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How do I support my husband who was abused as a child?

4 replies

Ibloodylovetea · 01/10/2024 17:18

My husband was chorister in a cathedral choir in the 1960's. He's recently disclosed to me that he was abused by the headmaster. This all came out at a recent reunion were we discovered that the perpetrator had been exposed by the parish that he was moved on to after the Cathedral authorities discovered his abuse. Yes - they just moved him on so that he could continue abusing (!) However, at that reunion a couple of weeks ago, the Cathedral authorities had a safeguarding officer available to talk to those who had suffered. My DH has since told me that he spoke to her' & has been offered counselling which is good & I am encouraging him to take up. It's since transpired that my DH reported this 20 years ago-spoke to an official from the Cathedral, asked to remain anonymous, but asked them to inform the police - apparently he is recorded as 'Angulation Y'. But they didn't. Now my DH is angry & has gone to the Press with 3 motivations: 1/ to tell his story, 2/ to let others know they aren't alone & help available & 3/ to make sure it never happens again. I've made it clear that I'm by his side & support him in whatever he wants to do. But I would appreciate some input from others in how I can help him. He's got a difficult call to make this evening to tell his daughter - who, no doubt will tell her brothers & that will explain why he was such a strict father. advise please as I feel out of my depth.

OP posts:
Differentstarts · 01/10/2024 17:34

Just be their support him and follow his lead. Don't push him into anything he's not ready for. The thing with child abuse is you lose all control you have someone making you do stuff so it's so important that he is now able to be in control of the situation and can choose what he wants to do about it and when.

Baital · 01/10/2024 17:38

If it was either Church of England/wales or Catholic church in England or Wales he could contact Safe Spaces 0300 303 1056. It is run by independent providers (First Light) and will provide support, advocacy, and information about the options available.

Hoogieflip · 01/10/2024 17:49

There are support groups for survivors of such abuse - it might be worth contracting them to ask if they also support spouses. Or/and it might be worth Googling for support groups, e.g."support for partner of church child sex abuse".
Good luck, OP

Ibloodylovetea · 01/10/2024 20:34

Thank you all- I'm a civil servant, and have taken advise from the employee advisory service who have confirmed my instinct to take the led from him.

OP posts:
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