Friends saying I need to start dating again but I'm happiest single

[Chia3433]

My relationship ended 3.5 years ago and it took me a long time to get over. However, once I did, I've been happily single, enjoy doing my hobbies and meeting up with family and friends. Although there were happy times in the relationship of course, I think I've always been happiest when single before this also. We were together 5 years.

Now, though, some of my friends are saying to me it's time to start dating again and are even trying to set me up on a date, something which I've no interest in. I don't think it's fair to the guy to do when I've no interest in getting into a relationship.

Anyone else in a similar situation and how to deal with this, or am I being silly in not wanting to date?

"Please don't set me up with dates, I am happy single at the moment"
I'd question my friendships if they didn't respect my choices.
Of course you don't need to be in a relationship.

Not silly at all. It's your life and your friends don't get to decide how you live it. I didn't date for 5 years after divorce. I was very happy with plenty of hobbies and time to socialise with friends.

Just ignore them.

I have found this too.

There are a small number of people about who cannot seem to empathise or handle that other people actively choose to be single.

I have never quite worked out why, but the two friends who I have who do this aren't malicious, I think they just lack the imagination to understand that everyone wants different things.

Ignore them. It's then who have the problem, not you.

Lots of people think coupledom is the gold standard for a life well lived. I've been divorced since my mid 30s and am now 50 - my mates gave up encouraging me to "get back out there" years ago. Not sure why it would be 'silly' to remain single, unless you actually don't want to be.

Nowt wrong with being single. Enjoy yourself.
I particularly like the peace and quiet!
One friend believes I will change my mind and start dating. She’s wrong, I point I have nothing to gain from a relationship: everyone moans about their husbands.

People seem to find it difficult to deal with single women, like it upsets the status quo among couples and the only way to regain equilibrium is to have you back in a couple.

I had a lot of this when I split with my ex and even now 10 years later I still get asked if I’m doing any dating/on any apps. I’ve made it quite clear that I have no interest in meeting anyone unless it happens naturally and to be honest I find it patronising and disrespectful, mainly because it feels like the inference is that there’s something wrong with me for not being in a relationship.

I would be quite clear that you are happy as you are and if you need their help at any point, you’ll ask.

Hmm, why so prickly though?

One of my friends questioned a dating choice of mine in a “Why are you ….” and it really unsettled me. I had to really think and talk through why it was so destabilizing, but once I got to the point where I realized (a) she was projecting (b) she unwittingly asked the question with the same tone and structure as my abusive ex so I reflexively started constructing a reply as if I was going to be able to appease him whilst knowing it was impossible (c) therefore I was just allowed my natural reaction: laugh it off with “because I want to, and it makes me happy”

But experiences like that are a necessary part of recovery from [abusive] relationships.

YANBU. I have been single (intentionally) for 15 years. Luckily most people have given up asking me if I've "met someone" yet! It's so annoying.

My best friend is happier single . That's just how she is. She's had two sons then Divorced had lots of dates, etc but she just likes suiting herself and is happy in her own skin. It's great to be like that . Nobody else's business .

I think the last person to say anything of this ilk was my DSis, who was suggesting that I try the apps. After hearing her experiences and reading on here, I couldn't imagine anything worse and I had to be fairly firm with my no.

As it stands, I get my emotional needs met by 3 men, one of whom I describe as my DP, but that's a pretty loose description. Physically, I take care of myself. Compared to some of the shite some women go through, I would say I have got it made.

I've had quite a few conversations that go along these lines
'Met a man yet?'
'Actually I'm discovering I love being single - the peace, the freedom etc etc blah blah. I don't want a man any more.'
'Oh that's awesome, and you never know, one might pop up when you're not expecting it.'

?!?

Perplexed 'but I'd say no. I've just explained to you, I'd say no.'

When people said that to me I stared incredulously at them & changed the subject.

Look up Bella de Paulo and Nicola Slawson, OP - both run excellent single communities which do not focus on dating, and Bella's latest book Single at Heart describes people like you (and me) who are happiest single even when it goes against the grain of all we "should" feel.

My friends have long since given up trying to match make because they can see I'm happiest by myself 😍

Thanks for all the helpful replies. Good to know others are also happier being single!

A good reply is
"You do realise I existed before ex's name ! I don't need someone to complete me"