Are there charities that offer free counselling?

[pointlesswishingmylifeaway]

I'm at my wits end. Often fantasising about running away from home or no longer being around so I don't have to deal with the constant disappointment and burden I am on my family.

My husband is a very active and hands on father, it he's also verbally and emotionally abusive towards me (and my eldest) and very passive aggressive.

He's an only child to a single mother and half the time will treat her like a saint and the other half he'll treat her like shit.
Often losing his temper and raising his voice, yelling and verbally putting her down, calling her stupid, incompetent, complaining about her, etc straight to her face and in front of the children.

He does similar to me, putting me down in front of the kids (nothing as bluntly as calling me stupid (at least not in front of the children), but little jabs like putting me down for things wearing earplugs when I'm overwhelmed with noise (I'm diagnosed with ADHD, undiagnosed Asperger's, and perimenopausal on top), putting me down for forgetting something, etc. Tbh I can't even think of all the examples at the moment. Im a bit overwhelmed 😔

My husband was frustrated with my son this evening (son most likely also has ADHD & ASD) for repeatedly having to be told something and not doing it, so husband yelled at him and said "Is there something wrong with your brain and your memory?"

I gave my husband a disapproving look because if I try and verbally say anything in situations like these he'll launch into a verbal attack on me putting me down in front of the children. The 'look' didn't do me any favours because he got mad and started putting me down and got angry and went into full pouty toddler mode saying he can't say anything without being criticised so he won't say anything at all. He also got angry with my son and picked up his glasses and case and threw them on the floor in a rage.

He sets an awful example for my children. And unfortunately this has now rubbed of on my 13yr son. When I try and speak up and discipline my son he (my son) gives me attitude and puts me down.

When I spoke up this evening to my son he said to me with his regular 'I don't give a crap, you don't matter' tone and attitude and said: "mum, stop! You're not a part of this. No one likes you. Go away"

I almost burst into tears. I say almost because sadly I get this attitude from both him and my husband that nothing surprises me or hurts too much anymore. I'm numb to it now. I was already tired, so I just got up and left the room and told them I was going to bed.

As I was walking away my son half heartedly apologised and said it was a joke. But he literally cannot grasp what a joke is and isn't, so always says hurtful dumb things about situations or other people and then says it's a joke.

I'm so sick of living in a dysfunctional family and would really like to speak to a councillor about my situation and how to approach it / react / deal with it and then ideally be able to build up the self confidence and courage to ask my husband to also come so he can get help for his issues.

My main issue is that I can't really afford the ongoing costs of therapy. I don't have a lot of disposable income so could really only afford 1 session a month. I had a look at the prices of my local Relate family counselling services and they're £75 an hour for a single person.

I'm not sure what my other options are. Scan anyone tell me if there is a free counselling service I could use? I'm in Surrey if that makes a difference

Have a look at this pointlesswishingmylifeaway.
Im sorry you’re going through this .
Your husband sounds like my ex ie a twat!
My eldest sometimes speaks to me like a dog but it’s only from what he has picked up from
his dad .
Im here if you need to chat xx

Thank you @Isittoolatea

Do they offer a reoccurring service with the same therapist?

I feel like my issues will take months and months to address.

I'm sorry to hear you were also in a similar situation, but pleased you no longer have to deal with that. Unfortunately I'm not in the financial position to be able to leave mine.

I can only tell you about my experience with the nhs .
I see a councillor on a weekly basis through nhs because I suffer with anxiety and depression and she is absolutely amazing .
If you are really struggling then I suggest speaking to the crisis team , or you can speak to your gp and asked to be referred for talking therapies . I’m pretty sure you would be working with just one therapist .
I’ve been working through my issues for over 18 months , unfortunately there is no quick fix when it comes to this . I have good days and bad days .
Im also not in financial position to leave as it’s my exs home so I may very well soon be homeless but as I have children I know the council will help me find somewhere else to live .

Google in your area for domestic violence support - they often do free counselling. They will not pressure you to leave if you are not ready, though they will support you to if you would like to.

Be careful as sometimes emotionally abusive/controlling men will look at your internet history.

NHS talking therapies. You speak to the same councillor usually for 10 sessions. Long waiting lists but they do prioritise based on need. (Pregnant women are high up that list). I started CBT and they quickly identified I was in a DV situation and gave me all the support to move out and restart my life somewhere else. They were absolutely amazing.we did very little therapy on the end as my mental health was being affected by DV. Definitely apply for TT, speak to your GP, citizens advice for signposting. Reach out to DV charities. There is so much support put there, you just need to be brave enough to ask for help. Good luck and all the best x

Speak to women's aid.

This doesn't sound like you need therapy more like your mental health is being impacted by your husbands abuse.

RCPS (richmond-counselling-psychotherapy.com)

I don't know if you live in this area but they offer counselling from £20 a session. It's with trainees but they're usually people who've had experience and are on high level courses. They also have excellent supervision.

Maybe worth googling low cost counselling services in your area if Richmond is too far away.

Many counsellors also offer a limited number of concessionary places. I'd look at Counselling Directory, Psychology Today and BACP website for anyone local to you who could offer cheap counselling.

Another thing is that if you could rustle up the money for, say, five weekly sessions you could then go fortnightly which would be more affordable.

Meanwhile do the Freedom Programme which tells you about recognising and dealing with abusive relationships and is free.

Keep up your own parenting standards with your DS too OP.

I had a very aggressive/abusive parent and my other parent was normal. In later life I was so grateful for my normal parent who set me the example to follow. I dread to think of where I would be if they had both been awful.

Also, don't underestimate the effect of living with abuse on your mental health. Until I left my awful ex I was sure I had depression. Then, quelle suprise almost from the day after I left I suddenly felt a million times better. Confidence/self-esteem has taken years to improve but I'm working on it.