Power of Attorney No Children

[CarlaH]

My partner and I are of a certain age and know we need to get on and sort out POA's both financial and health.

However given that we are pretty much the same age at some point there will only be one of us left and somebody else having POA's would be useful.

Question is who to ask given that it is quite a responsibility. We have no children and our siblings are similar in age to ourselves.

What have other people in this circumstance done please?

At the moment, we have DH's younger brother and a friend. As we get older, we will look at nieces and nephews and possibly one DSD (the other one would switch my life support off without a second thought! 😂) I am POA for friends who are 15 years older but have complex family issues.

Younger friend?
Niece/nephews?

Who are your choices?

I have wondered about nieces and nephews but it seems a lot of responsibility to ask of them. They work hard and don't have much spare time. None of them live anywhere near us and although we get on well enough on the rare times we see them we aren't particularly close. Indeed we haven't seen one of our nieces since before covid.

No young friends at all and again it seems a lot to ask.

I am stumped really particularly when you see so many comments on here about how children shouldn't bother helping their aging parents when they are so busy with their own family lives.

I think you need to appoint a solicitor, it is very easy.

Solicitors tend not to do health and welfare, they'll do property and finance if there's enough in the estate to cover their fees though

We need to redo our wills as well so can talk to a solicitor. I agree that they wouldn't take on the health one only the financial.

Mind you we have to find one first as the solicitor we used for conveyancing has long retired. Nobody we have asked so far has been prepared to recommend theirs which is a bit of an issue. It's all such a headache that we have been putting it off for years.

To those considering asking nieces and nephews please dont be offended if they say no. Its a huge responsibility and they presumably already bear the responsibility of this sort of thing for their own parents.
I feel really sorry for anyone in this difficult position especially those who would have liked children of their own, its heartbreaking.
I also wish people could read this who say things like 'i dont see any point in having children', not because childrens only purpose is to care for elderly relatives, but because suddenly close family relationships do become important in later life.
Its a difficult situation which will become increasingly more common as more people are chosing to be child free.

You can appoint a professional if you have no one else - a solicitor or accountant. They will charge for time spent on dealing with your affairs though. My firm is happy to act on HW LPAs too; I know some won’t do it as it’s much more personal than financial stuff.

Or being ruthless, who would inherit?

The nieces and nephews will no doubt get what's left after we have paid for healthcare and social care which it's probable we will need. There are several of them though so it won't be much each and it doesn't seem fare to lumber one of them with the job when the others will get the money without any effort.

I imagine the simple answer is that most people without a suitable DC or younger sibling to have POA for them simply don't have anyone doing it and if necessary social services steps in and decides the care part, doctors decide the medical part and the person concerned continues to make their own financial decisions for better or worse. None of my grandparents had a POA set up, not for each other or their DC or anything. I'd say that's the norm TBH.
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If you have someone supporting you, officially or unofficially, you can set up with this or that organisation that this person can speak to them on your behalf, you just sign a letter to say so and send it to the company, it's not as if you can't have help from anywhere if you don't have POA. If you're not even capable of reading a pre written letter and signing your name for someone to post it off, I imagine you'll also be having social services involvement and will probably be in a care home so you won't have much to worry about in terms of practicalities and the daily running of household/life.
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I can't imagine nieces or nephews you only see at weddings and funerals are going to be interested in taking the responsibility on.
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Lots of people don't have DC, not always through choice. Lots will have feckless irresponsible DC who are a waste of space. Lots are estranged from family because they're toxic or are the toxic one themselves so their DC and others are NC. Lots finds it hard to make friends. Lots of disabled or mentally ill are isolated largely at home and unable to live a normal life so people don't form close friendships with them even if they do get out and about to meet people. Lots with severe LD will have nobody once their parents go if there's no other willing family members and their other friends possibly also with LD being unsuitable for the responsibility of POA. It's really a myth that everyone has someone. Plenty has no close relationship at all and it's not through choice or lack of effort.

You don't have to leave your money equally. They don't have rights to inherit just because they're family. If one of them agrees to be POA you can choose to leave it all, or majority, to them.

What a ridiculous thing to think, never mind say.

And will cost you a fortune if they end up having to actually act as POA

Who do you trust most?
Ask them if they would be POA and they get 50% of what remains. Other 50% split between others?

I have to say that I do favour one niece because she is efficient and has her head screwed on. However my OH would be very reluctant to do anything other than an equal split. Our money has come entirely from the efforts of my partner for reasons I am not prepared to go into on an internet forum but the favoured niece is from my side of the family.

I sorted this by naming a close friend as my attorney instead of a relative. I did both types—health and financial—and used a solicitor to get it right since I’d had a bad experience years ago with someone exploiting an elderly neighbour. If anyone’s concerned about financial abuse or legal issues, federal-lawyer.com/criminal-law/white-collar-crimes/brooklyn/ has some straightforward info that's worth a look.

I’d think it’s fairly usual for whoever is beneficiary of your estate to be your POA, along with spouse.
Maybe with your solicitor as joint attorney, which they will charge for, but hopefully makes sure everything is above board. I think you can have several attorneys.

DOH - just noticed this is an old thread, hopefully already sorted ages ago!

Look at doing an advanced directive for your health needs/ wishes, where you can be very specific, LPoA for health really is only as good as the person you choose, and in my experience as a HCP many people just default to their nearest and dearest who are frequently not up to the task when it actually comes to the point of making important decisions over quality vs quantity of life.

You could probably put in your wills:
If there is no need for PoA for either of you, the estate will be split equally between nieces.
If the PoA is enacted for either of you and the favoured niece administrates it as agreed, she gets 50% (or whatever figure is appropriate to compensate her for time and stress) and the rest to be split.

Your partner needs to see it as a job you are paying her for.

My niece is “back-up” on my LPA. However I asked her before having to do the job myself. I’m now going to have a discussion with her as to whether she really is ok about being on there. I now have full insight into what a lot of work and responsibility it can be especially for someone with dementia