Do I look like a shoplifter?

[doilooklikeashoplifter]

Went into town today to have a little browse in a couple of my favourite shops - one being Oliver Bonas - wanted to check out their lovely cardis, was greeted by shop assistant at door (this is new) who then eyed my large leather handbag bag as she said "hello". I said hello back and proceeded to look at 1 item then walk and look at another. At which point she came up to me and said "how are you getting on?" I said "fine thank you" then got a bit annoyed as I felt she was watching me, so I left - without buying the thing I really wanted - £50 waistcoat! (I know I was a bit touchy but it was my day off and she kind of spoilt my relaxed day off vibe) Is this a new thing Oliver Bonas are doing or - do I look like a shoplifter? I'm now getting paranoid as this happened to me the other day as well (again in Oliver Bonas) greeted at door by (bouncer)greeter, who "watched me look at rail near door" and when I was in the lovely "home" section another member of staff appeared and pretended to straighten a book...right next to me. I mean I have worked in retail so I get all about "interacting with your customer" and maybe there are more staff in there now... but... you used to be able to browse at your leisure and only ask for help if you needed it from the lovely ladies at the till.....
I was wearing a long grey raincoat, jeans and trainers and H&M sweatshirt. Is it the raincoat?! Is it my bag/face/scruffy curly hair I am quite nice and smiley ... is there someone with my description who they are all looking for on their walkie talkies in town - because when I went into Boots the lady at the No7 counter followed me along another cosmetic counter asking if I needed help - when I said no thanks - she then said "do you not need a new foundation or anything" ! I mean I DO REALLY need make up help (obviously!!) but I had already said no thank you

I browse, I hold item up to the light, I put it back and go to look at the jewellery, I go to look at the trousers, I look at the cocktail glasses, and wonder if I should buy them for my niece's birthday, I go back to the waistcoat, I hold it up again, i go to the mirror and hold it up against me, I put it back because I don't "really need it" and it's my niece's birthday soon,

@doilooklikeashoplifter - that sounds like a lot of handling goods - especially holding things up to the light, holding stuff against you and so on. I don't think many people do that so much these days. Maybe pick up one thing you want to have a closer look at but a lot of faffing about and moving around and touching lots of different things does have a slight aura of 'oops that just fell in my bag'.

It looks a bit suspicious because it is out of the ordinary.

there is no 'type' for a shoplifter... they come in alsorts of shapes and sizes.. sounds like you were in an upmarket shop.. perhaps the woman was admiring your very expensive large handbag? and maybe because you were faffing about they thought you needed some help?

maybe they have been hit recently by actual shoplifters and the staff are being extra vigilant?

Because I'm not a man ... ooo very sexist to boot!

Try being a young black man for a day, I used to go out with someone when I was younger who fitted this description and we got fucking followed everywhere.

Not when it was just me only with him.

Haha! I am in fact the Oliver Bonas shop assistant and my x-ray eyes tell me you in fact had Evil Intentions towards that waistcoat...😎

I think you're taking it personally when it's not meant to be. As PP have said, shoplifting is rife so assistants have to be on their guard looking for suspicious activities.

I felt the same in Boots in Chester years ago, every time I went in an assistant would appear (like the shopkeeper in Mr Benn) and ask if they could help me. I did get paranoid when that happened several times in a row, and the last time I just walked back out. Then it dawned on me that leaving without buying like that might have looked more like "Oh they've rumbled me, time to go" than "how very dare you!"

I think you should go back tomorrow and buy the waistcoat, if you really like it. Why deny yourself something you really want for the sake of being quietly monitored, which we all are through CCTV and mirrors anyway?

Since when is Oliver bonas an upmarket shop?! And fat face expensive handbags?

I think this is psychological. I remember reading something about the subconscious mind lookjng for evidence to support what it believes to be true.

you subconsciously believe that shop staff perceive you as a shoplifter.

normal interactions are then perceived by your subconscious mind as being driven by their belief that you are a shoplifter

you regard them with suspicion and as a result act suspiciously because you’re trying not to act suspiciously.

does that make sense? I do this a lot, allow my limiting beliefs about myself to dictate my body language and it becomes a bit of a vicious circle

Everyone looks like a possible shoplifter.

Everyone looks like a possible murderer.

You got a Boots lady to interact with you??? They always look right though me. I'm not fecking invisible!

When we were young, DH drove a sports car. Every single time we went out in the evening we were stopped. Young people x sports car = car theft apparently.

Most retail shops like that make the staff greet all customers within a minute of entering the shop and then approach them within 3 or 4 minutes. Its pretty standard and has been for the last 10-15 years

I know right - normally they run from me too - to be fair I was about the only person in Boots 😂

Shoplifters use paragraphs.

True! I've nearly fallen off my chair! Next thing you know they're going to be telling us Van Cleef bracelets are expensive!

But anyway, OP, not that it counts for much but experiences like that can be just so demoralising - I'm used to being followed about so I stick with online shopping for that reason, as well as convenience but it's usually better to address it there and then with the assistant especially if they're hovering so close they might as well stand on your head.

Where you the only person in Oliver Bonas as well?

When I worked in retail and was bored, I gave the only customer in the shop/department some time then approached them.

If they then started asking for loads of stuff I would happily help them find it.

When you have nothing to do in retail it is so boring.

Some stores used to have greeters which they got from the US.

Funny thing I went to the US and thought it was amusing they got some poor person to do that job, however in the UK it put me off going into the shop to buy anything.

They are upmarket and expensive when their prices are compared with what some people can afford. But then you knew that already, didn't you?

Hi@Reugny there were a few other people in there. It is tricky getting the balance right I know from personal experience but I am one of those people who doesn't want help. I am polite about it though - and will often chat instead - this was a different vibe

@blacksax they are high street stores and no in my opinion neither are expensive.

@Youcancallmeirrelevant there's "greeting" and then there is greeting and following - I have no issue with the former

It's not upmarket though, regardless of your income! It's not how it works.

This

Were you wearing any make up? I know it sounds ridiculous but whenever I go into Boots or similar without any make up on, no matter how smartly dressed I am or how neat my hair is, I ALWAYSSSS get stalked by the security guard, it's ridiculous.