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Original poster

I know this is done to death but...

15 replies

AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 20:14

Sorry. I know I'm boring!!
I have a 7 year old who my ex has 30 PC of the time. I'm re married and suddenly have started thinking about another child!
However I'm 38, had a placental abruption at last birth and am not the most maternal. I know there is no guarantee they'll get on but my child will have very little if any family when we go. He has no siblings and no cousins. I read on here about only kids loving their childhood but finding it really hard as an adult. If I were 5 years younger I'd just do it but I don't think I've got it in me now.

OP posts:
Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 20:40

I think I'm almost grieving what could have been.

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Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 21:20

Anyone ?

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DinaofCloud9 · 26/09/2024 21:33

You're not boring!

Does your husband want another child?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2024 21:36

Grieving what might have been is difficult but it sounds like you know you probably don’t want another baby. You don’t say what your husband thinks. Does he have children? Does he want his own if not? Being a step parent isn’t at all like being a parent. 38 isn’t too old but it would be a big age gap, 8 years minimum if you conceived straight away and the younger one could have most of their childhood practically as an only.

Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 21:36

DinaofCloud9 · 26/09/2024 21:33

You're not boring!

Does your husband want another child?

He's happy either way. He's an only child and it's never bothered him..

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Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 21:37

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/09/2024 21:36

Grieving what might have been is difficult but it sounds like you know you probably don’t want another baby. You don’t say what your husband thinks. Does he have children? Does he want his own if not? Being a step parent isn’t at all like being a parent. 38 isn’t too old but it would be a big age gap, 8 years minimum if you conceived straight away and the younger one could have most of their childhood practically as an only.

He doesn't have his own kids no. I just feel like alot of my childs toddler hood was taken by covid I think.

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1033NWCAL069 · 26/09/2024 22:03

Having another child so that your son will have more family is not a good reason to have one. It's not just a matter of whether they get along or not. You have no idea how things will turn out in their lives and all relationships go both ways, you are not just giving them someone who might provide them with support, it is also someone they might feel responsibility for, especially if you were not around.

Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 22:06

1033NWCAL069 · 26/09/2024 22:03

Having another child so that your son will have more family is not a good reason to have one. It's not just a matter of whether they get along or not. You have no idea how things will turn out in their lives and all relationships go both ways, you are not just giving them someone who might provide them with support, it is also someone they might feel responsibility for, especially if you were not around.

No kids in my family have a big gap so it's alien to me! If I was younger I'd just do it but a lot is holding me back !
Will I have another prem baby?
Would my son hate it ?
At my age can i hack it ?

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Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 22:40

I think this is a reaction to him getting older

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Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 27/09/2024 07:25

😐

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BeatrizBoniface · 27/09/2024 07:27

AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 21:36

He's happy either way. He's an only child and it's never bothered him..

Show quote history

I think that's a good point. Only children aren't necessarily worse off.
You seem to have reservations, anyway.

mindutopia · 27/09/2024 07:28

Have a child if YOU want one. I’m an only child with no extended family whatsoever. I was very happy as a child and I’m very happy as an adult. My family is a dysfunctional mess. 😂 I can’t imagine how much worse it would be if I had a sibling. My family is one I’ve created and I have absolutely no regrets about that. That said, I have 2 children, including one at 37, and that was the right choice for me. There’s 5 years between mine. I think a bigger age gap is definitely better.

BeatrizBoniface · 27/09/2024 07:29

AntoniaMcMac · 26/09/2024 21:37

He doesn't have his own kids no. I just feel like alot of my childs toddler hood was taken by covid I think.

Show quote history

You understandably have regrets about that, However you can't replace one child's experiences by having another child. I'm sure that you wouldn't intentionally, but is this at the root of it?

Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 27/09/2024 09:16

I just wish I was a more positve person

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Original poster
AntoniaMcMac · 28/09/2024 22:32

Ive had a word with myself. I reminded myself when I thought I wouldn't have a child due to fertility issues. I reminded myself of the prem birth and the terror of it all. Having to do 3 years of almost exclusive single parenting during covid.
I have a huge fear of anything happening to ds so at least I only have 1 to worry about. Think 1 and done is for me.

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