Do you ever think you could have achieved more in life?

[wende]

I’m only starting out in my career so who knows where things will end up. So far so good but life can be full of surprises or I may decide I’d be happier working 35 hours a week rather than my current 60+

My mum has recently retired. She expressed that she couldn’t believe her career was over and this was “all she achieved”. She thinks she could have gone so much further, but in her youth she preferred to party and then didn’t want to work much more than was needed to not get sacked, but remained in a lower level managerial level for 15 years.

I wanted to be a doctor but I ended up having a baby at 17 with someone who ruined my life till my late 20s. It's taken me years just to recover from the relationship and I feel like I'm just really starting out now in my thirties

Yes but also im not really bothered anymore. I’ve actually achieved quite a lot and it’s overrated. Its never enough, no matter what you achieve you will then just be focused on achieving more than that. Very happy chilling with my wonderful hubby and pets til the nuclear bomb probably hits in the next few years and vaporizes us all. Lovely job!

Sometimes I do.

And at other times I look back on my career and think I made a good choice of occupation and found my level within it. I might not have achieved what other people have achieved, or what I imagined achieving when I was starting out, but I've done OK with what I've got.

And sometimes I think of all the skills I could have developed outside of my career, but instead I chose to do things that preserved my sanity and my family life and I'm happy with that.

Middle aged here. My life has been a total let down. Felt i could have, or should have, done so much more by now. So much wasted time and wasted years.

In what way? In measurable ways, I suppose I could have achieved 'more' by what the world tends to value. I'm a big believer in 'you can't have it all' though, and I've achieved a lot in less measurable ways that the world doesn't value as much. I value it more highly though. Life is full of choices and I chose my priorities. It meant I achieved less in other directions.

I often think this. Mid 40s, was very bright and went to a top uni, graduated with a 2.1 but married then had kids too quickly and never got proper career off ground first so ended up settling for jobs that fitted around my family. Now feel very frustrated but still need work to fit around family. That said, I do make time for fun stuff for me, like theatrical shows, that I wouldn't havr time to commit to if I were in a high flying job.

Yeah, I’m very bright with a good degree from a RG university, I have a good job that I love but due to my husband’s unsocial working hours I had to be around more for the kids so never got to build my career the way either child free friends or ones with partners at home evenings and weekends did. I’d never not have had my kids, so it’s all good.

Yes. I was very average at school, academically. Had no interest in going to Uni to study further. I don’t have “a career”, just a normal job with average pay. I’ve realised with age that I’m actually pretty switched on, capable and have more insight and pragmatism than some friends/family who were deemed academically “better”. I’m resilient, observant and can get a lot done at once when I need to. People say I would have made a good detective. 😆.

I’m not that bothered though. I am happy and content with my life. I don’t feel stress or worry about my mental health at all, I feel that’s pretty rare these days.

I agree with one of the PP it's not all it's cracked up to be, you achieve a goal but then you always want something more, it's cyclical in all honesty

What I really want to achieve is to own a house outright. If I can do that I will have did what I wanted to

I'm 45 and yes, a young pregnancy and disabilities have meant that I didn't achieve my career potential at all. But I've made my peace with it. A high earning and lovely DH, 3 wonderful dcs and some genius moves in the stock market meant that I have a very nice life regardless, and those things have mattered to me more.

I did for a while. I was deemed to be ‘gifted and talented’ at school in the 80s. The higher up the education ladder I went, the more I struggled. Had to resit one a-level. Failed my degree and had to change courses. Got a career, had issues progressing where I was, moved around a lot..late down the line I got diagnosed with dyslexia, then Autism, then ADHD. I got divorced too which took its toll financially and emotionally.
I’ve finally found my niche in my career (been in the field for 15+ years) and got promoted. I am starting to feel like I’m getting somewhere now, I did read that ADHDers take longer to reach maturity than neurotypicals and I feel like it’s true for me.

Oh I've chewed it like a wasp for years.

