How would you deal with this situation?

[ThinkingUpsideDown]

I was in the library today with my 6 1/2 month old. She has started crawling forward this week after a month of going backwards and getting very frustrated. She can stand up holding onto furniture and likes me to hold her hands so she can "walk" around. Simply put she's a strong, chunky baby. She's quite early with motor skills but still in the range of normal. I don't especially track milestones, as far as I'm concerned all babies are different and they all end up at the same point.

Today I met a mum with a 14th month old. He had started crawling at 10 months but was not able to pull to stand. The mum kept watching us and commenting on my daughter's strength. She was really lovely but it got increasingly awkward. She was asking about sleep and weaning etc In the end I felt the need to lie and say she wasn't a good sleeper (even though we co sleep and she does sleep well). I wasn't trying to show off but it was clear my DD was ahead of her considerably older baby.

This isn't the first situation like this I've been in and I didn't know how to deal with it. We ended up leaving earlier than planned. What is the best way to respond in this kind of scenario?

Smile, nod and exchange pleasantries?

Just be honest - babies all do things at different times, it's not a big deal, and will soon be lost in the mists of time.

Lean into stock phrases.

That's nice...

Yes it can be really tough can't it?

I'm sure it's coming up for your little one soon, he's gorgeous

Where did you get (insert item here)

Except she was asking me questions and her son was crawling up to us. In sure that approach would have been seen as a snub.

@EineReiseDurchDieZeit these are great, thanks 👍

Be honest and then go on your way. Why does it matter what some random person thinks of your answers to the questions they are asking?

My daughter was similar to yours, very active and advanced. Her speech was very advanced too. I just always backed up everything I said with but she is just an early developer if there were any awkward moments!

My boy - late LATE developer - is nearly 18 now. I cannot tell you how little any of these things mean! If she seems nice, make friends!

Is your daughter your first?

Because although you "don't especially track milestones", you're well aware that your daughter is early and her son is late.

And if you haven't experienced the twinge of waiting for your child to meet that milestone that another child breezes through, then you don't appreciate what it feels like to wait.

My son has always been a strong and active little baby. A medium sleeper. But he was a crap weaner. Slower with gestures.

You don't have to lie, just say the truth, then admire something about their baby or complain about something about yours.

@sunonthetrees I completely agree with you. Personally I pay no attention to milestones. This mum definitely seemed put out though and so as lovely as she was I felt like we were being offensive

She sounds like she was just being friendly! My baby was a super early talker and waver and clapper etc, didn't feel awkward to chat about it! And by moving the conversation on to sleep and weaning it sounds like the mum was being friendly and moving away from milestone chat. Good sleep is not a milestone it's just luck of the draw.

I think you're in stealth boast territory here, OP.

Must be very tough for you having to explain that your baby's hitting her milestones early. Of all the 'problems' to have.

If you don't want to continue a conversation, it's easy enough to make an excuse - naptime, snack time etc.

“Ha, they all get there in the end, don’t they- before you know it we’ll be worrying about them out clubbing! Have you been to this group before?”

@Sapphire387 I know it comes across that way. I am very socially awkward, a people pleaser and a chronic overthinker. So yes, I have worried this evening that I may have made this very nice lady feel bad, so I came here to ask what others would do in this scenario. That's all. My baby is completely normal, probably will be a slow talker as no babbling yet. I'm really not trying to show off ( if anything I'm trying to fit in!)

It's just general baby chit chat. No one really cares what your baby is doing and when.

Good answer.
I'd have said similar - he'll get there in his own time.
Once they get to nursery stage, they all even out.

It's just friendly chat. Don't stress, if she seems nice and you want to make a friend suggest coffee after the group.

I used to worry a lot about milestones but a wise woman (my neighbour) told me she's yet to see a healthy 18 year old lad who still learned to pull himself up on furniture or hasn't yet learned to clap or wave.

They all get there in the end.

I had to read this three times to work out what the problem scenario was. I still don't really get the big deal. Everyone knows they all develop at different rates, and if the other mum had anything to worry about she'd have been worrying about it already.

There was no need to pretend your daughter is a poor sleeper. Your lie makes no real difference to the other mum, but what does it do to your own sense of self and integrity? Focus on that, not on what you think the other mum might have thought. When you're secure in yourself, you'll feel more socially secure too. It's also quite patronising to the other mum - she can still take pleasure in seeing other babies do things that hers can't yet.

I was alarmingly late to walk (2) and talk (3). This was back in the mists of the 1960s so no professional advice was sought, my family just decided I was a bit special (I won't say the word they actually used for me) and left me parked in the corner to vegetate.

Then I became verbal and soon after was reading at a very high level. I was considered an absolute prodigy when I started primary and spent much of my time parked in the library corner while everybody else learned their letters.

Turns out I peaked at 4, because everyone caught up with me and I have been resolutely ordinary ever since.

I found this useful when I was stressing about my own PFB, and also when soothing other anxious new mothers. Strongly recommend you just come up with your own way of saying, basically, it all comes out in the wash.