If you had a DD who struggle socially at school (primary age), how are they now?

[Girltrouble]

DD (7) Y2 really struggles to fit in at school. She's in an all girls school and it's 16 of them in her class.

Prior to starting school she was a very social and confident girl, always making friends, always had playdates. She's still very social outside school, always plays with other children in playgrounds. And she's got one best friend outside school that she's known since they were both 3.5 yo.

However, school is a totally different experience and she's feeling very down about it. She says she feels lonely and different in the school playground, like she's from a different planet.

When she started school this year she said she's been playing with a girl and she's her best friend now, however we went to a party yesterday and this girl hasn't even acknowledged her. This really broke her and it broke my heart too.

I understand these issues are not uncommon. If you can relate to this, I'd love to know how your DDs are a few years down the line? Does it get better?

Not until I got to university and made real friends I'm afraid :( But I'm ND and find social stuff hard anyway.

DC2 is Y5. Infant school was a disaster. It has slowly got a bit better but it is a long way from perfect. She met one girl who only needed one good friend, like dd2, so that helped. And just growing up and acquiring more social skills has helped I think.

16 girls is not a huge population to make friends. That's about what dd2 has in her class but she has other friends in the playground from infant school, from clubs outside of school, our neighbours etc. Which means at least she has options if her "friends" are being mean.

My daughter used to come home from primary and tell me she skipped around the playground over and over again because she couldn't find any friends. Used to break my heart. She never found her tribe in primary but definitely has in secondary. It's great your daughter has a pal out with primary. I would get her involved in other hobbies. The school class isn't the be all and end all.

That was me. I was fine until 7 when I moved school and struggled horribly. However, I got to secondary (a girls’ school, but a year group of 90) and rapidly found my feet. Still friends with many from there 30+ years later.

DS1 has an ASD diagnosis. DH (teacher) has seen my school reports, pulled a face and said that he’s seen girls get diagnosed on less than what my primary was reporting…

That was me too. I did eventually have one good friend. Then I went to secondary and found my tribe (we're still friends decades later) and went to university and found another tribe there.

I think I'm still socially awkward though - hate parties!

If the school is a small one, perhaps try to build up her circle with different peole outside of school? Does she have any hobbies or interests? It might be helpful if she could learn at this young age it's not her, it's just that sometimes it takes a while to find the right people.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

I do suspect DD is ND. We had no idea until she turned 5. School have their suspicions too, but she's not getting any support at the moment as she copes with school really well and excells at drama. She's generally a very happy child, but the socials get her down so much.

I'm a bit nervous that the social struggles will put her off school in the future :(

I had two friends at school, one girl in the year above me who was a family friend, and another family friend who was in the other class (large co Ed primary). Thinking about it, I didn’t actually manage to make any new friends at school, these girls I both already knew. But they had other friends at school so I actually ended up playing with the boys. I was always an outsider with them but it was fun & straightforward. I was quite tomboyish.

I went to an all girls secondary school, I was definitely an odd introvert but I did gradually make friends & have always gone through life with a handful of good friends, never been a big gang around me but always had someone.