those with more experience.
When she was younger I never would have had any concerns, she was one of the top of her class academically, very sociable - feedback from her teachers was always that she performed all tasks to a very high level, academics came natural to her, somewhat of a perfectionist at times, always contributes very well in class, a friend to everyone and mixes well. Very happy-go-lucky child.
I started to develop concerns from age 9/10, she started to become moody and some low mood, could be a bit anxious too but I put some of it down to hormones and beginning to become more aware of what others think etc. From age 10 she started to slip academically, really struggled with maths and required significant support. Then age 11 her best friend left the school and she completely lost interest in mixing with anyone, was pining for her friend and often refusing to go to school. Teacher reassured us that she was fine in school, enjoying herself and mixing well. Over this year her struggles with maths worsened and then began struggling with English too. Qualified for learning support in maths for this school year. Teachers felt it was a confidence issue and said it is unusual to go from no issues to struggling to the point of needing learning support.
Around this time from age 9/10 onwards we also began to have concerns about complete lack of focus and in hindsight wondering did it just become more apparent around this age as prior to this we would have done a huge amount of stuff for her but she was becoming more independent at this age. Things like managing to get herself ready on time, being organised e.g. having her bag packed with what she needs, day dreaming, wandering off upstairs to get something and coming back without it having forgot why she went upstairs, losing things, easily distracted etc. Seeming to struggle with processing any requests/directions with 2 or more steps. What appear to be careless mistakes in homework, not reading the question properly, misspelling words she definitely knows, getting basic maths e.g 3x8 but would usually know the answer if you asked. Prior to this age she was very conscientious and work always completed to a very high standard. It often still is but only in the things that interest her more.
Also seems the last few years to really struggle with change e.g. new teacher, friend leaving school, moving groups in sports team etc. Can be extremely emotional to the point of panic and nearly hyperventilating often catastrophising things in reaction to seemingly small issues eg trying to eat with a lose tooth. These issues are only things we would see at home, would never happen in other environments.
So I do feel she meets the inattentive part of ADHD, would never have said there have ever been signs of the hyperactive part, she was always very placid and cooperative when younger. She can be a bit fidgety but I'm not sure if this is really anything outside the norm, generally she can sit still for periods when she needs to.
None of her teachers have ever raised any of these concerns (bar the academic issues) so not sure are we overthinking things. Also important to note that the peak covid years for her would have been age 7-9 so I do wonder did that impact things as these things really began to become apparent in the years following e.g. 2022 onwards.
I don't really know where to begin with possibly starting the ball on an assessment so firstly just wanted to sound out if from the above there would be reasonable grounds for concern? I do feel like wider family would look at us like we have 3 heads if we mentioned ADHD but they don't see all the above. And I know there can be that stereotype of ADHD as being hyperactive boys who can't behave however I know it can present very differently in girls and often go under the radar.
Sorry I realise this is very long, thanks if you've got this far!