A very toxic and what I would describe as "dark" person is coming to my home today with some friends of DP. Long back story but she is the partner of my DP's old school friend, let's call her Emma. DP's friends are all lovely, and I suspect DP's friend (Will) doesn't see what she's like and is a bit smitten with her / has blinkers on. He's a lovely man but slightly naive when it comes to his love life.
Anyway they've been together a number of years and naturally in that time I've come into contact with Emma and have witnessed and experienced a number of incidents which have made me see the real person underneath. I now strongly feel she has a very dark energy and probably has narcissistic qualities - overused phrase I know but in this instance justified imo.
A few examples but not all are that I know for a fact she went snooping through our bedroom including looking through drawers etc, one time when they were round for a dinner party. Sounds crazy but true. She asked to use the bathroom and I let her into our en-suite as the main bathroom was engaged. I never raised it with her and never told Will but have had my guard up since. She's very interested in clothes and I had been talking her her about a recent shopping trip I'd done so I've no idea if her motivation was to snoop and my things - I'll never know. She didn't know that I saw her on the baby video monitor as my child had been sleeping in our bedroom and we hadn't moved it back again.
Another time DP and I overheard her being absolutely vile about someone in the group (wife of DP's other friend) with whom she was nice as pie to her face. She was on a veranda at a summer party and we were in the kitchen looking for glasses, she had no idea we were there and was saying all sorts of horrible things about this person.
She was also very rude towards a friend of mine at a wedding and blanked her. My friend only told me months later that Emma had totally ignored her throughout the whole meal when they were sat next to each other, and had generally made the event feel very awkward. My friend had politely asked what Emma did for a job and she replied with one word then ignored her after my friend said she was currently temping. On the other hand Emma was very chatty to another friend who works in a senior job in her industry.
She was really unkind to the bride at the wedding. When the bride's sister asked if Emma would be getting married next she scoffed "yuck, no way would I ever want to have a wedding, how boring'" in front of the bride!
She also does low key sly things like, when there was an engagement party at a venue some of the women were whatsapping to ask about dress code. Emma seemed in the know and said the place was super casual and that anyone overdressed would look stupid. Cue everyone turning up in smart casual clothes and Emma arriving in a black cocktail dress and heels!
Since witnessing the above I've fully distanced myself. It's been easy since we had a baby and I've been too busy. This is the first time I've seen her in over a year. DP invited his friends to our home and she will be accompanying Will.
I know that whilst I'm only human, I think I'm a nicer person than her and I shouldn't let her get to me. I will try to rise above it as I always do. What I find horrible is just this knowledge that she has this nasty energy and that I'm going to have to sit here and be pleasant and entertain her. It feels so inauthentic. I really don't want to be in this position but for the sake of DP's friendship there will still be the occasion where I have to mix with her.
How would you manage this situation and anything I can think to myself to stay mindful and "go high"?