Really quite a bright person, I drifted through school, was told by my parents what GCSEs to take - so I buggered them up.

Got in with a stupid prick of a boyfriend aged 17-19/20. Left him, met someone else, moved in and was pregnant at 22. Relationship failed 3 months after birth.

2 years later, I met my now husband. We went on to have a child together.

All along, I always dreamt of being a midwife, but I had zero qualifications. I then forever promised myself I'd get round to it eventually.

I'm now mid 40's, and I haven't got round to it. Life has thrown a couple of curveballs along the way (DS2 had a significant childhood illness) and I was a SAHM until DS1 was 16 and DS2 was 11.

I loved being a SAHM, but always had a sadness I hadn't achieved what I wanted. I'm not sure that'll ever go away, and it always makes me feel sad when I hear about other young women ending up in the situation that I was in.

Now though, I can look back and feel fortunate that I didn't work through those years. We're lucky to have two really flipping delightful young men and I often pat myself on the back and think having me around probably helped (who knows?!)

So I've kind of made peace with it. I now work in a lovely, but hard role, in the social care sector, part time. I think I'll try and expand on this in time - perhaps look at getting myself a qualification etc - but I've decided I'm not going to kick myself if I don't, I've done enough of that over the years!

An alcoholic and abusive parent destroyed huge parts of my childhood and a romantic relationship ruined my younger years, also abusive. I did get a second chance at life but it shapes you. Considering my dire start in life I have done ok but I wonder what I would have been like without that awful start.

Oh blimey, yes!

I had so much potential as a young child and at primary school. Always working on my own creative projects. I used to win art competitions and was a high flyer academically.
It started to go horribly wrong for me at age 11. I went to a very odd, totally unsuitable (for me personally) school where I was really badly bullied (bordering on abuse) alone and isolated. Not one friend for some time. To cope, I kind of switched off. I wasn't really there. So I couldn't concentrate on anything. I sank academically from top to bottom. Which increased the bullying. I was told over and over again that I was stupid. Deep down I knew I wasn't. But, nonetheless it knocked my self-esteem to near zero levels for years. Within months, I'd developed a plethora of mental health challenges. Namely OCD. Much of my creative energy was poured into coping with that. I was a traumatised shadow of my former self. Too embarrassed to tell my parents what was going on, my mum just thought I wasn't working and constantly shouted at me, telling me I was more trouble than both my siblings put together. I was an utterly broken adolescent with nobody to turn to 😔
Eventually I changed schools, and found friends (amazing! 😊) had much kinder teachers, and started to recover a bit, and do better academically again. Not fully, but enough to get a few GCSEs. But I was so traumatised, and had such low self esteem that I needed much longer than the short time there, and my mental health was rubbish, so when I went to college to do A-levels (no 6th form at the nicer school) I couldn't settle and dropped out. Loads of stuff in between, but I ultimately ended up homeless at age 19.

That was all ages ago. Lots of life lived since. I eventually got some more qualifications, and worked in the arts in low paid roles. I'm currently self-employed. But there's something about early trauma combined with being a highly sensitive soul that creates a faultline, and brings recurring difficulties throughout life. Other people have been through far worse than me, and somehow are thriving thankfully. But, I'm one of life's exceptionally sensitive people. So, I couldn't thrive after that. I've had mental health issues all my life since, and sometimes so severe that I can't work. So, it's been impossible to reach my potential really.

I used to be so upset about this. But, I'm more sanguine as I get older. I don't think the meaning of life is to find academic and career success. It's to learn to love and to be empathetic and compassionate. I can't bear to see others suffering, and try to always bring comfort when I can. That's success of a different kind.

God yes, all the time. I have a PhD, my job (not a career) is a fairly low level admin one. I have a lovely husband, two great kids, have traveled and lived abroad etc but a series of decisions - all of which seemed sensible at the time - have landed me in a place where my career options and my earning power are very limited. I wasn’t ambitious enough at the right time, I think. And I took the ‘easier’ option, or the one that made other people’s lives easier.

