Nocturnal neurodivergent DS15 refusing school

[Ridiculousradish]

I'm really struggling with my DS14. He's become nocturnal, completely unable to get up in the morn. He hasn't done a full day at school since he started y10 early September. He's really struggling with overwhelm. We're awaiting Autism and ADHD diagnosis. SENCO has put lots of things in place, but I can't actually get him into school. I'm at a total loss as to what to do.

No screens in room at night, seems to make no difference. Tried Melatonin short term but makes him groggy in the morn. He takes Vitamin D and Magnesium. Blood tests show no physical issues.

Actually he hasn't done a full day at school since about halfway through y9. He just doesn't care about anything.

Is homeschooling an option?

There's a possibility that if he's diagnosed with ADHD, then medication might help.

How far along are you with the process? My DD had Autism and we are mid ADHD Assessment. She struggles with sleep too, and I'm fully expecting everything to go totally pear shaped soon. (It's been a struggle for years, but she's going in)

I think it might have to be. I'm not sure I can get him to be motivated to do anything right now though. However he's definitely more likely to do something at home than at school..I feel like we're just wasting time and he's struggling with the expectations.

We're not very far along unfortunately due to a number of issues including a crappy SENCO last year.
Sorry to hear things are a struggle for you too.

DS was fine in Primary, although massively masking now I look back at it. Things started to go a bit wrong at the end of Year 8, then the real issues started in Year 9. Very low attendance, school were no help.

Sleep has always been an issue but now he seems physically unable to get out of bed. It sounds ridiculous doesn't it? The school look at me like I'm a lazy parent who can't be arsed, couldn't be further from the truth.

I think home schooling is the next step.
Not sure how I'd actually put it into practice though as I have to work.

We went to see the GP and got referred to a provider via Right to Choose. The process is taking months rather than years.(it is a service offered in England to try and get waiting lists down) CAMHS and school have been largely crap.

Oh I haven't heard of that, thank you! I shall investigate. An ADHD assessment was started, then I was told by CAMHS that that was no longer valid and we had to start this new pathway. SENCO chasing it up.

It's all very confusing.and frustrating.

Have been to the GP numerous times and they just apologise for the lack of resources. Have been referred to CAMHS who are nice but haven't helped. Feel like I have exhausted every opportunity. Unsure of what to do next.

I worry that if I take him out fo school he will miss opportunities, but he's not going anyway!

@Ridiculousradish ....I was once where you are now .
You have my sympathy....my heart is going out to you.

Can I message you privately?

Yes please do!

Do you think he might be depressed? Caamhs are widely regarded as useless, but in some areas there are charity run alternatives such as Nest, Young Minds?

If he's into gaming, Spectrum Gaming website could be worth a look?

Google EBSA advice schools too.

And Delayed Sleep Onset Disorder. Can GP refer to a sleep clinic?

If you do decide ADHD meds are what he needs, the parents' guide by Peter Hill is very useful.

www.amazon.co.uk/Parents-Guide-ADHD-Medicines/dp/1787755681

Thank you so much for the handy info. I'll check out all of those.

Yes he probably is depressed. He's happy when he's with his friends and listening to music, but otherwise he's weepy and defensive.

Thanks for the replies, I really do appreciate it.

CAMHS are not 'useless' but low mood and EBSA are notoriously hard to treat.

Neither schools nor CAMHS have the resource to treat this, and when ND is in the mix often usual support strategies just don't work.

If melatonin isn’t helping, there are other medications DS could try. Often the next one tried is Promethazine. You could also ask the GP for a referral to a sleep clinic.

What are DS’s interests?

Personally, I wouldn’t deregister. Parents often find it easier, although not easy, to get support when DC remain in the system. That does not mean DS has to attend school if it is too overwhelming. If DS can’t attend school full time the LA has a duty to ensure he still receives a suitable full-time education. Whereas, if you deregister and EHE the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements, thereby relieving them of their duty to provide this provision. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use to request this provision.

Alongside this, request an EHCNA. The advantage of an EHCP is it can provide therapies DC wouldn’t otherwise get, more frequently and without the need to sit on the normal waiting lists. IPSEA also has a model letter for this.

I have significant experience regarding this, my child is exactly the same completely nocturnal. Do not deregister from school. Once a student has missed 15 days of education (doesn't need to be consecutive), the local authority are legally obliged to provide EOTAS (education other than at school). This can be private tutors at home, online learning, whatever works for you. My child really wants to be at school, but due to sleep pattern rarely makes it in. We've got diagnosis, tried various medications, weighted blankets, white noise, alternative therapies, magnesium, you name it nothing works. GP/Paediatrician and CAMHS all at a loss. My child will often force themselves to stay awake when they'd normally sleep and get into school, but being awake 36+ hrs is really tough, not conducive for good learning and often makes them poorly where their body is physically exhausted. You have my sympathy.

The 15 days don’t need to have already been missed. Provision should begin as soon as it becomes clear 15 days will be missed and at the latest by the sixth day of absence.

Oh really? No provision has been made and his attendance during year 9 was well below 50%. It's currently at less than 20%. I had to fight for meetings last year with the school to discuss attendance. I was told that I shouldn't let him out to see his friends til he attended school (not going to isolate him further), and that teachers weren't trained counsellors.

You will need to push for provision, I’m afraid. Use IPSEA’s model letter.

Thank you

SEND family instinct was a valuable resource and support to me, there's a small monthly fee but they are a wealth of professional knowledge. In the interim, BBC bitesize learning online is easily accessible and actually really good, I'd recommend if your son is interested.

Even if CAHMS were the best service in the world, it's so hard to get to see them they only see the most unwell DC. When barriers to access are that high it's essentially a useless service (except for a very few perhaps).

Anyway OP, hopefully one of the suggestions gets you a way forward.

Hello, I unfortunately have significant experience of this with my 14 year old too.

A fantastic resource is the Not Fine in School: Family Support for School Attendance Difficulties Facebook group- please do join. Thousands of us in the same boat.