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Original poster

Teach me how to play

35 replies

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:04

Please answer me honestly, how much time do you spend playing with your dc? I'm off 2-3 days a week and all weekend. Youngest is dd 7. She is home at 3.15 from school. 2 activities afterschool on 2 different days, but just for an hour. I live in fear of hearing the words "mummy will you play with me?" It makes me feel like the worst mum because my stomach sinks and I hate it. But I don't want to be like this.

I have absolutely zero memories of my dm playing with me. I don't know if it matters but I am autistic. I never really played growing up. My head was literally always in a book or I just spent time alone because I really love the quite or I just went for walks in my head to random places. I think I'm maybe just not a fun person. I have such an imagination in my own head but just get so stuck at play

I plan lots of craft stuff and I've got jigsaws down, I think because these are 'quite' type things. I want her to remember me as the mum who always played with her. Of my 4-5 days at home, we maybe only 'play' one one or two. I don't think this is enough and I want to do more. I want to be the fun mum and make her laugh and be happy. She adores me and is literally my shadow. I just want her to have good, simple memories of us together.

Please would anyone have any tips or ideas on how I can learn how to play and hopefully learn to enjoy it to?

OP posts:

crumblingschools · 27/09/2024 22:05

Does she say what she wants to play?

Elisheva · 27/09/2024 22:06

How do you feel about board games?

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:08

She always wants to play, but I have noticed she doesn't ask as much and I think it's because she knows I will try and make up some excuse or distract her with something.

She is OK with board games, but it is her dolls she really loves. Barbie dolls, polly pockets, lol, baby dolls etc

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Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:15

I'm not good at roleplay so we played board games. I used to keep travel size quick games like Connect 4, Guess Who, Battleships in the kitchen to grab and play.

We also learnt lots of card games, I bought a set from Amazon / Etsy that had 2x sets of playing cards, card game book, and 4 wooden stands so little ones with small hands could put their cards into it instead of struggling.

Otherwise we played lots of paper games like squares or hang man.

Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:16

What if you read a story and she acted it out with the dolls? ' the dolls could put on a play of Little Red riding hood or the three little pigs etc.

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:18

@Singleandproud Role play, that is exactly what I struggle with. It's like my mind goes blank and no words come out. I asked her for a script before and she thought I'd lost the plot! My dh is amazing at it. Full on returning characters, plots, accents etc. The laughter from her room when they play together, I want to make her do that! Unfortunately he's not here very much at the moment.

Maybe having a box of those type of stuff you mentioned would be good to have.

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SunsetSkylane · 27/09/2024 22:19

Just each get a doll and let her lead; it'll be all very 'mummy I go here and then you say this and then I'll go to the stables and then and then' but that's fine, just go with the flow and if it's silly just let yourself be silly for a bit.

20 minutes of gritting your teeth and then you can steer her to drawing or crafts or whatever.

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:20

@SunsetSkylane how often do you think I should be playing with her? Should it be an everyday thing?

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Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:23

Ofcourse it should be an everyday thing. I used to aim for multiple pockets of 10 minutes undivided attention throughout the day.

One pocket might be Guess Who, one might be a tea party with a couple of actual biscuits and real tea for me, one might be sat reading together, one might be her making/playing with salt dough and then me carrying on with dinner prep.

Catcatkitten · 27/09/2024 22:24

When I'm playing dolls with my DDs I incorporate scenes from shows I've been watching lately or books I'm reading. They don't know I'm doing it but it makes it slightly more bearable. Maybe doesn't work if you only watch true crime though...

justjuggling · 27/09/2024 22:26

I wasn’t great at the role play stuff either. So we did lots of jigsaws (still do!), board games, baking, arty crafty stuff, would go for a walk or to the park etc. I think it’s more about spending time together than specific games maybe.

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:27

@Catcatkitten that is such a good idea. I have genuinely thought it would be easier if I had a type of script to follow and that would work!

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Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:29

I love the thoughts of pockets of play! And actually im feeling a bit better because i think i was viewing play as specifically on the floor of her room, dolls out but the other stuff I do clearly counts too.

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PurpleThistle7 · 27/09/2024 22:30

I was pretty bad at the role play stuff too but activities were much easier for me. So art or baking or Lego sorts of things. My husband is definitely better at the sillier playing.

I did better with a costume honesty so we had a big box of hair accessories and wigs and that would help both amuse her dressing me up and then help me pick a character. 10-15 minutes and I was done but I was always glad I'd taken the time.

SunsetSkylane · 27/09/2024 22:31

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:20

@SunsetSkylane how often do you think I should be playing with her? Should it be an everyday thing?

If you can, genuinely think 20 minutes a day is ok, and if you're not ready to knock yourself on the head with a bat, just let her show you what she wants from you. It's nice to just hang out sometimes.

ALunchbox · 27/09/2024 22:31

I'd try and suggest something I find more bearable: cycling, arts and crafts, baking a cake, etc

WispasAreNicerThanFlakes · 27/09/2024 22:32

Have you watched Bluey? I get nearly all of my play ideas from there!

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:36

@WispasAreNicerThanFlakes I was online doing some 'research' before I posted this and seen some tiktoks about Bluey. Is it sad? So many videos about adults crying over it.

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Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:37

The thing is your DH might be great at roleplay and make her giggle and thats great and really lovely.

However the other things are important too, sitting colouring together --get a roll of lining paper from B&Q tomorrow and do some big art where she drawers around herself works all of those muscles in her fingers which are important for fine motor skills and writing. Board game is important to learn rules, sequences and taking turns, draughts / chess / Othello are great for teaching strategic puzzle solving. Those things might not make her giggle but they are all valuable as long as she enjoys playing with them.

If DD likes to dress up get a good box of things together, not just costume sets but cheap tweed blazers and bowties and hats from the charity shop and get a children's playscripts books and act it out either together or you read and DD changes costume and acts

I always found if I asked DD if she wanted to play something she would say "No" but if I set it up ready, or started to play solitaire on the floor she would want to join me.

Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:39

I believe Bluey makes adults emotional because it resonates with them. The message the parent gets and the one the child gets are quite different - both lovely but for instance there is an aunt dog that can't have pups. Admittedly DD is a teen and I've not watched it but that's the takeaway from my colleagues with little children.

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:41

Actually dress up/ costumes is something we haven't really done at all. That might be easier as it's not 'me'

Sometimes I worry my autism is to blame and maybe I would be more fun if I didn't have it and I would hate her to grow up and think that. My older dd is also autistic and we would sit for over an hour sometimes in complete silence and she would just love it. Just daydreaming and playing in our head. So trying to be so different to this is a bit of a struggle but I will definitely 'fake it till I make it' I won't be beaten. I will be the fun mum if it kills me 😆

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Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:43

I usually watch an episode of Big Bang before I go to bed, I think I'll switch it up for Bluey for research purposes

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Singleandproud · 27/09/2024 22:44

Your autism is likely to make things trickier but also many autistic people enjoy drama because it isn't 'them'. Fortunately my DD is also autistic although I didn't know it back then and her roleplay was always recreating a story she had read or show she had seen. But I think lots of people struggle with that kind of thing with and without autism. I find it very hard to let go and be silly, equally you would never find me doing karaoke either.

But also don't do things you aren't comfortable with, you can be fun in your own way and teach your DD other valuable skills.

Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:44

@singleandproud so many good ideas there, thank you

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Original poster

ImAnAutum · 27/09/2024 22:47

you can be fun in your own way and teach your DD other valuable skills

Thank you so much for that. I didn't realise how much I needed to hear that until just now.

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