No, I've got the career I've always wanted and don't have any more career/ studying aspirations. I have 3 degrees; bachelor of education, masters and a doctorate.

I always hoped I would travel and see the world and own my own home. I wanted to work for the police, I had gone to university to study psychology and criminology but I struggled with university life (loved the courses) and dropped out.

Accidental pregnancy at 19 and I had to rethink everything. I had not planned to have children ever, or at least not until I had done the above first!

I realised I actually took to being a mum really well. I volunteered with a breastfeeding charity helping other mums, ran a toddler group and eventually got a job working in a preschool. I did my level 3 qualification alongside working and looking after my 2 (5 and 2 at the time!) It was a hard 2 years but am very proud to have done it. Just to add to the stress I also planned our wedding in this time too!

I have since done further training and am in a job I love. I couldn't imagine doing anything else now, early years is a job of love as the pay is pretty low! 18 year old me would have never believed where life would end up!

I havent seen the world and we don't own our own home but we are starting to save towards those goals which may or may not happen. Dds are now 16 and 12 and when we eventually sort passports will be excited to help plan our first holiday and tick one place off the bucket list!! I'm very happy with how life has turned out even if its totally different from how I imagined it!

I think I've over achieved given my circumstances in life. I have severe CPTSD I'm under psychiatry because I have hallucinations and hear voices. I think a lot of people would just have given up and gone on disability. I've got two degrees and have been a nurse for 30 years and a podiatrist for 23 years in the NHS. I also brought up my DS on my own and we are very close. I bought my own home.
At some point I decided I could either pull the blankets up 0over my head and retire from the world or I could have a life.
It isn't easy but it gets easier once you decide to do something. I'm ready for a quiet retirement now though.
I think had I not been so unwell the sky would have been the limit but I think I've done OK with what I have.

i don't think i feel i could have acheived more, i do sometimes have regrets but then again, if i could live my life again i would do it exactly the same because i would not want to not have what i have now.

Yes, but not without robbing something else that is important to me.

I think goals change and it’s also not too late for your own mum either if she would like to achieve more, why don’t you suggest she does more study? Or volunteering ? Lots of roles like magistrate etc that are an incredible achievement and contribution to society and it’s only too late once you give up/die.

She also sounds like she had priorities outside of climbing a ladder which is also perfectly laudable; ultimately your colleagues and boss won’t remember you pulling a late one in 20 years time but your kids will remember when you showed up for harvest festival or had enough left in the tank to get down on your hands and knees and play with them.

the lucky few work in a vocation and find their calling but for many work is just a means to an end and that’s ok. I was extremely ambitious as a youngster but as I’ve got older I prioritise not being stressed and having freedom to be there for my kids. Once you’ve achieved the top job and realise no one really cares it can feel hollow. Likewise, earning enough to be comfortable is obviously important but I think the perfect balance is earning enough to enjoy life but not so much that things lose their value. The feeling of your child’s hand in yours as you skip home together from nursery is free, and worth more than any job title.

No. I've achieved most of what I wanted to. I've worked hard for it. I consider myself lucky, and I'm very grateful. My 1 regret is that it didn't all happen for me much earlier in life; it would have, if I'd had sense when I was younger. But still, there's no point looking back in 'if only' mode, so I don't. We aren't on this earth for a long time all things considered, so I tend to stay in the moment and enjoy it mostly.

Well, what do you mean by "achieved"?

I could have worked harder at university and taken a graduate role somewhere but I'm not convinced it would have made me happy, even though it looks "better" on paper.

As it is, I feel like I've done pretty well - I'm happily married, run a successful business doing what I love and only have to work 30 hours a week, with the rest of my time free to do whatever I want.

I feel life is too short to worry about achievements 🤷‍♀️

I think it's important to remember that achieving in life isn't about career and money for everyone