I feel horribly lonely

[cadburyegg]

I've had this lonely feeling creeping up on me for some time now.

This sounds very childish but I just am not on anyone's priority list. I have my mum and children and they are amazing but my children are primary aged so they need me immensely. And my mum helps me a lot but soon enough I will be helping her a great deal.

I am slowly realising that all my people who are important to me, have friends and other people in their lives who are simply higher on their priority list. I have a best friend but I know for sure I am not her best friend. The majority of the friends I have, have partners and when you have a partner you don't need friends so much because you already have someone to have dinner with and talk about your day with.

Even my mum friends I am becoming more and more distant from because I do less school runs now, I relate to them less and less because I'm the only one working full time and we have less in common.

I try and organise things but people are too busy. I am the leftover friend, the one who gets a look in when they are not busy with other things. My mum tells me I need to join classes and do hobbies but that's tricky to fit things in.

Can anyone relate?

I can relate. My life is very different from most peoples. Most people have family around, I don't. I have found there are times in life (friends returning to work full time, for example) where lifestyle changes change friendships completely, or end them.

🙋me I can relate. I’m married though but still just feel like a foot note or also ran in life. My dc is year 6 so I am doing less school runs so seeing othet parents less. I am envious of my sister and other people I see who have made lasting friends with other parents and I know this is just another thing I’ve failed at once Dc goes to secondary school I won’t be as involved

ive felt for a long time that I’m always out of step with things. Example, when dc was a baby we went to a music class 1sr term he was the youngest and the others (about 4 or 5 of them) knew each other and their babies were similar ages starting to crawl and walk and get involved more with it. Go for the 2nd term they have all left and now the new lot all have really young baby’s and we are the odd ones out again, they chat to each other and their babies lay together as they have the similar aged kids in common.

Haven’t got any advice for you but I know how you feel and it’s shit.

I can relate that is basically my life.!!!!

Yes. I can relate, I used to have friends, but life events and moves mean I don’t have any now. It is lonely

All my friends have best friends who are not me but l don't ever think about that l just enjoy their company whenever we meet. I think the best friend thing finished at school as people pick up friends as life moves along. Thats the reality and no reflection on you. . So if l was you l would put that thought away.
Is there a way your mom could babysit so you could take up a sport like badminton/ tennis where you meet other people. I very rarely meet the people l play sport with outside the game but we have such fun it really lifts my mood. I am much older than you but have all my life being involved in sport..not to a high level but it brings such joy into my life that l don't have time to think of whether l have friends or not. People message me to play..all sorts..and l go.
I'm sure it's the same with other hobbies so maybe now Winter is approaching pick one thing and take it up one night a week if possible and just enjoy the company of anyone you meet there. Don't focus on making a friend just mix with everyone. It will be difficult at the beginning but persevere .

I think the best friend thing is a bit childish and more something you have when at school. Friendships change and evolve especially when all you have in common is young children. I've drifted apart from most mum friends I met 4 years ago, we all work and many have moved away. If possible as the children get less dependent try and find some social clubs/hobbies. Is your mum still in a position to help? I've always found myself on the outside of social groups but it doesn't bother me most of the time. Most friendships come and go.

This is great advice.
Sport, choir, sea swimming, dance ... anything fun you do with other people will give you adult companionship. Not necessarily friendship but fellowship. Lifts everything.