Am I wrong for this?

[ooooliv]

I have 2 kids, DS 2 y 10 m, DD 10m

its been tough. Youngest was unplanned so I feel like mentally adjusting to another baby when I wanted to wait was hard. I knew it’d be so difficult the age gap and spent my pregnancy just feeling so scared

and it has been so hard. I’ve been depressed but it’s better now and I’m going back to work soon so some routine should help. Anyway

youngest is very very attached to me, of course. She’s a baby. Always been this way though. My DS was a more confident baby so I could get the odd bit of rest as he’d go to grandparents and settled well at nursery.

I’ve felt so guilty because this 10 months I’ve barely got any 1 to 1 time with my eldest. Youngest always wants to be near/on me. Not the best sleeper or napper so she is always with us and while it’s beautiful to watch their bond grow it’s been hard adjusting to 2 my guilt is through the roof

i said about when my youngest is ready to stay at her grandparents (my parents) aka when she’s settled and not crying when I’m not in the room, I’d love the 1-2-1 time with my eldest

my sister said I’m being mean he had me for 2 years and I’m being mean about my youngest

am I being horrible? I’m just so worn down and I feel bad for wanting this but I didn’t think it was bad to think

Wrong to think this* really. I haven’t done anything just expressed a thought

No, you are not horrible. You're just trying to work out how to parent two kids as individuals. That's a good thing. You sound like a very caring mother.

My first two had the first age gap as you. I found I could hold my baby while she slept and spend what was effectively 1-on-1 time with the older one at the same time. Your children will be absolutely fine and you will work it out. It does get easier as they get older too.

Thanks I’m just constantly wracked with guilt. My youngest won’t go to anyone else so it’s so hard when she needs changing / feeding and rocking to sleep etc. playing is easier now she’s mobile and it’s gotten easier as she’s gotten more interactive as older etc

But yeah I just felt a bit hurt that it’s being painted that I’m mean for wanting to go on even a costa hot chocolate date with my eldest just me and him! Something little and special.

Why can’t you spend time with your eldest when the baby naps?

She cat naps and any time she’s had a good nap I do

she naps better in a pram so we go to the park and have been to play places, etc

i just mean like 1-2-1 with him. As I say she doesn’t nap well , doesn’t like her pram she just likes to be held by me or right next to me

its. a bit better now she plays with baby toys as she’s older so I can set her up with stuff then do an activity with my eldest etc but I meant a time where it’s fully 1-2-1 and I don’t have to worry about hearing a cry or juggling 2

if that makes sense?

It sounds like you are having 1-2-1 time with your eldest then and, at 10 months, it’s really worth trying to put the baby down in their room for day time naps now.

It sounds like you have slightly unrealistic expectations of having 2 kids.

Leave the baby with their dad and take your 2yr old out for the day? He'll cope, nothing bad will happen.

I used to do this with mine roughly once a month we'd do a fun activity that the baby didn't tag along for, swimming, museum, cafe, anything really!

You're not a bad mum but the bay doesn't need to rule your life either, they can go to other people for a while and it won't harm them.

My youngest screams if I’m not around

it’d be nice to go out just me and him

i do pop her down for naps but she wakes quick I don’t hold her for naps

You're doing & wishing nothing wrong💐

all of mine only slept while on me so I read to the older one(s) while smallest slept or smallest was in a sling leaving my hands free to hold hands on walks /museums/castles etc my older ones always liked to be told stories & see pictures of how they had been on my lap/in the sling etc when they were babies too