How to learn to give zero fucks

[Wanttogivezerofs]

Or just not to let insignificant things bother me. Have nc for this.

have had a few years of absolute shit and survived. I want to be grateful and not swear the small stuff or just let things go that really aren’t worth it.

two examples. Have a new job that I love. A dick head started same time as me in a peer position. Talks down to me and abundantly clear he is all hot air an no substance. How do I let him dig his own holes and not take credit for me, whilst at the same time not caring he is an arsehole. I want this job to be long term for me, not to come home and wake up in night thinking about said arsehole.

a neighbour built an extension that is built in our garden by 10cm. Realistically that doesn’t impact us as we have space to absorb but found myself getting wound up as he was an arsehole about went we pointed out.

ii just don’t want to let people get to me anymore. I’ve lost two parents, had a bad time I my marriage and been really ill. Got through all that and want to be happy but can’t seem to let things go’

any ideas?

THE best thing about menopause thy field of fucks is utterly barren

But I’d make the neighbour tear down his extension, giving zero fucks how he felt about it 🤣

Neighbour - get onto it. Do you have legal cover under any insurance policies that might cover cost? Car, home, life etc?

Colleague - say to him ' I sometimes feel we could work on our communication with each other, it feels like you talk down to me - do you mean to do that?'

Do you do much exercise? I think it's easier to let go of worries when you've shaken yourself about a bit

Agree with pp about the neighbour. It may not be an issue for you at the moment, other than than winding you up, but could cause a whole heap of problems when you come to sell, so definitely worth seeking legal advice about that one.

I think rather than just giving zero fucks about anything, try picking your battles. Some things really are worth putting up a fight for, so channel those fucks where it matters!

A couple of things that might also be affecting how you feel. Firstly, if you're in your forties you may be experiencing some perimenopausal rage (yes, it is a thing). Secondly, it sounds like you’ve been through a huge amount of stress. Stress has a cumulative effect. It can build up until it reaches a point at which we start to feel overwhelmed by small things that wouldn’t otherwise be a problem. If either of these resonate with you, then it might help to accept that what you’re feeling is largely a physiological response. It might not stop the feelings, but it can help you put them into perspective and know that they will pass. (I’m in my fifties now, but I went through a few years of feeling intense rage towards my dysfunctional mother when I was perimenopausal. It passed and the upside is that I now have much better boundaries around her and genuinely care less about what she thinks of me.)

Ime it can be more effective to learn to give zero fucks about the potential consequences of successfully addressing or challenging arsehole behaviour, rather than being mastering the art of zen about arsehole behaviour, which inevitably rankles and is energy draining.

Eg, arsehole at work. Call him on it politely next time he claims credit for your work, repeat as and when necessary. Politely disengage, excuse yourself, change the subject or leave the room next time he enters it starts on with an interminable monologue. Give ZF about what anyone else thinks about this. Stick calmly and rigidly to facts, if challenged by bosses.

Arsehole neighbour: ask him politely whether he's looked into the land registry implications of the 10cm boundary thing. Expect him to be a defensive arsehole but remain calm, remember he is the arsehole in this situation, and decide on next steps depending on his answer.

I’ve found being menopausal helps greatly with that OP!
I don’t know why. Different balance of hormones I guess.

I would speak to the council’s planning department about the mini land grab and go from there. If you have a huge garden, one option might be to sell him that 10cm strip, but definitely get legal advice if you’re considering this.

My garden isn’t huge, so I’d be insisting that any extension didn’t encroach on my land and give zero fucks about the inconvenience to the neighbour of having to amend his extension.

Regarding the colleague, I would make sure that I covered my backside by putting everything in emails, and cc’ing someone else in if I suspected that he was trying to distort the truth.

I once had a patronising male colleague on the same grade as me, who would start his advice to me by saying things like, “how can I say this gently…”. I gave zero fucks about his attempts to be Billy Big Bollocks because it was kind of funny.

However, I once realised he’d been slagging me off to someone else by accusing me of leaving a task unfinished. I did care about that. I only found out because the other person forwarded me his email to ask me to explain myself. Luckily, I had done the work and could prove it. Patronising male colleague then claimed it was a misunderstanding. Hmm ….

Very good.
I think anger or rage usually precedes giving zero fucks, but I'm 45 and still evolving 😁

I had a colleague like that. Everyone wised up to him in the end but the three years I worked with him were very long. You just have to grey rock him as much as possible.

I'd report your neighbour to the planning department though.

Google the Serenity Prayer

Give zero fucks about your neighbour getting angry with you. Be sweetness and light. But get money for that ransom strip. A solicitor will sort you out.

I’ve been working on this all year. I work with this nightmare woman who kept causing issues and talking to me like crap then one day I lost it a bit in the office. She agreed to mediation the accused me of discrimination. Anyway now we work in a half companionable silence with the very odd chat. But holidays- I sent a message on our teams chat about what I wanted to do over Xmas and she has ignored it! It was on Sept 12. It’s stressing me out but I’m determined to leave it as
long as I can so she can see it’s not getting to me

Grey rock the colleague but if it starts getting really nasty don't get into conflict go straight over his head to management.

I know it's probably a little way off yet OP as you say are in your mid 40s,but I found that once I hit the menopause,I cared a lot less about inconsequential things. Good luck!

Neighbour - if I'd pointed it out and they were embarrassed and apologetic I'd give zero fucks about 10cm.

But they weren't. They were a twat - and in return I will bring hell down upon them and pursue it legally until they regret ever, ever stealing even 1cm of my land.

Idiot at work? I'd give him my best bemused expression, listen in silence and then possibly say, 'Ok Brian,' as though he were a small child. Then laugh. Then shake my head and walk off.

The problem is it’s causing me anxiety every day and I can’t stop thinking about it but I’m not chasing her

I have a very teenage 'Ah, bite me!' response in my head when people annoy me. I'm nearly 50 🙂