Dd is broken

[ffffffsssss]

She just won’t sleep. Woke at 11 wet, changed, clean pyjamas, back to bed. No chance.

I have taken her downstairs and put the tv on which isn’t ideal I know but honestly nearly two hours later and I was losing my mind.

She’ll still be up before 6, if she goes down at all.

It's important also to have empathy for the baby's carers who are at the end of their tether. You can view this as having empathy for the baby, if you like, as she'll do better with happy, well-rested carers who have time and energy to invest in her, rather than carers who are half-dead and on the verge of collapse the whole time.

OP, the problem may sort itself out in time. Both of my DC have followed a pattern of being shit sleepers until around 18 months, and then suddenly working this sleep thing out and finding they quite like burrowing down in a soft bed and going to sleep with their teddy bears. Good sleep and being able to self-settle to an extent coincided with us with greater understanding and beginning to develop speech, so they could understand what was going up happen. I'd say over and over again - "now we will brush our teeth, now we'll read some books, now we'll have a cuddle and then I'll tuck you up in your cot with your teddies".

We are also not precious about how we get sleep here. DC go through stages of refusing to sleep alone and needing someone next to them. We just roll with it until they want to move back to their rooms.

That's because you are. It won't be forever though, I promise. X

It's really really hard but she's not broken, this is a phase lots go through.

Where's her dad, can you take turns so you get some decent sleep to keep you going?

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling OP. Babies sleep is so unpredictable, and I remember how hard it was with my first. My second also doesn't sleep, but i just keep focusing on the fact that I know it's a phase and they do sleep eventually. I know you're in survival mode, but try to avoid the telly and anything stimulating in the night. With my first, I used to put the light on when I went in, which I now know wasn't helping. Keep the room dark. I used an app called moshi, which has loads of sleepy songs and white noise. This really helped, but you can get free stuff on YouTube, too. Can you get a floor bed? At least you can lie down with her, then? Might be easier on you?

I hope you get some rest soon. Just know you're not alone, and when you're up in the night, know that's there's loads of mums and dads going through the same thing. It will get easier.

Ours are grown up now but were both awful sleepers, DS in particular. At first we thought we'd won the jackpot because he slept from about 11.30pm to 5.45pm from five weeks. Little did we know.

The problems started when we started quite reasonably putting him to bed earlier. He would go off at 8pm and be wide awake at 2am. If he was well it was happy, inquisitive awake. I think he was fitted with a Duracell battery.

I think it would be wise op to have her ears checked, especially if you are all getting over Covid. Ears keep them awake at night, even at a low level.

Also, with hindsight, I never fully understood how painful teething was. It wasn't until DS was about 6/7 and weeping in pain as a back molar erupted that I fully understand. He was a little toughie and it was a wake-up call. Had I known, I'd have given pain relief more regularly when they were babies.

What we eventually clocked onto was the fact that he didn't need much sleep. As a tiny baby those core hours of 11.30 to 5.45 were pretty much what he needed with two tacked on when daytime sleeps were dropped. By the time he was nearly three we eventually realised that if he went to bed at 10pm , he slept until 6am. Once we did that the night waking ceased and we were all better for getting an unbroken night's sleep then I had another baby and it started all over again

Taking her into bed with me doesn’t work, that’s why eventually I had to leave her to it as she was getting more worked up being picked up and put down. She just thrashes around and falls out of bed. Which obviously isn’t ideal!

We all need a break. I don’t think after three hours taking a step back is unreasonable. I do need more than three hours sleep a night. Sorry but I do.

You're in the trenches at the moment and no amount of people telling you it gets easier will make this feel any better - but it does get better!

Our youngest was the same. We tried all sorts - less naps, more naps, later bedtime, lots of activities, different sounds, co sleeping, sleep training and nothing made much difference. He used to eventually go to sleep around 10/11pm and then it felt like a race to get to sleep ourselves because from 1am we'd be up. He never used to cry or be grizzly just awake and wanting to interact. I used to be in tears!

Do what you need to do to get through. We used to do shifts on a night so we both had chance for some unbroken sleep. We took it in turns on a weekend to have an afternoon nap. Try not to compare to other babies that sleep you'll only frustrate yourself. Lots of people will have tips and tricks that worked for them - try different things, if it doesn't work move on to the next one.

Youngest is almost 2yrs and now sleeps from 7-5. We have no idea how we got through but we did and you will too!

Can you sleep train? There’s lots of more gentle methods now, although I think with older babies you need more strict approach. Can she drop the day nap?

At 14 months?

She probably does need a bit of sleep training to break established habits.

safe Co-sleeping + boobs…. Pop her in the sling and walk around on the rare occasions that doesn’t do the trick. Obnoxiously, my little one sleeps solidly for 12 hours with this combo- I, a fully grown adult, do not.

We used cloth nappies and she never leaked so might be worth a try? Bonus points she’ll be out of nappies sooner.

No one feels more empathy for the baby than the mum at the end of her tether. Your finely veiled “concern” is just an excuse to bully someone vulnerable. Hope you feel good about the person you are.

TV makes it worse. Next time read stories, walk around the house in the dark etc and abandon the pressure to go back to sleep. It just raises anxiety in her as she'll feel the tension from you. It doesn't last forever. Leaps aside mine very easily go back to sleep now I have a double in with one and a king and side car cotbed with the other. So we can all pile in after wake ups.

I think there’s this unhelpful myth in society and media that babies sleep like a baby! Often they are shite sleepers. My first work 8 times a night often. My second is 14 months and still waking twice

Might be worth a try.