Have you moved somewhere without connections

[TaupePanda]

A quick bit of context: I grew up in London, my husband in Sussex. We moved away from the SE to Bristol a few years ago - I went to Uni there and we both had friends there. As such, we settled in very quickly and it is near enough for us to get back to London (I still have a London job).

We sold our Bristol house last year to buy bigger but we are at a bit of a stalemate.

The situation is: we have quite a bit of cash in the bank and could borrow just £100k to buy a 4 bed locally. It would be a very typical, not terribly large house for the area (around 1500 square foot). But totally adequate for our needs. We currently pay £2k p/m rent so if we diverted that to a mortgage, we'd be clear in 5 years. That would allow us to either pay for private school (without stretching ourselves), or save it into trusts and hand the boys each a decent amount of money when they are older. We'd also have a totally paid off house early in life (43 years old) which would be great - bonuses and pay rises could be used to top up pensions and savings. We could really set ourselves up and help our children in a real way.

As a city person born and raised, I don't see a terrace house for life as a problem. I also don't aspire to a big garden - we live near multiple parks and a big green area. I don't think we need it, as I place higher importance on convenience of having stuff around us including people we know.

My husband grew up in a big suburban semi with parking and a massive garden. He doesn't place high importance of being near shops etc - for him a big home is the aspiration.

This is where we bump heads. His view is that we ought to be able to move into something much larger. In theory I agree - house prices are mad! But, that isn't the reality so you have to work with what you have.

So, we are in a rental (bleeding money imo) and aren't moving forward. We have looked at houses in different areas of Bristol but really our budget won't stretched to lots bigger so we'll have to borrow more. We can but that will take longer to pay back - we both agree we want to keep borrowing low.

My husband has sent me houses in far away places like Solihull - you can buy something enormous for our budget if we move northward. In fact, we could probably shave some off our budget.

From a financial perspective it possibly makes sense to move north. I only have to be in London twice a month so I can be flexible about distance. My husband works remotely.

But we don't really know anyone outside of the south. Do we just roll a dice and hope that a move works out? Has anyone ever done this? It seems mad to drag two kids across the country and it may be awful! Would you move for a cheaper, bigger house? Or stump up the cash and stay where you know you have friends and are actually overall pretty happy?

Are you asking if people have moved to places without connections, or if they’ve moved to places for a house only? Solihull is very different to Bristol. If this is where you’re thinking of raising your kids then try to figure out what’s important. Your children will not spend their whole lives in your house.

Personally, we have chosen location / neighbourhood / schools / opportunities over house size. It’s important to me that dc can see friends easily, have lots of different opportunities and experiences as they grow, and can feel safe in their neighbourhood. I also want to live somewhere with lots of opportunities, places to go, people visiting from around the world, etc.

As a general rule, our generation lives in smaller houses than our parents. So your husband should try to stop thinking about house size as a marker of success. Times have changed. Also, think about other cities like New York and Paris - there it is entirely normal (high status even!) to live in an apartment. I don’t think anyone considers those people are missing out. What is really driving your husband’s desire for a big house?

Interesting that you say your current house is ‘nothing special.’ Is your house the thing in your life you want to put energy into being special? Maybe it is and that’s all good but might you also/ instead want to make special relationships, family, community?

I’ve moved places, often internationally, without prior connections, both before and after having a child, but I would never move somewhere just for a bigger house. I spent several years living (for work) in an enormous house in a prosperous village, where, other than nice local walks, there was nothing of any interest in any direction for miles and miles, including the nearest city, which was a cultural desert. We had a much better life living in our tiny London flat with no outdoor space.