Struggling mum

[Dinkydos]

My 2 dc are due home later. It’s my scheduled day to have them(50/50 with their dad).
last week I was having a bad time with my MH(gp started me on new medication) and their dad kept them for my days which I’m very grateful for. I haven’t seen them in almost a week which I hate myself for.
im due to collect them from school today and my anxiety is just awful at the thought of this. So much so, I woke in the night sweating, nauseous and shaking. I really want to text their dad and ask him to have them again, but I know he’d(rightly) be angry at this. It’s not helping that I’ve got a cold coming on too.
how do I deal with all of this?

Just bite the bullet OP and pick your children up from school, I’m sure once you’ve picked them up you all will be glad you did and your anxiety will ease. MH is so tough but I think if you power your way through today it will be easier, if not each time it happens it won’t get any better just worse then there is a barrier there. I’m sure your children will be so happy to see you and you them x

They fight and argue from the moment they are together in the car. It’s awful and I struggle to cope with this. This is one of the main sources of my anxiety

Could you take them to an activity after school if upto it then? Keep them occupied? Turn upto school with sweets to keep them distracted for 5mins? Put one in the front seat and one in the back- you decide which one goes where and tell them where they are sitting to avoid arguments, I know it can be tough but avoiding the problem isn’t going to help you, maybe take another adult to help you while you feel like this?

I don’t have anyone else who can help me. I’ve done the sweets, the activities. As soon as the excitement fades, we’re back to square one. It’s a vicious circle.